Looking for a pretend boyfriend

[vanityvice]

Just wondering if there is a closeted gay guy around here (or if you know anyone in Taiwan) who would also need the help of a closeted lesbian to pass as straight only to my parents. Because I know I need one. I'm tired of the match making thing my relatives do whenever I go back to Taiwan.

[Steviebike]

I'm a closet philosopher but, that's not what you're looking for, I'm also married, and I wouldn't want to. It seems unfair to both you and your family. The fear of rejection is a powerful thing but, this is what you're ultimately dealing with. Take your time, be patient with your family and their values, slowly deal with the issues and maybe keep them at a comfortable distance. Good luck but, really don't fall into the trap of creating more layers of complication to something that is already complicated. Counselling would be a better and healthier option IMHO.

[tsukinodeynatsu]

I know it's easy for most people to say what you just did. And trust me when I say it's not like it hasn't crossed my mind. But if I wanted to give my dad a heart attack (he seriously has heart problems), and disappoint him and hurt my mom then maybe I wouldn't even think about having a 'gay guy' in my life to cover my identity. I come from a really traditional Taiwanese family, and my parents expect something from me that I can't give them, which is normalcy, I guess. The whole 'you're on your own as soon as you turn 18' does not really apply to most Asian families, or not in mine, at least. I'm aware, it's my life, they'll have to deal with it sooner or later. But I guess right now is not the right time for that and they'd rather have false hopes about this whole thing. So that's what I'm giving them. It won't complicate things, I just need someone who understands where I'm coming from and also needs the same help because their parents are not as cool as yours. Just thought I'd try my luck, I've read that many Taiwanese gay men are married to women, and are still hooking up with gay guys. So some (if not most) of the Taiwanese gay population is under this kind of stress. Anyway, thank you for the response, though. I appreciate it.

[trubadour]

Yeah - loads of guys do it. I know one in a restaurant for sure.
I'd do it for money! not gay though, sorry!

[Steviebike]

I know it's easy for most people to say what you just did. And trust me when I say it's not like it hasn't crossed my mind. But if I wanted to give my dad a heart attack (he seriously has heart problems), and disappoint him and hurt my mom then maybe I wouldn't even think about having a 'gay guy' in my life to cover my identity. I come from a really traditional Taiwanese family, and my parents expect something from me that I can't give them, which is normalcy, I guess. The whole 'you're on your own as soon as you turn 18' does not really apply to most Asian families, or not in mine, at least. I'm aware, it's my life, they'll have to deal with it sooner or later. But I guess right now is not the right time for that and they'd rather have false hopes about this whole thing. So that's what I'm giving them. It won't complicate things, I just need someone who understands where I'm coming from and also needs the same help because their parents are not as cool as yours. Just thought I'd try my luck, I've read that many Taiwanese gay men are married to women, and are still hooking up with gay guys. So some (if not most) of the Taiwanese gay population is under this kind of stress. Anyway, thank you for the response, though. I appreciate it.

I understand what you're saying but, maybe the pressure is best left as pressure. False hopes are only going to bring new pressures and promises you can't keep. I'm not saying you should just 'open' up. What I'm saying is:

Take your time, be patient with your family and their values

They have their values and whilst they might not be yours, you have to respect them for now. Time will deal with things, nothing last forever - really nothing. So just let them worry about you being single, don't let them worry about you getting married. Do you really want to live a sham, rather than just quietly getting on with your life and saying little?

[tsukinodeynatsu]

I already posted on the other thread the OP started in the Dating and Relationships section. I'm leaving Taiwan, but might be willing to help out. The OP can send me a message.

By the way, I'm not gay, but totally understand why you wouldn't want to tell your parents. The Westerners on this website are giving you advice based on their own culture, which doesn't really apply to you. Also, there are people in the West who have been disowned because of coming out to their parents. People who live in Asia tend to forget a lot of the bad in their home countries.

[sandman]

I know it's easy for most people to say what you just did. And trust me when I say it's not like it hasn't crossed my mind. But if I wanted to give my dad a heart attack (he seriously has heart problems), and disappoint him and hurt my mom then maybe I wouldn't even think about having a 'gay guy' in my life to cover my identity. I come from a really traditional Taiwanese family, and my parents expect something from me that I can't give them, which is normalcy, I guess. The whole 'you're on your own as soon as you turn 18' does not really apply to most Asian families, or not in mine, at least. I'm aware, it's my life, they'll have to deal with it sooner or later. But I guess right now is not the right time for that and they'd rather have false hopes about this whole thing. So that's what I'm giving them. It won't complicate things, I just need someone who understands where I'm coming from and also needs the same help because their parents are not as cool as yours. Just thought I'd try my luck, I've read that many Taiwanese gay men are married to women, and are still hooking up with gay guys. So some (if not most) of the Taiwanese gay population is under this kind of stress. Anyway, thank you for the response, though. I appreciate it.

Uber-cool! You sound like a very nice person indeed. Refreshing. Best of luck to you, although I don't think you sound like you need it. I could come for tea at your folk's house, but I fear it would create even MORE problems -- "You're going out with a FAT, OLD foreign dude? Damn, girl, sometimes I wish you'd been born a lesbian!"

[John]

Moderator's note:

The OP posted the same topic in the dating forum (please do NOT double post).

I have locked this thread, feel free to carry one here: http://forumosa.com/taiwan/viewtopic.ph ... 5#p1417269