Your silly driving.

[Funk500]

When I was about 15 I had a part time job on a milk round on early Saturday mornings, and the milkman I was with used to steal bicycles, golf clubs that kind of thing from peoples gardens and houses (yep, even in the roughest area of the city people would STILL leave their doors unlocked for the milkman to put the milk inside the front door). Anyway, one morning he had overloaded the float with too much swag, I was driving the float round a corner and I managed to tip it over.

He was one of the dodgiest guys I have ever met.

[Nuit]

Very very very dodgy, a thieving milkman. Did you ever say to him - "yer know mate, nothing gets pasteurised?"

I once tried to squeeze at high speed through a narrow gap by an entrance to a gated country estate, and 'bounced' my parent's new Volvo horribly over a huge brick lying outside the gate. Shredded both left hand-side tyres, my dad had to drive out 30 miles to rescue me. He wasn't amused.

[finley]

sing along in German to one of Rammstein's famously soft pop ballads at the time

Just count yourself lucky your friends in the convoy weren't aware of that.

I once took the roof off a McDonalds while driving a truck full of washing machines

Nice. That really belongs in the "sentences I never thought I'd say" thread from a while back.

It's not really bad driving when stuff like this happens. Humans aren't infallible. It's often just momentary inattention or some visual misinterpretation. Except when Taiwanese people do it, obviously.

I almost ditched, once. Driving along some unlit road in Normandy about 1am, dog tired, probably lost (many years pre-GPS), in a hurry to catch a ferry. It was like one of those daft movies where the car is teetering over the edge of a cliff and if anyone breathes, it'll go over. I had three wheels more-or-less on the ground and eventually managed to inch it back on the road, which was lucky, because French villagers aren't as nice to random English people as the Taiwanese.

[Ducked]

I could have tried to tell my friends that a fluffy little animal ran out in front of me and that I swerved to avoid it, but as my friends were in convoy behind me, that would have been hard to pull off...... [fuck verbatim]
.....Retrieval involved driving into the the nearest village and asking, cap in hand, for assistance. The locals did a wonderful job in supplying a heavy-duty rope, some manual labour for piling up a rock wall and a Toyota 4x4 with a complimentary driver. .

Churlish to be picky after you've fessed-up so apparently fearlessly -

BUT - Don't you drive a JEEP?

AND - Isn't it probable, gentlemen of the jury, that the "friends in convoy" were in fact none other than a 4X4 recreational off-roading "posse"?

(Recreational offroading is sometimes referred to, oxymoronically MLud, as "serious offroading", AKA "buggering about in the boonies")

If this is in fact the case, I put it to you that, as a group, by failing to self-rescue, you have lost quite a bit of face.

[Taffy]

I'm shocked and outraged.

I simply can't believe that nobody

It was a Hotpoint of contention whether I would keep my job or not.

has applauded this pun yet.

[*monkey*]

Don’t know if this counts, because I wasn’t technically driving, but here goes:

Was in Taimall for lunch one day and returned to the car park to find I couldn’t start my car. In those days you could park outside the mall in a fairly big car park that buses used. There were maybe 2 or 3 other cars and a bus parked there in an area that could hold maybe 100 vehicles.

Anyway, I knew why the car wouldn’t start – it had a dodgy starter relay and I was too lazy to replace it. So what I used to do was pop the hood, insert the ends of an uncoiled paper clip into the relay seat to kick the engine over, then close the hood and drive away normally. Kind of like the “hotwiring” you see in the movies.
Anyway, back to Taimall – I hotwired the car as I had done many times before, but quickly realized this time was different. The car was in gear and the handbrake wasn’t properly applied. Fortunately it was in reverse because if it was in “D” the car would have run me over and I probably wouldn’t be here today to write this. The engine roared into life and the car began moving backward. I could just keep pace with it running, but there was nothing I could do to stop it and it sailed off across the car park with the hood and the driver’s side door open.

Because the front wheels weren’t straight, it arced in a quarter circle that put it on a collision course with a new Toyota Camry about 20 meters away. With me still in hot pursuit, the Rodeo slammed into it, destroying a headlight, bending its bumper and caving in the front grill. The Rodeo’s spare tire carrier took the brunt of the impact so there was no noticeable damage to my car.

Looking around and expecting there to be a whole bunch of people witnessing this circus-like spectacle. I was amazed that nobody seemed to have noticed. There weren’t even any cameras in the car park to record the event.
So I did what any other honest, law-abiding citizen would do -- and jumped in the car and got the hell out of there. After all, I’m not gonna pay for damage that I didn’t technically do.

[antarcticbeech]

And then I remind myself that I recently drove into a ditch.

Yes. I drove into a rather big ditch and I did it properly. Head first.

Head first is properly? I always thought the general idea was to lose control first, get into a spin and then shoot off the road facing backwards. I was told it 'heightens the suspense'.

Never even thought about trying forwards. Hmph.

[cranky laowai]

When I was 19 I was on a long road trip. It was night and I was already tired. At that point I was driving through western Kansas, which is flat and filled with a whole lot of nothing. So I was bored as well as exhausted and sleepy. I remember being in the dark, empty countryside and blinking my eyes. At least that's what I thought I was doing. When I opened them again, what seemed like a moment later, I was driving through a well-lit town.

I pulled over quickly. No more driving after that until I had had some sleep.

[justreal]

Don’t know if this counts, because I wasn’t technically driving, but here goes:

Was in Taimall for lunch one day and returned to the car park to find I couldn’t start my car. In those days you could park outside the mall in a fairly big car park that buses used. There were maybe 2 or 3 other cars and a bus parked there in an area that could hold maybe 100 vehicles.

Anyway, I knew why the car wouldn’t start – it had a dodgy starter relay and I was too lazy to replace it. So what I used to do was pop the hood, insert the ends of an uncoiled paper clip into the relay seat to kick the engine over, then close the hood and drive away normally. Kind of like the “hotwiring” you see in the movies.
Anyway, back to Taimall – I hotwired the car as I had done many times before, but quickly realized this time was different. The car was in gear and the handbrake wasn’t properly applied. Fortunately it was in reverse because if it was in “D” the car would have run me over and I probably wouldn’t be here today to write this. The engine roared into life and the car began moving backward. I could just keep pace with it running, but there was nothing I could do to stop it and it sailed off across the car park with the hood and the driver’s side door open.

Because the front wheels weren’t straight, it arced in a quarter circle that put it on a collision course with a new Toyota Camry about 20 meters away. With me still in hot pursuit, the Rodeo slammed into it, destroying a headlight, bending its bumper and caving in the front grill. The Rodeo’s spare tire carrier took the brunt of the impact so there was no noticeable damage to my car.

Looking around and expecting there to be a whole bunch of people witnessing this circus-like spectacle. I was amazed that nobody seemed to have noticed. There weren’t even any cameras in the car park to record the event.
So I did what any other honest, law-abiding citizen would do -- and jumped in the car and got the hell out of there. After all, I’m not gonna pay for damage that I didn’t technically do.

we found you, now you pay...lol

[lumka1]

As with every accident, there were contributing factors.. There was no crash barrier...

I found the best way to get the authorities to build a crash barrier is to drive off the road into a rice paddie. Kid you not, the next day they built a barrier...

As it happened, it was late at night near my house, and a patrol car coincidentally drove past and offered to help. The very next day they constructed a 30m barrier where I left the road, but the rest of the road got nothing...