Is a husband liable for a wife's debts?

[Jaboney]

You know, ice raven, the later post about how this was hidden from you, and how your wife was taking some rather extreme acts behind your back... that I'd take seriously. The money, not so much, much as it'd be a bite in the ass.

Luck sorting your various issues.

[Namahottie]

Ideally...but my ability to do even that has been hamstrung as she took our entire year's savings, gave half to her boss to pay off a mistake, lent the other half to a friend, got it back, and spent it.

Oh snap! That would be grounds for divorce for me. Not to be gossipy about the situation but that proves why one needs to take finances seriously before, during and after a marriage.

Or it proves why you are still single.
Sulking about it, too, I'm guessing.

Nice potshot. Go into comedy I'm sure you'll do well.

Seriously, I understand what you are saying. My comment you quoted above was in response to the OP because he mentioned hoping he'd known about the 400k debt before he got married. 400k is not THAT much. If it's enough to stop you from marrying someone you love dearly, you are a cheapstake. No question.

400k is a lot. Enough to put future plans on hold. I guess I would be "a cheapstake cheapskate" because love doesn't pay the bills, cure cancer or create world peace as of yet. The reality is, marriage is a relationship that needs to be navigated with trust, strong communication and common values. If one partner is holding out then how in the hell do you expect to have love flourish in such an environment? To withhold such information from the onset, doesn't set healthy tone for the relationship. Did the OP say that this debt is now affected by 26% rate on a credit card?!?!?! That's a lot of interest on top of the current amount of principle and hell the way the economy is, no matter what country you in, you can't take for granted that it's going to be paid off by two incomes.

[Icon]

Ideally...but my ability to do even that has been hamstrung as she took our entire year's savings, gave half to her boss to pay off a mistake, lent the other half to a friend, got it back, and spent it.

Oh snap! That would be grounds for divorce for me. Not to be gossipy about the situation but that proves why one needs to take finances seriously before, during and after a marriage.

Or it proves why you are still single.
Sulking about it, too, I'm guessing.

Seriously, I understand what you are saying. My comment you quoted above was in response to the OP because he mentioned hoping he'd known about the 400k debt before he got married. 400k is not THAT much. If it's enough to stop you from marrying someone you love dearly, you are a cheapstake. No question.

Robin, it is not the money, nor the amount of money itself to be precise. It is the lack of responsibility, the lying, the foolish decisions, until the otehr party is dragged into the mess.

Finances are a major breaker in relationships. It is not about teh money itself, it ios the management of teh problem by the partner which tells all. The problem will not go away by just paying. This person cannot bne trusted with money -not at work, not at home.

[headhonchoII]

Everybody deserves a second chance, but it looks like you'll have to control your finances by yourself for a long-time. Also, losing a lot of money when you don't have money is certainly a big deal. There are lots of rich folks in Taiwan who routinely go along with this with their wives/gfs, but for us regular folk it's not an option.

Options for handling the debt

1. If credit card debt you can negotiate down, the govt. will back you as the banks are legally mandated to reduce 'kazhai' , as Icon said. Check with a financial consultant on the procedure, you might have to miss some payments etc. before they let you do this. You can get a lowered interest rate and probably knock off a fair bit of the principal.

2. Leave to NZ and leave the debt in Taiwan, paying back 400k is a pain in the ass. See how it works out in NZ, if good great, if not the debt is your wife's problem (kind of fair way to deal with things in my view).

I have experience of debt problems in Taiwan (through partner) and it was pretty rough with the phone calls and intimidating tactics the bank employs. Having debt hanging over a relationship is a real sour feeling, I know, it's hard for somebody not to bring it up in a fight etc. Thankfully credit card 'kazhai' debts have a lot of legal protection now!

[sandman]

Damn, Robintaiwan! I wish I was as wealthy as you must be! NT$400k is like, what? A whole quarter's salary for me. I would consider it a fair old chunk o' change, personally.

[irishstu]

Hi ice raven,

Sorry, I don't any useful information for you. I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with this.

[zender]

And you have?

Anyway, good luck, OP. The amount of money is not as important as the way it was hidden from you. Hope you can get over this hump. One day you'll talk about this and laugh.

Or maybe not.

[RobinTaiwan]

Damn, Robintaiwan! I wish I was as wealthy as you must be! NT$400k is like, what? A whole quarter's salary for me. I would consider it a fair old chunk o' change, personally.

It's definitely not just pocket change. I'm not saying it's a small sum. I'm saying it's a small sum in the grand scheme of things. You'll spend far more than that in the next X years with a young one growing up, sandman. Would 400K make you reconsider it all way back before you tied the knot?

Regarding Icon's comments, I don't think I need to be lectured about the importance of sound financial management in a marriage. You make perfect sense and what you are saying is actually a provision to my opinion herein expressed. As the OP decides to stay with his wife despite her questionable financial management, he has to tighten that belt and get through this with her. Make changes where applicable to prevent this from happening again, etc.

Admittedly, I think I've been a bit too bold. Despite my rigid opinion, I understand this is not a good predicament for the OP.

Think this through, do what you think is right and I hope things will turn out for the best for you and your family, ice raven.

[BlackAdder]

In a few years from now you won’t miss that 400K. What you may miss is your wife, partnership and unity.

Live and learn.
Take this opportunity to get any other skeletons out of the closet.
Agree a forward financial plan.
Re-connect.
Laugh about it a few years from now.
Expect more truths and setbacks down the line. We are all human.

Try the lawyer road if you don't wish to stand united with your wife.

[ice raven]

Again, thanks very much for the help and support.

Admittedly, I think I've been a bit too bold. Despite my rigid opinion, I understand this is not a good predicament for the OP.

Think this through, do what you think is right and I hope things will turn out for the best for you and your family, ice raven.

Thanks RobinTaiwan.

Very good advice there too, Blackadder, and I'll bear it in mind. Though I think you misunderstood my lawyer comment - I'm considering seeking the advice of a local lawyer so my wife can better understand her position with the bank, rather than seeking separation advice.