housecat wrote: jdsmith wrote:
God knows I want to be there for my children now, it hurts me so much that they are going to have to grow up without me, in Taiwan of all place. I have put myself through hell trying to ensure contact with them in the past, but if returning to Taiwan now is going to be as counterproductive as I think it will be, I am going to be of no use to my children now or in the future, right ?
It seems that you have already made your decision. Congrats.
But, before I go and shower off this thread, you haven't really been much use to your children anyway up to this point. You seem to be a mess emotionally and a disaster in relationships. Growing up without all this, pardon my French, fucking drama, might not be so bad for the kids. Lots of kids don't have a dad around, let alone a train wreck. IMVHO, you seem to be thinking more of yourself than your kids here.
Send your child support and back off. That's my advice. Oh and think until your thinker can't think no more how YOU got yourself into such an unbelievably disadvantageous position with these women, their families and your children.
And what CP said.
I feel the same. Every post you make is about how you feel and what you want. You do not seem to have a thought about what is actually best for your children. IMO, it's better for a child to not have to live with the drama that you seem to cause in your relationships again and again. Let the kids grow up in some peace. If you prove yourself by sending the due support, then one day they will grow up and realize what that meant to them, and to their mothers--who they LOVE whether you do or not.
A second point is that if you come back here, and especially if you have to be here for any length of time, and if you aren't locked up for that time--what's to stop you from having yet another child you will not get to actively father?
I would never, never get into to such a relationship again, let alone to have more children. I have learnt my lessons, and learnt more about myself, partially thanks to a little therapy. As for drama, well although I did make mistakes, most of the actual drama was caused by my ex's. To subject young children to any kind of drama or upheaval is abhorrent to me. Perhaps you should know this better than most having had a Taiwanese ex yourself. As always, Housecat, you seem to say what you want to say without looking, or perhaps caring for the actual facts of the situation- if you want to vent because you are unhappy in your own life then maybe it's best to vent on the teacher's forum, not here ? Your postings do seem to suggest that you are better able to tell us stories about your own life than give advice to others. And by the way, I do feel sorry for you for all the crap you seem to have to take week-on-week from your various employers- and have at no point even thought about blaming it on you- as you have done to me.
Imagine what it would be like for you if you could not see your child for even one day, then multiply that by a thousand, a million when you don't know when or even if you can see them again, how they will grow up without you, when they need your moral guidance more than anything else. Yes, it's not just mothers that feel this way- it's fathers too.
Yes, I do send generous support in both cases, and yes, I do love both children more than anything.
And I guess you didn't read it when I said it at least twice before- I am just trying to establish the practical consequences of me returning to Taiwan now to visit and be as much to a father to at least one of my sons as I can possibly be. I am not looking for any moral judgements. Clue: that's I why started the topic in the legal forum.