If Forumosa Did Alaska

[Mucha Man]

1. Okay, what the fuck. Why is Anchorage, a town of 300,000, covering 1,000,000km2? Why does every house need it's own frick'n road? haven't they heard of conservation here or just building what you need?

2. Sights. What a joke. Calling stuff that is barely 70 years old "historical" is ridiculous. Yeah, like I am really going to pay $7 to see a movie about some guy no one has ever heard of or to "explore" some "old" cabin filled with tin cans that go back to WWII. Big flipping deal.

Oh yeah and on the train they stopped to show us a gravel mine. Who the fuck makes a gravel mine a tourist sight? Or a pipeline? They actually want to charge me to go see a pipeline. idiots.

3. The biggest draw in this place is Mt McKinley and that is covered in clouds 99.9999% of the time. Come on Alaska. Find some new stuff to promote that I can actually enjoy.

4. Why are there so many breweries here? is everyone an alcoholic? What a fucked up society.

5. What's with everyone saying hi to me on the street? Jesus, am I back in frickin China.

6. Why do the girls weight more than 50 kilos and have such large breasts? Why do they also drink so much, wear tattoos, and flirt outrageously? I can't adjust.

7. What's with the air here? I can't breathe with all the dust and pollens. I never had allergies like this in Taiwan.

8. And what's with the sun? It never goes down. WTF???? I can't sleep. What a fucking ridiculous place to build a society. I swear common sense has no home here.

9. Okay, I'm in a local pizza place and it's past 9pm but they are letting me stay longer cause I'm buying beer. But the cook just came out and cranked up the music. Didn't ask me or anything. If they beer wasn't so damn good, and I didn't like the music I'd would have asked him if he ever learned any manners growing up here at the edge of the world.

10. Food. WTF!!! I had a salmon burger today. They breaded the salmon and fried it. Who the fuck fries salmon? it was fucking delicious but who does that?

11. Why can't the waitresses here just leave me to drink one beer? They keep coming up and asking me if I'd like another? How am I supposed to get any work done? This place makes no sense.

12. The kids are programmed. I was walking down a dirt road and asked this 10 year old for directions to the Meandering Moose Lodge. Little git gave me a 5 minutes lecture explaining every turn, with the names of the roads, local landmarks, and finished by advising me that if I stayed at the MML I might be woken up by his father's huskies at night. I mean what kind of kid can give an answer like that? Nazi school system I suspect.

There are probably more complaints I will have as the week goes on.

[sandman]

No Alaska, no Northern Exposure. It is THAT simple. What a great show that was.

[Icon]

Please bring a bottle of air.

[tommy525]

Debbie does Dallas - M.man does Alaska ! Or probably more accurately Alaska does M.man

Remember Alaska is where misfits from CALIFORNIA go to live.

[cranky laowai]

Remember Alaska is where misfits from CALIFORNIA go to live.

Or die.

[tommy525]

Remember Alaska is where misfits from CALIFORNIA go to live.

Or die.

INdeed. So true.

[Jack Burton]

did you say hi to Sarah Palin?

[Bubba 2 Guns]

And their women are great at dog sledding! Hope you get to shoot something!

[bob]

"Alaska," what a dump.

Take a look in the river...



Those are bloody "salmon." How corny is that?

Or out the window of the plane...



Even the fucking flowers are ugly..

[Dr. McCoy]

It's so funny to put a Muzha Man in Alaska. I hope you stay warm.