Chinese jokes

[ehophi]

Or you could do this:

http://www.mdnkids.com/mdnjoke/

http://annotator.jiang-long.com/

[Charlie Phillips]

Thanks Teacher Lin and Cranky. I had a good laugh, learned some new characters and told my first joke in Chinese thanks to you guys.

[E04teacherlin]

Thanks Teacher Lin and Cranky. I had a good laugh, learned some new characters and told my first joke in Chinese thanks to you guys.

Well after the first response I thought maybe this wasn't such a good idea, but if you liked it I'll keep doing it. The best is other people are sharing a few also, which is great.

[ironlady]

These are great and interesting -- but maybe the poster could also post (in a separate post, if needed, so we can still guess the answer) both the answer and why the answer is funny. For example, if you don't know that Taiwanese Mandarin speakers often substitute "f" for "h", or the vocabulary behind it, then the "elephant" one doesn't make sense. That would help everyone enjoy the jokes.

[Omniloquacious]

一個女生問她的男朋友: 您願不願意為我而死?

他回答: 當然願意!

她: 真的嗎?

他: 真的!

她: 我怎麼可以相信您?

他: 這樣子。
他挖了一個耳屎而伸出手指給她吃。

她: 什麼意思?

他: 我餵您耳屎!

(This only works with Taiwanese Mandarin pronunciation.)

[riceworm]

雨後的一天，老和尚與小和尚下山化齋。途經一條小河，水流得很急。因爲沒有橋，師徒只好涉水過河。正當他們要過河時，一位女施主叫住了他們：「師父，您能幫我過河嗎？水流太急我過不去。」

小和尚一臉愧色：「施主，你還是等水緩時再過去吧，我們是出家人不太方便。」而在這個時候，老和尚已經蹲下拍拍肩說道：「女施主，老衲背你渡河。」就這樣，老和尚背著女施主過河。

小和尚跟在師父後面就很鬱悶，心想：「男女授受不親，不近女色，更何況是和尚。」過了河，老和尚放下了女施主，師徒就繼續上路了。小和尚一路上百思不得其解，心裏一直在想：「師父平日教導我們，出家人不近女色，爲何今日竟背了一女人呢？！」

直到城裏，老和尚正準備化齋，小和尚終於忍不住了，說道：「師父！你平日怎麽樣教導我，今日爲何自己又背了個女人呢？」

老和尚笑答：「徒兒，師父過了河，已經把她放下了，你怎麼還一直背著啊？！」

[Teddoman]

riceworm

I missed the punch line on that.
背著手=with one's hands clasped behind one's back
but I didn't see how that's funny

Or did the old monk mean, "I already put her down after we crossed the river, why did this burden your mind all the way home?"

Either way, I'm not sure I get why it's funny

老師: 小朋友，你們誰可以用 elephant 造句？

小明: 老師，我會我會。

老師: 那你跟大家說吧。

小明: 陳水扁elephant多錢！！

老師: ...

Lǎoshī: Xiǎopéngyou, nǐmen shéi kẹ̌yǐ yòng "elephant" zàojù?

Xiǎo Míng: Lǎoshī, wǒ huì wǒ huì.

Lǎoshī: Nà nǐ gēn dàjiā shuō ba.

Xiǎo Míng: Chén Shuǐbiǎn elephant* duō qián!!

Lǎoshī: ...


* = "A le hěn"

Is "A" slang for stealing? What's the verb there?

Chen Shuibian ____ a lot of money.