All men will cheat, wife wants 100% control of money -- help

[Indiana]

Separate accounts are the smart way to go, IMO. My husband and I put our money together soon after we started dating, and had continued to do so up until about two years ago (after 8 years of putting our cash together). The reason we decided to split it was because I had ended up doing all of the finances and my husband took a back seat to it and ended up not knowing what was going on unless I continually updated him. That was fine, but it got old after we started to bicker a little bit over money before we went to study for a year and weren't going to be working. For the first time, we started disagreeing about how much we needed to save and what was "ok" to spend. In the end, we split our savings and went independently from there to avoid future problems. It has worked a charm. We keep separate accounts but periodically put cash into a joint fund, which we use for bills and nights out and the like. It also takes the guilt away when you want to spend cash on something extra for yourself, for example.

I would also be wary of letting your TW spouse take complete control. I know of a certain mindset of the women in Taiwan to stash cash away in case something goes wrong in the marriage. I also personally know a woman who admitted to me one night after a few drinks that she had put a down payment on a house for her parents with her husband's money without his knowledge. She said she had been stashing it away for a few years and that he hadn't noticed. The amount was NT 300,000. In addition to that, she gives money to her family without his knowledge. Her husband trusted (and still does trust) her completely too, not to mention his trust in her whole family, who together seem to systematically pull the wool over his eyes when it comes to money matters (and other matters which his wife has admitted to me, but I won't get into those here, I will get too angry ). So, be careful, lads...

[urodacus]

^ best answer. put half (or another agreed amount) into a joint account, use that for joint investment and purchases, and buy your joints from your own half.

[Craig]

Well this is not directly about mixed marriages and money, but I feel that what gets most couples into financial trouble is a lack of communication, and a lack of understanding of how their money is working or not working for them. The issues most individuals have is spending habits and a lack of doing a budget (most people have no idea where their money goes every month). I feel that both people in a couple need to understand their money and where it is going. Leaving all the responsibility to one person is dangerous and irresponsible. What happens if one person (the money controller) dies unexpectedly (yes it can happen) and then other has no idea what to do about finances or even where the money is, or even if they have control over it (here in Taiwan there is a risk of that).

As for giving money to family members, this is risky, especially to people who have demonstrated that they are poor with money, if I was married I would never just give money to my in-laws, giving money to people with money problems almost never solves their money problems. They need to change their habits first, if you just give them money they will waste it. I would want to know that they are going to handle the money "responsibly". After all as a few other posters have said, it is important that you take care of you and your spouse first, then when you are in a strong position to give that is when you give. I know people will say but what about traditions and obligations. Traditions are great if they are handled in a responsible manner, I am not Taiwanese so if I eventually marry my girlfriend we will not live our lives 100% Taiwanese, if she demands this well I will not get married as it is probably not going to work

A lot of what people have said in this thread I feel, could have been solved with better pre-marriage communication and post-marriage continuation of that communication . Be married is not always easy but when you can't discuss money in reasonable ways well things will get tough. And financial trouble is the number 1 reason for divorce in N. America.

So in short everyone should understand their money and how it works (or doesn’t).