My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Procedures, processes, and the legal basis for divorce in Taiwan, including all related problems and pitfalls, child custody, alimony payments, abandonment, extra-marital affairs, and other complications...
Forum rules
While the moderators are happy to help point people in the right direction for legal assistance and to attempt to keep these forums civil and tidy, please bear in mind that an Internet forum is not the place for providing or receiving legal advice or for the creation of any attorney-client privileges or obligations. Also keep in mind that Forumosa and the moderators cannot conduct comprehensive reviews of all laws or legal concepts referenced or discussed within these forums – laws and regulations are updated and amended, interpretations do change, and sometimes the legal landscape can change very fast. Forumosa provides these legal forums for general informational purposes only. By using these legal forums, you agree that the information does not constitute legal or other professional advice and no attorney-client or other relationship is created between you and any other posters on these forums. DO NOT CONSIDER THE FORUMS TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR OBTAINING LEGAL ADVICE FROM A QUALIFIED LICENSED ATTORNEY.

Re: My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Postby housecat » 07 Jan 2010, 09:22

My husband locked both me and my son out of the house once when my son was under 2 years old. Luckilly, we lived near the grand-in-laws, as I didn't know where he'd parked the car, I had no money, and it was raining. Maybe it's just something you do here when you want to be shitty to your spouse? It was particularly un-manly and was the moment I knew for sure I would eventually divorce my ex. (And that's telling, idn't it? I should have been gone long before that moment!)

The in-laws didn't say anything. My son and I stayed with them that night. They knew something was up if we were there to sleep and he was not with us, but I think they were ashamed for him.
Forumosan avatar
housecat
Almost a God (jīhū shì shén)
Almost a God (jīhū shì shén)
 
Posts: 6613
Joined: 16 Jun 2003, 18:14
Location: Seven Bridges Road
96 Recommends(s)
115 Recognized(s)



Re: My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Postby divea » 07 Jan 2010, 10:05

Maybe it's just something you do here when you want to be shitty to your spouse?


That's what I suspect. And the in laws not saying anything means they weren't completely shocked, having seen and heard this OFTEN.It is not only unmanly, it is also very unwomanly a thing to do.
I am sorry the kitten and you had to go through it. 2 is too young to incur a parents' wrath. I am glad he is safe with you and won't ever face abandonment.
"It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong. "
- Leo Roston
divea
Retired President (tuì xiū de zǒng tǒng)
Retired President (tuì xiū de zǒng tǒng)
 
Posts: 5689
Joined: 19 Mar 2008, 00:45
Location: In the land of Ambrosia
362 Recommends(s)
116 Recognized(s)



Re: My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Postby Tomas » 07 Jan 2010, 14:39

Divorce is rough. It necessitates massive change, and people often feel powerless as they go through the process. The less emotionally disciplined among them start doing very strange things in an effort to get some security, i.e. attacking their spouse in order to feel powerful. It isn't pretty, it isn't a sign of a strong character, but it happens.

I suppose the good thing about a divorce where one person goes berserk is that the person who stays normal feels more sure of the life changes brought by divorce, and less bothered by the loss of the marriage.

What housecat's ex-husband did is unconscionable in any culture. What a creep.
Come on baby, you know you my home slice.
Tomas
Presidential Advisor (zǒng tǒng gù wèn)
Presidential Advisor (zǒng tǒng gù wèn)
 
Posts: 3072
Joined: 18 Oct 2002, 20:04
128 Recommends(s)
154 Recognized(s)



Re: My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Postby Okami » 07 Jan 2010, 14:52

divea wrote:I s this really that common elsewhere too? or is it Taiwanese?? To lock your spouse out or hold the child ransom?? I know it won't be tolerated in India. If a woman/guy locks herself in with an infant and/or disappears they are the guilty ones for isolating the child. This SEEMS to be the modus operandi for divorce here.

Here is my question to the locked ot spouses, one fella says he knew it was coming, what about the others??? Do you have an inkling?? have you been told to stay away???(not that that is right).

Another thing, aren't kids supposed to be off limits during a fight. ANd if they are going through a tumultuous relationship, don't you establish a boundary which says, you will not mess with the child. Again, I may sound like I am prying but I do seek to understand how a relationship can deteriorate to such a level assuming there is no abuse involved. Or is it pure immaturity and selfishness on the part of the lockee (the person who is in) to deny the child the love of the other parent?????

How does the Taiwanese family react to this, do they support this locking yourself in histrionics thingy????? again, is it de rigeur here???
This is common enough here that you see or hear about it every year and sometimes multiple times in a year.

In a Taiwanese fight, nothing and I mean nothing is off limits.

The other thing is that if you don't want a divorce, then just don't agree to it as it is hard to get a divorce otherwise. Most people just want to be done with it at the time though and end the fighting. They then run into the very real fact that unless you spend a lot of money or kill your former spouse in a way that doesn't get you caught, the Taiwanese partner can make it impossible for you to ever see your child again. The police, courts and judges will all pass you off and tell you to negotiate. :roll:

We've seen this time and again how the Taiwanese authorities have manipulated this. The Brazilian boy, the American who had a court order for his child and then was refused exit with her and later lost in Taiwan, etc.
Professor Walter Williams has remarked that he’s glad he went to college “before it became fashionable for white people to like black people.”
Forumosan avatar
Okami
Second Landlord (èr fáng dōng)
Second Landlord (èr fáng dōng)
 
Posts: 2538
Joined: 21 Sep 2002, 20:10
8 Recommends(s)
22 Recognized(s)



Re: My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Postby housecat » 08 Jan 2010, 01:47

Tomas wrote:Divorce is rough. It necessitates massive change, and people often feel powerless as they go through the process. The less emotionally disciplined among them start doing very strange things in an effort to get some security, i.e. attacking their spouse in order to feel powerful. It isn't pretty, it isn't a sign of a strong character, but it happens.

I suppose the good thing about a divorce where one person goes berserk is that the person who stays normal feels more sure of the life changes brought by divorce, and less bothered by the loss of the marriage.

What housecat's ex-husband did is unconscionable in any culture. What a creep.


Neither person in a marriage stays "normal" through a divorce. Part of the huge resentment I had of my ex for a long time was forcing me to live in a way I didn't choose to, forcing me to raise my son in poverty until I could claw back out of it again, forcing us both through so much stress. I was forced to change because he wanted to be an arsehole. There were any number of other, better options.

Yes, he was a creep. (And yes, it would also be an un-womanly thing to do. It just would never have occured to me.)
Forumosan avatar
housecat
Almost a God (jīhū shì shén)
Almost a God (jīhū shì shén)
 
Posts: 6613
Joined: 16 Jun 2003, 18:14
Location: Seven Bridges Road
96 Recommends(s)
115 Recognized(s)



Re: My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Postby pgdaddy » 08 Jan 2010, 08:24

Okami wrote:
In a Taiwanese fight, nothing and I mean nothing is off limits.

The other thing is that if you don't want a divorce, then just don't agree to it as it is hard to get a divorce otherwise. Most people just want to be done with it at the time though and end the fighting. They then run into the very real fact that unless you spend a lot of money or kill your former spouse in a way that doesn't get you caught, the Taiwanese partner can make it impossible for you to ever see your child again. The police, courts and judges will all pass you off and tell you to negotiate. :roll:

We've seen this time and again how the Taiwanese authorities have manipulated this. The Brazilian boy, the American who had a court order for his child and then was refused exit with her and later lost in Taiwan, etc.


How true this is. And the unbelievable thing is, the cruelty doesn't finish even when the battle is over. As all those who have read my story on Forumosa will know, I have been denied access to my child and the reaction of the courts is as Okami describes.

I have accepted defeat and left Taiwan, but my ex continues to try and inflict pain on me. I tell her that all I want is for our son to be happy, and for me to have some input in his future, and for her to send me some photos and tell me how he is. I have sent her the child support every month. All I get from her is negative and accusing e-mails, threatening further legal action. She said that she will let me see him if I return to Taiwan, but that she has to inform me that I will be arrested on arrival because of her Mickey Mouse criminal allegations such as sending her a "defamatory" e-mail. She says "welcome back to Taiwan, see you in jail". And it's true, my lawyers have advised me that the court has requested a warrant for my arrest should I return to Taiwan.

I just don't understand what motivates a person to act like this, when they have already won the fight. I think that my ex and others like her are so extreme and persistent in their cruelty and irrationality is because the legal system in Taiwan not only allows this behaviour, but rewards it. From being a loving father wanting nothing else than to be with his son, I am now a criminal. I attended several court hearings and it was clear that the judges don't give a toss about establishing the truth and making a fair judgement, they simply follow a procedure. The courts are just a sham and a facade for the fuck-up that lies beneath. And the lawyers are just a cog in the machine, another brick in the wall. Ask yourself why no Formosa member has been able to recommend a lawyer who has successfully represented them in a battle for child custody ?

Taiwan has a very, very long way to go when it comes to the family courts.

What makes me angry is that there is so little public information about this, for instance why don't the foreign missions in Taiwan (BTCO etc) place some kind of warning on their websites ? I have sent an e-mail to the BTCO about this, of course they will do nothing. So in the end, it's up to people like me to put my story on the web to try to make others aware before it is too late for them. Everybody knows about the problems for foreign parents in Japan, which have been all over the press. Why not the same for Taiwan ? The problem is that the people in Taiwan, not just the locals but the foreigners, seem to do a very good job at hiding reality from themselves and others. In Taiwan, thinking too much is certainly detrimental to your health.

For every foreign parent who has gone through what I have, there are thousands of local Taiwanese men and women who have been through the same. Why don't they complain, make a fuss ? Who is there to listen to them ? Why doesn't the incompetence of the family courts become an issue in the media ? Until the people learn to externalise their feelings in a positive and constructive way and face up to the truth, things will never change.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant. But being on the outside now gives me a clarity of vision I never had before.
Forumosan avatar
pgdaddy
Shoe-wielding Legislator (huīwǔ xiézi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
Shoe-wielding Legislator (huīwǔ xiézi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
 
Posts: 247
Joined: 30 Jul 2009, 23:12
Location: Back in sunny Hemel
1 Recognized(s)



Re: My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Postby divea » 08 Jan 2010, 08:50

This is common enough here that you see or hear about it every year and sometimes multiple times in a year.


Its a cultural thing then. Kinda accepted. Histrionics.I just hope folks get to see their kids and have normalcy restored.

So what if you are not a foreigner?? That is how does this locking yourself in or kidnapping the kid go down in Taiwanese marriages? Or are these histrionics reserved for foreign spouses with little legal wriggle room?
"It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong. "
- Leo Roston
divea
Retired President (tuì xiū de zǒng tǒng)
Retired President (tuì xiū de zǒng tǒng)
 
Posts: 5689
Joined: 19 Mar 2008, 00:45
Location: In the land of Ambrosia
362 Recommends(s)
116 Recognized(s)



Re: My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Postby Okami » 08 Jan 2010, 12:36

divea wrote:Its a cultural thing then. Kinda accepted. Histrionics.I just hope folks get to see their kids and have normalcy restored.

So what if you are not a foreigner?? That is how does this locking yourself in or kidnapping the kid go down in Taiwanese marriages? Or are these histrionics reserved for foreign spouses with little legal wriggle room?

It happens to Taiwanese as well, but they tend to have better support networks with family and such. Sometimes it's just hard nose negotiating and other times it's because one party is bonkers. I'd basically counsel anyone that is going to or contemplating a divorce to either negotiate it out, and expect to loose everything up to and including your self respect.
Professor Walter Williams has remarked that he’s glad he went to college “before it became fashionable for white people to like black people.”
Forumosan avatar
Okami
Second Landlord (èr fáng dōng)
Second Landlord (èr fáng dōng)
 
Posts: 2538
Joined: 21 Sep 2002, 20:10
8 Recommends(s)
22 Recognized(s)



Re: My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Postby itakitez » 11 Jan 2010, 11:11

Okami wrote: I'd basically counsel anyone that is going to or contemplating a divorce to either negotiate it out, and expect to loose everything up to and including your self respect.


or...?

Or is that the point?

Lose self respect and try to negotiate, or lose self respect and dont try to negotiate.

My only input is my taiwanese friend told me a normal phrase here for divorce

"Take the money and go."

ie, I'll give you the car, house and kids, just leave my life. This maye be why

1. All guys have secret bank accounts
2. Courts tend to favour one party, who gets it all
3. Why people go to such lengths in a divorce, its "all or nothing litigation", which from a legal PoV is the worst type

Do they have a divorce arbitration system here? Can you both agree to a binding agreement to have a neutral party (normally lawyer representing neither side) hear the evidence and determine the compensation accordingly?
[during the earthquake] all the violent back-and-forth swaying led me to sinful contemplation of wild and lustful acts of fornication

Almas John 03.04.10
Forumosan avatar
itakitez
Chinese Class Dropout (Zhōngwén kè zhōngchuòshēng)
Chinese Class Dropout (Zhōngwén kè zhōngchuòshēng)
 
Posts: 743
Joined: 28 Dec 2006, 13:38
Location: sunny daze



Re: My wife locked me out and refuse to let me see my baby

Postby funkymonkey » 11 Jan 2010, 11:23

itakitez wrote:1. All guys have secret bank accounts


We do? :eek: Mine's so secret, even I don't know about it!
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.

- Eugene McCarthy
Forumosan avatar
funkymonkey
Combat Zone Mama-san (zhànqū māma sāng)
Combat Zone Mama-san (zhànqū māma sāng)
 
Posts: 1638
Joined: 17 Oct 2004, 22:23
Location: Chiayi
32 Recognized(s)



FRIENDLY REMINDER
   Please remember that Forumosa is not responsible for the content that appears on the other side of links that Forumosans post on our forums. As a discussion website, we encourage open and frank debate. We have learned that the most effective way to address questionable claims or accusations on Forumosa is by engaging in a sincere and constructive conversation. To make this website work, we must all feel safe in expressing our opinions, this also means backing up any claims with hard facts, including links to other websites.
   Please also remember that one should not believe everything one reads on the Internet, particularly from websites whose content cannot be easily verified or substantiated. Use your common sense and do not hesitate to ask for proof.
PreviousNext




Proceed to Divorce



Who is online

Forumosans browsing this forum: No Forumosans and 1 visitor

If you have a baby, bring diapers. If you're diabetic, bring syringes. If you have high blood pressure, don't forget your medication. That way, I'm not trying to make a diaper out of a sanitary pad and a pillowcase or asking over the intercom if someone has a spare inhaler.
From "13 Things Your Flight Attendant Won't Tell You"