My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

[housecat]

My husband locked both me and my son out of the house once when my son was under 2 years old. Luckilly, we lived near the grand-in-laws, as I didn't know where he'd parked the car, I had no money, and it was raining. Maybe it's just something you do here when you want to be shitty to your spouse? It was particularly un-manly and was the moment I knew for sure I would eventually divorce my ex. (And that's telling, idn't it? I should have been gone long before that moment!)

The in-laws didn't say anything. My son and I stayed with them that night. They knew something was up if we were there to sleep and he was not with us, but I think they were ashamed for him.

[divea]

Maybe it's just something you do here when you want to be shitty to your spouse?

That's what I suspect. And the in laws not saying anything means they weren't completely shocked, having seen and heard this OFTEN.It is not only unmanly, it is also very unwomanly a thing to do.
I am sorry the kitten and you had to go through it. 2 is too young to incur a parents' wrath. I am glad he is safe with you and won't ever face abandonment.

[Tomas]

Divorce is rough. It necessitates massive change, and people often feel powerless as they go through the process. The less emotionally disciplined among them start doing very strange things in an effort to get some security, i.e. attacking their spouse in order to feel powerful. It isn't pretty, it isn't a sign of a strong character, but it happens.

I suppose the good thing about a divorce where one person goes berserk is that the person who stays normal feels more sure of the life changes brought by divorce, and less bothered by the loss of the marriage.

What housecat's ex-husband did is unconscionable in any culture. What a creep.

[Okami]

I s this really that common elsewhere too? or is it Taiwanese?? To lock your spouse out or hold the child ransom?? I know it won't be tolerated in India. If a woman/guy locks herself in with an infant and/or disappears they are the guilty ones for isolating the child. This SEEMS to be the modus operandi for divorce here.

Here is my question to the locked ot spouses, one fella says he knew it was coming, what about the others??? Do you have an inkling?? have you been told to stay away???(not that that is right).

Another thing, aren't kids supposed to be off limits during a fight. ANd if they are going through a tumultuous relationship, don't you establish a boundary which says, you will not mess with the child. Again, I may sound like I am prying but I do seek to understand how a relationship can deteriorate to such a level assuming there is no abuse involved. Or is it pure immaturity and selfishness on the part of the lockee (the person who is in) to deny the child the love of the other parent?????

How does the Taiwanese family react to this, do they support this locking yourself in histrionics thingy????? again, is it de rigeur here???

This is common enough here that you see or hear about it every year and sometimes multiple times in a year.

In a Taiwanese fight, nothing and I mean nothing is off limits.

The other thing is that if you don't want a divorce, then just don't agree to it as it is hard to get a divorce otherwise. Most people just want to be done with it at the time though and end the fighting. They then run into the very real fact that unless you spend a lot of money or kill your former spouse in a way that doesn't get you caught, the Taiwanese partner can make it impossible for you to ever see your child again. The police, courts and judges will all pass you off and tell you to negotiate.

We've seen this time and again how the Taiwanese authorities have manipulated this. The Brazilian boy, the American who had a court order for his child and then was refused exit with her and later lost in Taiwan, etc.

[housecat]

Divorce is rough. It necessitates massive change, and people often feel powerless as they go through the process. The less emotionally disciplined among them start doing very strange things in an effort to get some security, i.e. attacking their spouse in order to feel powerful. It isn't pretty, it isn't a sign of a strong character, but it happens.

I suppose the good thing about a divorce where one person goes berserk is that the person who stays normal feels more sure of the life changes brought by divorce, and less bothered by the loss of the marriage.

What housecat's ex-husband did is unconscionable in any culture. What a creep.

Neither person in a marriage stays "normal" through a divorce. Part of the huge resentment I had of my ex for a long time was forcing me to live in a way I didn't choose to, forcing me to raise my son in poverty until I could claw back out of it again, forcing us both through so much stress. I was forced to change because he wanted to be an arsehole. There were any number of other, better options.

Yes, he was a creep. (And yes, it would also be an un-womanly thing to do. It just would never have occured to me.)

[pgdaddy]

In a Taiwanese fight, nothing and I mean nothing is off limits.

The other thing is that if you don't want a divorce, then just don't agree to it as it is hard to get a divorce otherwise. Most people just want to be done with it at the time though and end the fighting. They then run into the very real fact that unless you spend a lot of money or kill your former spouse in a way that doesn't get you caught, the Taiwanese partner can make it impossible for you to ever see your child again. The police, courts and judges will all pass you off and tell you to negotiate.

We've seen this time and again how the Taiwanese authorities have manipulated this. The Brazilian boy, the American who had a court order for his child and then was refused exit with her and later lost in Taiwan, etc.

How true this is. And the unbelievable thing is, the cruelty doesn't finish even when the battle is over. As all those who have read my story on Forumosa will know, I have been denied access to my child and the reaction of the courts is as Okami describes.

I have accepted defeat and left Taiwan, but my ex continues to try and inflict pain on me. I tell her that all I want is for our son to be happy, and for me to have some input in his future, and for her to send me some photos and tell me how he is. I have sent her the child support every month. All I get from her is negative and accusing e-mails, threatening further legal action. She said that she will let me see him if I return to Taiwan, but that she has to inform me that I will be arrested on arrival because of her Mickey Mouse criminal allegations such as sending her a "defamatory" e-mail. She says "welcome back to Taiwan, see you in jail". And it's true, my lawyers have advised me that the court has requested a warrant for my arrest should I return to Taiwan.

I just don't understand what motivates a person to act like this, when they have already won the fight. I think that my ex and others like her are so extreme and persistent in their cruelty and irrationality is because the legal system in Taiwan not only allows this behaviour, but rewards it. From being a loving father wanting nothing else than to be with his son, I am now a criminal. I attended several court hearings and it was clear that the judges don't give a toss about establishing the truth and making a fair judgement, they simply follow a procedure. The courts are just a sham and a facade for the fuck-up that lies beneath. And the lawyers are just a cog in the machine, another brick in the wall. Ask yourself why no Formosa member has been able to recommend a lawyer who has successfully represented them in a battle for child custody ?

Taiwan has a very, very long way to go when it comes to the family courts.

What makes me angry is that there is so little public information about this, for instance why don't the foreign missions in Taiwan (BTCO etc) place some kind of warning on their websites ? I have sent an e-mail to the BTCO about this, of course they will do nothing. So in the end, it's up to people like me to put my story on the web to try to make others aware before it is too late for them. Everybody knows about the problems for foreign parents in Japan, which have been all over the press. Why not the same for Taiwan ? The problem is that the people in Taiwan, not just the locals but the foreigners, seem to do a very good job at hiding reality from themselves and others. In Taiwan, thinking too much is certainly detrimental to your health.

For every foreign parent who has gone through what I have, there are thousands of local Taiwanese men and women who have been through the same. Why don't they complain, make a fuss ? Who is there to listen to them ? Why doesn't the incompetence of the family courts become an issue in the media ? Until the people learn to externalise their feelings in a positive and constructive way and face up to the truth, things will never change.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant. But being on the outside now gives me a clarity of vision I never had before.

[divea]

This is common enough here that you see or hear about it every year and sometimes multiple times in a year.

Its a cultural thing then. Kinda accepted. Histrionics.I just hope folks get to see their kids and have normalcy restored.

So what if you are not a foreigner?? That is how does this locking yourself in or kidnapping the kid go down in Taiwanese marriages? Or are these histrionics reserved for foreign spouses with little legal wriggle room?

[Okami]

Its a cultural thing then. Kinda accepted. Histrionics.I just hope folks get to see their kids and have normalcy restored.

So what if you are not a foreigner?? That is how does this locking yourself in or kidnapping the kid go down in Taiwanese marriages? Or are these histrionics reserved for foreign spouses with little legal wriggle room?

It happens to Taiwanese as well, but they tend to have better support networks with family and such. Sometimes it's just hard nose negotiating and other times it's because one party is bonkers. I'd basically counsel anyone that is going to or contemplating a divorce to either negotiate it out, and expect to loose everything up to and including your self respect.

[itakitez]

I'd basically counsel anyone that is going to or contemplating a divorce to either negotiate it out, and expect to loose everything up to and including your self respect.

or...?

Or is that the point?

Lose self respect and try to negotiate, or lose self respect and dont try to negotiate.

My only input is my taiwanese friend told me a normal phrase here for divorce

"Take the money and go."

ie, I'll give you the car, house and kids, just leave my life. This maye be why

1. All guys have secret bank accounts
2. Courts tend to favour one party, who gets it all
3. Why people go to such lengths in a divorce, its "all or nothing litigation", which from a legal PoV is the worst type

Do they have a divorce arbitration system here? Can you both agree to a binding agreement to have a neutral party (normally lawyer representing neither side) hear the evidence and determine the compensation accordingly?

[funkymonkey]

1. All guys have secret bank accounts

We do? Mine's so secret, even I don't know about it!