Sanctuary being torn down. We need your help!!! - click here for details
You can also visit TheSanctuaryTaiwan.org - click here to go to their contact page

Taiwanese wife caught stealing money

Procedures, processes, and the legal basis for divorce in Taiwan, including all related problems and pitfalls, child custody, alimony payments, abandonment, extra-marital affairs, and other complications...
Forum rules
While the moderators are happy to help point people in the right direction for legal assistance and to attempt to keep these forums civil and tidy, please bear in mind that an Internet forum is not the place for providing or receiving legal advice or for the creation of any attorney-client privileges or obligations. Also keep in mind that Forumosa and the moderators cannot conduct comprehensive reviews of all laws or legal concepts referenced or discussed within these forums – laws and regulations are updated and amended, interpretations do change, and sometimes the legal landscape can change very fast. Forumosa provides these legal forums for general informational purposes only. By using these legal forums, you agree that the information does not constitute legal or other professional advice and no attorney-client or other relationship is created between you and any other posters on these forums. DO NOT CONSIDER THE FORUMS TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR OBTAINING LEGAL ADVICE FROM A QUALIFIED LICENSED ATTORNEY.

Re: Taiwanese wife caught stealing money

Postby tommy525 » 28 Jul 2011, 02:07

Totally sensible baberenglish. And I am going to follow that model if and when I get hitched again.

This post was recommended by steelersman (06 Aug 2011, 11:09)
Rating: 4%
Forumosan avatar
tommy525
Guan Yin (Guānyīn)
 
Posts: 18104
Joined: 14 Sep 2006, 17:25
Location: calif baby !
590 Recommends(s)
371 Recognized(s)



Taiwanese wife caught stealing money

Postby headhonchoII » 28 Jul 2011, 20:37

Just like to pull up the point about daughters not giving money, that's just not reality. Many many females contribute to their families in Taiwan, both single and married. It's not uncommon for them to contribute a large % of their earnings, I have been impressed and dismayed at the same time. After marriage they often still contribute, after all there is no real social welfare structure in Taiwan. This can put a lot of pressure on sons and daughters. Now people are having less kids too. It's all a question of balance, just like previous posters mentioned.
Dishonesty is bad though, that needs to be sorted out.
I can remember the fourth of July runnin' through the backwood bare.
And I can still hear my old hound dog barkin' chasin' down a hoodoo there
Chasin' down a hoodoo there.
headhonchoII
Maitreya Buddha (Mílèfó)
 
Posts: 12465
Joined: 26 Aug 2002, 10:40
Location: Taipei
1620 Recommends(s)
593 Recognized(s)



Re: Taiwanese wife caught stealing money

Postby WhiteHawk » 02 Aug 2011, 06:59

I wanted to thank everyone who posted a reply to my post.

This is one of the most difficult situations I have allowed myself to be in.

I wanted specifically to say that, amazingly, within the all variety of opinions expressed in the replies, I have found that almost all have wisdom and insight. Especially in those that tried to fill in the blank areas of the situation, those parts of the situation that I thought at first to be extraneous to the fundamental issue.

  Thanks for the feedback.  
WhiteHawk
Ink Still Wet in Passport (shífēn xīnshǒu)
Ink Still Wet in Passport (shífēn xīnshǒu)
 
Posts: 23
ORIGINAL POSTER
Joined: 23 Jul 2011, 18:10
1 Recognized(s)



Re: Taiwanese wife caught stealing money

Postby pqkdzrwt » 02 Aug 2011, 09:35

I am a bit surprised that someone could be married to a Taiwanese woman for so long and not be familiar with the concept that it is quite common for Asian wives to be sneaking away some money on the side. I believe the most common answer to this question in this situation is that she is worried about divorce or separation and wants to have a backup plan of some sort.

Obviously your wife spends some of you money anyway, perhaps you could suggest making a special account for her where her "spending money" can go. That way if she wants to squirrel away part of that its ok?
Never wrestle with a pig—you get dirty and the pig likes it
pqkdzrwt
Scooter Commuter (qí jī chē shàng xià bān)
Scooter Commuter (qí jī chē shàng xià bān)
 
Posts: 697
Joined: 09 Apr 2010, 01:01
Location: 臺灣台中
4 Recommends(s)
18 Recognized(s)



Re: Taiwanese wife caught stealing money and wife's spending allowance

Postby WhiteHawk » 06 Aug 2011, 09:23

Uh... Here's a strange update:

Now that I am budgeting our income. She got all emotional about not having spending money. I tried explaining that since I am trying to understand our cash flow, I want to be super careful with $$$ for a month or two.

We both are looking forward to Sept. which is the month we planned for her to start working, after our smaller of two begins elementary school.

In the meantime, I want to be fair. How much money should be enough to give to her for a month's spending money for her personal use?

She is suggesting 15 or 20 thousand.

I just want to be fair. What do you think. I am new at the helm here, and it has been very rough here these past two months.
WhiteHawk
Ink Still Wet in Passport (shífēn xīnshǒu)
Ink Still Wet in Passport (shífēn xīnshǒu)
 
Posts: 23
ORIGINAL POSTER
Joined: 23 Jul 2011, 18:10
1 Recognized(s)



Re: Taiwanese wife caught stealing money and wife's spending allowance

Postby Kahna » 06 Aug 2011, 10:04

WhiteHawk wrote:She is suggesting 15 or 20 thousand.


If you're creating a budget for your money, tell her to do the same for the money she's asking you for.

I earn more than my wife and have no problem at all with giving her money if she needs it for something. However, I absolutely insist that she makes a note of what it is spent on. Most of the time that money goes towards groceries and other shit we need for the house. It pretty much boils down to I pay for me and us, she pays for her. My insistence on knowing what was happening with my money caused friction at first, but I made it easy for her to keep track of her spending with Pearbudget. It is fantastically easy to use and gives a very good overview of where all the money is going each month. We each have our own copy.

https://pearbudget.com/spreadsheet

That's the free downloadable one, for use with excel or openoffice speadsheet wotsits. There's also an online one, but I haven't looked into it.

You create different categories for the different expenses, and off you go. After a couple of months, it does become second nature, and then you can start really keeping track of what's happening with your cash. There's an analysis page which compares months and categories for you. Very basic stuff, but a good starting point (was for us, at least), and after about 18 months of constant use we have a very good idea of where all our money goes, what needs to be cut back on, where we can afford to spend more etc.
If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??
Kahna
High School Triad Member (gāozhōng liúmáng)
High School Triad Member (gāozhōng liúmáng)
 
Posts: 501
Joined: 28 Oct 2003, 20:00
1 Recommends(s)
3 Recognized(s)



Re: Taiwanese wife caught stealing money

Postby Mr He » 06 Aug 2011, 12:33

20,000 is what I pay my assistant, and I am sure that she puts a fair bit of it toward other uses than merely her own pocketmoney.

If your wife buys stuff for the kids, groceries and the like for a fair bit of the money, then fine give her the NT$15-20k, however if she wants it for buying perfume and handbags, then refuse her.
Jeg er hvad jeg er.

Bring Zain back!
Mr He
Bodhisattva (pútísàduǒ)
Bodhisattva (pútísàduǒ)
 
Posts: 9859
Joined: 31 Oct 2000, 17:01
Location: Near the tower of doom
57 Recommends(s)
84 Recognized(s)



Re: Taiwanese wife caught stealing money

Postby Black Country Woman » 06 Aug 2011, 12:40

I would say for the sake of your marriage, give her what she says she needs. Ask her to keep track of it but don't argue over every NT. It seems there has been a breakdown of trust between you. She needs to see that she can trust you to take care of the money and her needs. You need to see she can manage her side responsibly.

Have you managed to get to the bottom of why she is emotional about it? No one likes to feel like they have unrealistic limits placed on them, when they are worried about XYZ (cash for the family / hairdressing / clothes / stuff you might not value much but is important to her). My partner and I used to argue and argue over $1 bags of candy when we were super-broke students and doing the weekly shop. To me, they are the height of unnecessary expense (and sugar!). To him, they became a symbol of his right to have something that he wanted (that wouldn't break the bank). He was very happy when I gave up arguing about them. I guess he felt he wasn't being unreasonable and wanted to be heard
Forumosan avatar
Black Country Woman
Mastered ordering "beer" in Chinese (jīngtōng le yòng Guóyǔ shuō "píjiǔ")
Mastered ordering "beer" in Chinese (jīngtōng le yòng Guóyǔ shuō "píjiǔ")
 
Posts: 112
Joined: 23 Feb 2007, 18:50
Location: HCMC
4 Recommends(s)



Re: Taiwanese wife caught stealing money and wife's spending allowance

Postby reefdiver » 06 Aug 2011, 19:51

WhiteHawk wrote:Uh... Here's a strange update:

Now that I am budgeting our income. She got all emotional about not having spending money. I tried explaining that since I am trying to understand our cash flow, I want to be super careful with $$$ for a month or two.

We both are looking forward to Sept. which is the month we planned for her to start working, after our smaller of two begins elementary school.

In the meantime, I want to be fair. How much money should be enough to give to her for a month's spending money for her personal use?

She is suggesting 15 or 20 thousand.

I just want to be fair. What do you think. I am new at the helm here, and it has been very rough here these past two months.


Well it's good news that at least you are discussing things openly now, 15-20k does not sound unreasonable to keep her happy, if you can afford it.

Given that just a few days ago you were talking about divorce, your relationship does seem to be unpredictable and volatile. You have two children- I suggest that you read very carefully some of the other threads here about what can happen here when a marriage with kids breaks down- it's not pretty. I wish you all the best of luck and hope that you can make a success of the marriage.
reefdiver
Memorized My Password (gāng jìhǎo zìjǐ de mìmǎ)
 
Posts: 61
Joined: 08 Jan 2011, 06:28
1 Recommends(s)
3 Recognized(s)



Re: Taiwanese wife caught stealing money

Postby reefdiver » 06 Aug 2011, 19:56

Mr He wrote:20,000 is what I pay my assistant, and I am sure that she puts a fair bit of it toward other uses than merely her own pocketmoney.

If your wife buys stuff for the kids, groceries and the like for a fair bit of the money, then fine give her the NT$15-20k, however if she wants it for buying perfume and handbags, then refuse her.


Women like to buy perfume or handbags, they are women after all. I presume that's the whole point why a fixed allowance is being discussed here. For a man to dictate what their wife spends their money on is control-freakery and is not going to lead to a happy marriage. And what has how much you pay your assistant got to do with marriage ?
reefdiver
Memorized My Password (gāng jìhǎo zìjǐ de mìmǎ)
 
Posts: 61
Joined: 08 Jan 2011, 06:28
1 Recommends(s)
3 Recognized(s)



FRIENDLY REMINDER
   Please remember that Forumosa is not responsible for the content that appears on the other side of links that Forumosans post on our forums. As a discussion website, we encourage open and frank debate. We have learned that the most effective way to address questionable claims or accusations on Forumosa is by engaging in a sincere and constructive conversation. To make this website work, we must all feel safe in expressing our opinions, this also means backing up any claims with hard facts, including links to other websites.
   Please also remember that one should not believe everything one reads on the Internet, particularly from websites whose content cannot be easily verified or substantiated. Use your common sense and do not hesitate to ask for proof.
PreviousNext




Proceed to Divorce



Who is online

Forumosans browsing this forum: No Forumosans and 1 visitor

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time -- MARK TWAIN