child at risk

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Re: child at risk

Postby Hartzell » 26 Mar 2012, 08:29

sandman wrote:Get off this website. RIGHT NOW! Get a lawyer. NOW! If you don't, you WILL lose your child. It is that simple. MOVE! You have no time to waste.

Sandman's advice is worth heeding.
Richard W. Hartzell
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Re: child at risk

Postby pgdaddy1 » 26 Mar 2012, 11:32

Hartzell wrote:
sandman wrote:Get off this website. RIGHT NOW! Get a lawyer. NOW! If you don't, you WILL lose your child. It is that simple. MOVE! You have no time to waste.

Sandman's advice is worth heeding.


But, I am sad to say, with the added caveat: "Even if you do hire a lawyer, there is still a higher than average chance that you will "lose" your child".

In many cases, a Taiwanese woman who is living abroad and whose relationship or marriage fails, especially if she is in a dependent position and doesn't have her own career, is very likely to want to return to Taiwan. That's just natural. And if she has children she will be desperate to take them back home with her. Which is also natural. And she will stop at nothing until she accomplishes her aim. Which is not fair to anyone involved except herself, but it's a fact.

And it is more likely than not that the law will be on her side, especially if your daughter is young. If she obtains legal aid then your situation becomes even more difficult. Court custody battles are long, traumatic, you will be dragged through the mud and hung, drawn and quartered for every small mistake you ever made. If you lose then you will end up feeling a bitter man, including against the lawyers to whom you paid tens of thousands, and who may even have told you that you had a good chance of winning ....

I just want to present you with this worst case scenario, so you can mentally prepare. If your daughter was born in Australia and you have all been living there for several years then your chances of the court preventing the mother removing her to Taiwan will increase in court.

Others here have used the term "lose" your child and I would urge you not to look at it like that. I did, and it made the "loss" all the more difficult for me. If the mother is successful in taking your daughter back to Taiwan, then you will not have lost her. If you can maintain good relations with their mother then they will know that you are a good father, and will come to find you when they are older. Sure, this in no way compensates for all those lost years where you cannot be there for her, but she is not lost.

And maintaining good relations with the mother start now. Difficult if she is irrational or abusive. But the advice that my Taiwanese friends gave me, which seems ridiculous at the time, is true. Don't make your wife "angry" - shengqi. Avoid that at all costs. At all times try to maintain a peace with her, albeit a superficial one. Even if you are going through a court process, keep as calm as possible in your relations with her. In the event that she is successful in returning to Taiwan with your daughter, this will pay dividends for you in the future.

And even better would be if you can salvage your marriage. It sounds like you feel that your relationship is not recoverable now, and I would feel the same if I were you, your wife sounds like a complete mare and impossible to live with. However, if you can take a step aside for the moment and look at the reasons for her anger problems, then this may help. Does she have a job and career in Australia ? Does she have an independent social life ? Is she happy in herself ? Now from what you have said, I imagine the answer to all of these is no. But if you can help her to achieve these, then your marriage changes completely.

Good luck to you and please keep us posted on your situation here.
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Re: child at risk

Postby tommy525 » 26 Mar 2012, 14:56

totally second what pgdaddy wrote

Words of a man who has indeed been through that kind of situation.

Wise words, heed them.

Your children will KNOW they are bonded to you with blood and will want to know you and want to see you and have you in their lives too.

Unless you cut ties with them or show them nothing but ugliness.

The blood ties between a child and his/her dad and mom will always be stronger then the ties between the husband and the wife and can never be divorced.
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