All men will cheat, wife wants 100% control of money -- help

[miltownkid]

Ah yes... money.

When I got here I had none and did Taiji all day. Then I got a job and gave it all to my wife (that stuff's just Monopoly money right? Can't really use it.) Maybe that was like 60-75,000+/month. All I knew is I had the toys I liked and did the stuff I wanted. Life was grand.

Then I had to take a break from working to the tune of a year, studied Chinese, ekcetra. Then I started again and gave it all again (and still had my toys, so thought nothing of it.)

Eventually I realised I had no idea how much I spent on anything, but anytime there was an argument about money I was told I spent it all (though thought it wasn't the case, but couldn't be sure because I have expensive toys .)

Finally realized I need to master the art of money (something I've avoided for some time.) Now I track every NT dollar I spend, so if there's ever a question of where it goes, I can show it. There's also a set amount I give that covers some expenses and some savings and as long as I give that, all is well in the miltownverse.

I must say though that when I initially started tracking every NT dollar, things didn't go over very well. After explaining the system and how it's used to help me build my relationship with money, she was cool about it. She still likes to do some budget thing where she spends X amount per day or week or something, I don't know.

For like meals and stuff, I pay sometimes. Sometimes she pays, sometime it gets split. It depends on the situation I suppose. She likes going to restaurants that cost like 1 Xbox360 game PER PERSON!!! I don't care how much money I have, when it comes to a choice between an Xbox360 game and a "fancy" meal, there's no question where the my money should go (just kiddin'... sort of... a little. )

Wife just walked in and read this over my shoulder and agreed. She also said her budget is like 2000/week (that must not include Xbox360 dinners.... She probably takes that out of my "savings" , women are smarter than men.)

I sucked with money a year ago. Now I'd almost say I'm pimp (but not quite.)

[Satellite TV]

I sucked with money a year ago. Now I'd almost say I'm pimp (but not quite.)

See I was right, you only need money for gas booze and whoring. Miltown's got the right idea about the whoring side though.... Pimp some babes out..

He's making a fortune....

[ChouDoufu]

You can have a bank account with both husband's and wife's names (joint account). My wife and I have one at CCB.

Please elaborate, if you have a joint account with both names on the account and equal rights to its funds, then a lot of us here are under a quite a misconception.

Nothing really to elaborate. My wife and I have a joint account at Chang Hua Commercial Bank. . . . <SNIP>
If you want to open a joint account you may have to push your bank to verify its own information before they give you a final answer.

Wow, looks like I should have pushed the wife harder. She's usually very good and verifying this kind of thing. But I guess I can't blame her as you would think that the bank staff would be informed about something as basic as this. We're going to give this another shot with HSBC tomorrow; I'll report back here.

HSBC is still giving us the same line, we made multiple phone calls (in both Chinese and English) and submitted e-mail requests. Basically, we can have me added to my wifes account, I will have pretty much all of the same rights, but they can not put it in both of our names. That still doesn't make any sense to me. Especially that CCB (actually, isn't is CHB?) would allow this and HSBC would not.

The funny thing is that I don't care so much about having a joint account. I don't need one for money transfers or anything, I just don't like the fact that someone else was able to get one and I'm not.

[DesperateHousewife]

The funny thing is that I don't care so much about having a joint account. I don't need one for money transfers or anything, I just don't like the fact that someone else was able to get one and I'm not.

How about it boils down to being treated like an adult. I swear living in Taiwan, I don't feel like an adult. I can place money into the infrastructure but I can't preserve my own. Yet, I have to remind myself that this is a culture that thrives on the fundamental idea of community and that in Western Culture, it can be all for one and one for all. So, perhaps there may have to be some concession somewhere and I guess it will have to be on my part for the meanwhile......

[dumas]

Why is this sticky?

[Namahottie]

Why is this sticky?

Quite a few people have found this informative and an issue that needs to be highlighted.

That'll be $500nt, Next question please.

[karmaGfa]

Imagine that you let her handle the whole finance of your couple, that you let her have only her name on your house, on the car that you bought together. Imagine that one day you will have a fight with her about a sensitive subject where both of you won't accept the opinion of the other one (for instance, let's say .. due to culture difference), you may be like me : kicked out by the police from your own place, and left without anything and without money.

I guess that you don't believe that your wife could do something like that. I believe that you don't understand that you may be in a situation where everybody say bad things about you (let's say .. because of culture difference) and you just become highjacked by her family's advices. In this situation, this kind of thing may happen, and I don't hope you to face it.

In other words, I strongly recommend you to love her that best you can, but to not let her have any opportunity to do something bad to you or to your couple ... because "in Taiwan everything can happen" (copyright 2002 - karmaGfa).

One last thing : Her family and her experimented some terrible situations before ? Yes, so it means that you are already the target of a kick-out gun that won't hesitate to shoot you after any relational problem between you and your wife. The whole "let me handle the money" thing is not helping her to protect her against a relational problem, it is only helping her to not feel hurt if you guys broke up. In other words, just to make sure that the kick-out gun will work smoothly in case she need it.

Open your eyes and realize it. To marry someone doesn't mean that you let your wife have a knife under your throat. Don't accept this situation. Don't make any concession. That's just not normal.

[Stian]

I will have a farm with two houses once my parents decide they want to handle it over to me and that is something that will allways belong to me and me only.

My SO helps to pay my mother in laws car and some loans she had taken up to pay for the daughters education. They are 3 daughers and no boys.

I have what I nead and she tok 40 000 away from me and about the same from her own acount to invest in a solar power company.

When I'm broke I get money from her and when she is broke she take my ATM card.

I blame her when she waste money on clodes and she blame me when I waste money on computer stuff and cooking stuff.

She pay all the bills and ask me to pay some off it if she can't do that alone witch is fine by me since I do live in her apartment for free.

The only times there is truble in paradise is when I buy something for 600NT and she know a place I could buy it for 500NT.
Personaly I'm willing to pay 100NT extra if I can get it now and not have to drive for 20 minutes more.

If we where to buy a house I would defently make shure I own a part off it or that we had a contract stating that one off us own the house, but the other one has the right to live there for life unless a financial compensation is given (50% of the curent value of the house)

[tairus]

Even before marry i let my future wife understand that I'm not going to be a sponsor for her parents. She tried to tell something like "it's taiwanese tradition. we can help them by moneys", but I said clearly - it will not happen.
Especially after their really bad move: When they found their daughter has boyfriend they stopped to pay her study (she is studying in university) and simple went to bank and got loan for study under her name. I know they have enough money to pay study. And it was 1 year BEFORE we married. They abandoned daughter too quickly and easy.. Such parents don't deserve any care.

[urodacus]

10,000 nt a month is a fairly common gift from daughter to mother, but to really be in touch with taiwan culture, once she marries out of the family, she is OUT of the family. she is then part of the husband's family. sorry, you're being used.

waiguoren=cash cow

and do you have any say over how the mum's business is run? or any return from it? probably not, so you are not under any obligation to pay.