The Crazy Ex

[coladag]

So I'm sure I'm not the first one to be writing about an ex, and looking for legal help but here it is. I came to Taiwan with/for my now ex and we split up about a week ago. Last weekend she showed up at my apartment and refused to leave, she's called me over 100 times this week (not exaggerating) and I just found out she is taking the bus down from Taipei once again to see me, I'm in Kaohsiung. The first legal question is if I can get a restraining order as a foreigner without his ARC. I'm on a temporary visa for the time being, though I will be getting the ARC in a few weeks since I just took a new job. She has threatened me via email/phone/text message, saying she is going to show up at my new job, call the cops on me (for no reason I swear), and get me kicked out of my apartment as I will explain next. She has also refused to leave my apartment when I asked her nicely too. Though this has been horrible in itself, I am getting the impression that it is just the beginning. I can't sleep at night and don't know my legal rights here.

The second question is more complex. She helped me find my new apartment through a friends mom. We don't have a contract, just a verbal agreement of 12,000 NT /month and a 20,000 NT deposit. My ex has threatened that if I don't stay with her, she is going to tell the owner who doesn't speak any English that I am a bad person and make sure I get kicked out immediately. Assuming that my ex does convince the owner of me being a bad guy, can she just kick me out on the street after taking my monthly rent only a few days ago? What will the cops due if they are called? Again not ARC, at least not yet.

I know that there is the law, and then there is what really happens with the law. If anyone has knowledge or advice I would really really appreciate it, or possibly an agency that I could call. I can't find anything that fits my situation and I don't know what to do. I'm out of my league and honestly a bit scared of what is going to happen.

[Chris]

So I'm sure I'm not the first one to be writing about an ex, and looking for legal help but here it is. I came to Taiwan with/for my now ex and we split up about a week ago.

From her reaction, it sounds more like you split up with her. Word to the wise: it's best to wait until you get your ARC before breaking off a relationship.

By the way, you refer to her as merely your "ex". Is she an ex-gf or a separated wife? To get the best advice, you'll need to specify.

[Jaboney]

The first legal question is if I can get a restraining order as a foreigner without his ARC. I'm on a temporary visa for the time being, though I will be getting the ARC in a few weeks since I just took a new job. She has threatened me via email/phone/text message, saying she is going to show up at my new job, call the cops on me (for no reason I swear), and get me kicked out of my apartment as I will explain next.

My understanding is that it's tough to get a restraining order under the best of circumstances. You're fresh off the boat, and you're working illegally -- not the best of circumstances.

If anyone has knowledge or advice I would really really appreciate it, or possibly an agency that I could call. I can't find anything that fits my situation and I don't know what to do. I'm out of my league and honestly a bit scared of what is going to happen.

Got any friends you can stay with? Anything valuable in the apartment she might trash if she gets in when you're not there?

If you can avoid her by avoiding the apartment, great. If not, protect yourself. Meet in public. Record it.

[achdizzy1099]

You are in a no win situation if you stay at your current place.

If you want out of the relationship but she won't leave, then you must leave.

I would find a new place and don't tell her where you live. This should solve your problem.

If you have no lease, you can just walk away.

Gonna cost you anyway you look at it.

I don't think a restraining order or anything the courts/police can do is going to help.

You could also hire some gangsters to scare her a bit, but that will also cost you.

I suggest growing a pair and learn how to handle your woman. this is the free solution to the problem.

BTW, How are you going to get an ARC without a written lease? This is an absolute necessity.

T

[coladag]

So I'm sure I'm not the first one to be writing about an ex, and looking for legal help but here it is. I came to Taiwan with/for my now ex and we split up about a week ago.

From her reaction, it sounds more like you split up with her. Word to the wise: it's best to wait until you get your ARC before breaking off a relationship.

I'm not worried about the ARC, I have a job lined up and staying with a person I don't want to be with should really have nothing to do with being legal. Also, she is my ex-girlfriend not wife and we hadn't even been dating for very long.

By the way, you refer to her as merely your "ex". Is she an ex-gf or a separated wife? To get the best advice, you'll need to specify.

[coladag]

You are in a no win situation if you stay at your current place.

If you want out of the relationship but she won't leave, then you must leave.

I would find a new place and don't tell her where you live. This should solve your problem.

If you have no lease, you can just walk away.

Gonna cost you anyway you look at it.

I don't think a restraining order or anything the courts/police can do is going to help.

You could also hire some gangsters to scare her a bit, but that will also cost you.

I suggest growing a pair and learn how to handle your woman. this is the free solution to the problem.

BTW, How are you going to get an ARC without a written lease? This is an absolute necessity.

T

Thanks for writing but seriously "grow a pair" the girl threatened herself, I might have failed to mention. Were way past the point of telling her to just back off, not when I don't want to push her off the edge. You don't need a lease to get an ARC, just an address, bank account and health report. The ARC is coming next week, I'm on a visitors visa for the moment as I wrote. Also, I'm looking for legal knowledge, otherwise I would be bitching about my problems in a different forum

[Jaboney]

The ARC is coming next week, I'm on a visitors visa for the moment as I wrote.

I'm not a lawyer, but you're a non-entity so far as 95% of the police are concerned. Except insofar as you're working illegally... a fair number will be interested in that.

I do not believe there are legal solutions available to you.

[RobinTaiwan]

There are legal options but going that route can potentially aggravate your situation. Get a new place and a new job if she knows where you work. Then send her a friendly email to say goodbye and pretend you are leaving the country for good. If she thinks you left, she will not look for you.

Good luck.

[citizen k]

Got any friends you can stay with? Anything valuable in the apartment she might trash if she gets in when you're not there?

Sound advice; I knew a guy who's girl got let into his place by the landlord and took his passport. And regardless of what you think the law is, you have a relationship with her, so you will have a very hard time trying to get any recourse (you don't speak the language, do you?) if things go even further south...be smart and careful with that one, she sounds like a firecracker..

[finley]

Having been through something similar and now emerging fairly well from the other side, I'd suggest (some of which is repeated excellent advice from others here):

1) Get the fuck out of there now and change your phone number. Worst that can happen is that you lose NT$32000 - if you let it ride, it could get a lot worse than that. Get your valuables (PASSPORT!) out of the way. And next time make sure you have a contract. If you don't speak Chinese, is there someone at work can help you? I can imagine it's not easy if you're "on your own". Anyway, don't be afraid to tell a good friend what's going on. You need a bit of moral support.

2) Call her bluff. "I'm going to kill myself" is textbook psycho xiaojie (and I'm convinced there IS a textbook). Mine pulled the same shit and she's still alive. If she decides to actually do it - and 99.999% she won't - that's her decision, not yours. Same with coming to the office; if she actually does that (I bet she won't, because she'll make herself look like a freak in front of lots of people) ignore her and she will either go away (eventually), or the staff will call the police. Don't be blackmailed or you will find yourself in deep, deep trouble. If she comes to your flat shouting and screaming, tell her to fuck off, get angry and aggressive, but DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES get violent. Apart from the fact that men don't hit women, you will find the full weight of the law coming down on you like a ton of bricks.

3) Don't imagine the law will protect you. If you are married (you need to clarify) it could get sticky. The only advantage you have is that, if you married in Taiwan, a Taiwanese marriage is not recognised as such elsewhere. If you were to leave, any judgements about alimony etc (I assume you don't have kids) would be unenforceable in another country.

Good luck!