Taiwan television shows want to make more money.

[Deuce Dropper]

The only thing worse than local TV is the lao wai white uncle tom fucktards who think they're special because they appear on these shows from time to time.

I've only done the TV shit twice. Once was a discussion about the election and I thought I could make a difference by voicing my support for Ma in favor of Song telling people not to have a repeat of 2000 and split the vote (even though I supported Song). I felt like I was doing something productive. The second time I was helping my classmate who was in a jam and had to fucking explain what American BBQ sauce is and refute their disbelief that other countries have BBQ. I made a rude comment about how not only Taiwanese people know how to cook meat over fire. I never watched it because I was so disgusted by the whole thing. That comment probably got edited out because it created a massive moment of awkwardness. Nobody talks to Tao Zi like that.

My favorite thing I did on the first show was when Shen Chunhua asked me what I think the difference between Mainland China and Taiwan is I said "大陸人沒有台灣人的這麼文明，可是也很多台灣人都是井底之蛙" (Mainlanders are not as developed (?) as Taiwanese people, but there are still a ton of ignorant Taiwanese in the sense that they know nothing outside the island). Take that Taiwan! I got some nice bubbles around my face and 4 massive 井底之蛙 characters across the screen and she was shocked that I actually said that, and then made some stupid comment like "wow, it's amazing to hear a foreigner use that good Chinese to describe us Taiwanese people!". I was quite proud. I don't give a shit. I'm not gonna sit there and lie about how Taiwanese girls are 正美 or how Mainlanders are so rude. I also said Taiwan should become a Hong Kong as soon as possible.

I agree, I HATE those TV shows where the white people sit around and just talk bullshit and OMFG I LOVE Taiwan. Especially that Canadian guy on that GTV show I don't care to remember the name of. Way to fuel their misguided egos about how 'great' this place is. I hate it more when Taiwanese people ask me how funny I think they are. I think they are stupid.

This chick Barbie keeps calling me (don't know how she got my number) to be on some "Diamond Club" bullshit TV show where you have to tell jokes against their resident jokester, and if you can 'beat' him 10 times in a row (?!), you win NT100k or something. The last time she called me I laid into her really badly about how these shows are demeaning and there's no way in hell I'm going to lose my dignity in a "game show" I have no chance of winning by design, and where I literally will be laughed at out of sheer awkwardness because I will most likely mistranslate western humor. Even after all that, she still found me on Facebook and sent me this:

你好馬可

我是鑽石夜總會的芭比
我們在尋找會講中文的外國人或者混血兒

衛冕十次可以得到十萬塊
每週三錄影
這是一個很可愛的單元 希望你可以參加我們的節目
有問題可以跟我聯絡

影片參考
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thZ1CBim_zg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRUJz0Y5 ... onW_B3xjtg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCGxQeSt ... s64ZJHw%3D

芭比 097_____73

I your integrity. If I was prettier I'm sure I'd turn down many chances to be a buffoon as well. I have been on TV twice here, and the most shocking thing I learned is that those sound effects are pumped live into the studio, not edited in after the fact, fucking annoying, and the questions they asked, so Goddamn demeaning...Not worth the shit money I was paid.

[jimipresley]

I have been on TV twice here.

I'm taking back those "recommends" that I so flippantly lavished on you before.

Come to think of it, I may even unfriend you on Facebook.

[PigBloodCake]

My favorite thing I did on the first show was when Shen Chunhua asked me what I think the difference between Mainland China and Taiwan is I said "大陸人沒有台灣人的這麼文明，可是也很多台灣人都是井底之蛙" (Mainlanders are not as developed (?) as Taiwanese people, but there are still a ton of ignorant Taiwanese in the sense that they know nothing outside the island). Take that Taiwan!

Good one

I got some nice bubbles around my face and 4 massive 井底之蛙 characters across the screen and she was shocked that I actually said that, and then made some stupid comment like "wow, it's amazing to hear a foreigner use that good Chinese to describe us Taiwanese people!". I was quite proud. I don't give a shit.

It's good that you're pointing this out to them even though it'll probably get "lost in translation" (metaphorically).

正美

It's actually 正妹

I also said Taiwan should become a Hong Kong as soon as possible.

In what way(s)?

I agree, I HATE those TV shows where the white people sit around and just talk bullshit and OMFG I LOVE Taiwan. Especially that Canadian guy on that GTV show I don't care to remember the name of. Way to fuel their misguided egos about how 'great' this place is.

It'll only fuel Taiwan's stupid perception that all things *white* are great/perfect/OMFGodly awesome/shit's da bomb.....

This chick Barbie keeps calling me (don't know how she got my number) to be on some "Diamond Club" bullshit TV show where you have to tell jokes against their resident jokester, and if you can 'beat' him 10 times in a row (?!), you win NT100k or something. The last time she called me I laid into her really badly about how these shows are demeaning and there's no way in hell I'm going to lose my dignity in a "game show" I have no chance of winning by design, and where I literally will be laughed at out of sheer awkwardness because I will most likely mistranslate western humor. Even after all that, she still found me on Facebook and sent me this:

Respond to her with this:

你好芭比:

我在尋找會講英文的台灣人而不是會講Chinglish的台灣人

這是一個很可愛的要求 希望你可以幫我找到這樣的人
有問題可以跟我聯絡

馬可 09xx_____xx

[Deuce Dropper]

I have been on TV twice here.

I'm taking back those "recommends" that I so flippantly lavished on you before.

Come to think of it, I may even unfriend you on Facebook.

its not like that Jimi, once was many moons ago when a news crew came into an internet cafe (pre-gaming days when they were full of foreigners checking email) and interviewed a few people, the second was when a group I belonged to was invited onto a TV program.


Pigbloodcake, those aren't my comments you quoted...

[TheGingerMan]

local TV is for fucking retards. Do people actually want to watch a bunch of jiudian reject whores stand around with bent hipsters and talk complete nonsense about how everything is 'hao bang ah!' or 'hao ke ai ah!' ??? If people are into that kind of shit they are not my kind of people, and it isn't a cultural thing, these people are fucking simpletons who would probably get off watching paint dry if there was a Hello Kitty decal in the frame.

Local TV doesn't deserve a penny because it is utter trash (though I will give a pass to cooking shows and the news because at least there is something to take from it). How hard is it get five 'pretty' people to stand around and make dumb comments about how everyone looks?

Taiwan is a very nuanced society in many respects and you'd think someone could come up with a drama that is at least thought provoking, or try to make a show that moves away from these BS formulas and into something creative (and Taiwan Tornado isn't cutting it).

The only thing worse than local TV is the lao wai white uncle tom fucktards who think they're special because they appear on these shows from time to time.

BLOW IT UP, BLOW IT UP!!!

Time to start over Taiwan TV industry, you want to earn more money, than actually earn it.

Classic!

[tsukinodeynatsu]

This chick Barbie keeps calling me (don't know how she got my number) to be on some "Diamond Club" bullshit TV show where you have to tell jokes against their resident jokester, and if you can 'beat' him 10 times in a row (?!), you win NT100k or something. The last time she called me I laid into her really badly about how these shows are demeaning and there's no way in hell I'm going to lose my dignity in a "game show" I have no chance of winning by design, and where I literally will be laughed at out of sheer awkwardness because I will most likely mistranslate western humor. Even after all that, she still found me on Facebook and sent me this:

你好馬可

我是鑽石夜總會的芭比
我們在尋找會講中文的外國人或者混血兒

衛冕十次可以得到十萬塊
每週三錄影
這是一個很可愛的單元 希望你可以參加我們的節目
有問題可以跟我聯絡

影片參考
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thZ1CBim_zg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRUJz0Y5 ... onW_B3xjtg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCGxQeSt ... s64ZJHw%3D

芭比 097_____73

Hey, I love Barbie, she's a sweetheart. Easily my favorite person in the TV industry.

Just tell her that you're not interested because you don't like going on TV. She's under a lot of pressure to find someone willing to do it every week and there's only so many foreigners in Taiwan with a good enough level of Chinese, and you're giving her all sorts of complicated answers rather than just a straight 'I'm not interested'. Please don't be rude to her.

For the record (and this is probably what she was trying to explain): How the game works is that you need to win ten times in a row (if you lose, you're out) to win $100,000. They'll give you $1500 every time you go on for 'transport costs'. It's actually not rigged, there have been a few people that won it (but not in the foreigners telling jokes one). You pick your own jokes, if they're not very good they'll help you find some jokes - you get the last say on what you want to tell - you practice delivering them and record it for them, they'll give you tips, etc. and when you're ready they'll set a date to go on. They'll interview you for interesting or funny anecdotes about your life and run you through a 'ruigao' first so that you'll know what the hosts are going to ask and know how to reply. If you're not prepared they won't let you go on, because you making a fool out of yourself is bad for the whole thing.

I've done it (twice, actually, once for a different contest) and while I don't like the whole idea of 'it's special because it's foreigners telling the jokes!' I get the impression that the only person thinking that... is me. The audience seem to like it for the novelty and you don't win if you're 'white' or more 'demaning', you win (or get a good score) by being a confident entertainer and performer. The hosts don't try and demean you in any way and everybody's actually pretty mutually respectful - plus, if you like being on stage, it's a really fun competition because you get to ham it up. The trick to winning ten times (if you're on a streak), I think, is to change your joke type part-way through - the producers will want you to stick to 'what works', but stick to your guns and change up your routine or it will get old.

And in hindsight, I kind of like how it emphasises that 'Hey, foreigners can actually speak Chinese really well.' It's a nice change from 'OMFG A WHITE PERSON CAN MAKE NOISES TOO.'

I've also done one talk show where we were discussing life in Taiwan; it was called something inane like 'beautiful women love taiwan!' but we actually spent a lot of time discussing rather thoughtful questions such as 'why the fuck do people put their kids on scooters without helments?' 'what's with the no personal space issue?' etc. We were all told to think of two questions and ask them on set, and again I didn't feel like any of them were being patronising or demeaning. But Li Jing has terrible Taiwanese.

Having watched Taozi I think she's a little patronising, but I haven't worked with her before so I can't say if that's the truth in person. I've only ever done shows with 台視 and I enjoyed every bit of it, personal dignity intact. And yes, I can dig up the youtubes if you want to look at them and then tell me how I betrayed my race/country/immigrant status blah blah blah.

[mike029]

Tsuki, I respectfully disagree with your whole assessment of how we are portrayed on Taiwanese TV. We are only there to be the spectacle of the moment and nothing else. If you go dig up the show I was on last December which was supposed to be about the election you'll see she kept trying to change the topic to some stupid crap like who looks so handsome or omfg your Chinese is so good. I had three chances to go on my political rants and each and every time she asked me if I have a Taiwanese girlfriend. When she asked a Malaysian girl if she likes Ma because he's more attractive than Tsai, the Malaysian girl got pissy and avoided her question. We just kept talking about stupid crap like 'what do taxis talk to you about'? Well first they tell me my Chinese is feichang biaozhun when all I said is "Ximending", then they start guessing where I'm from and tell me that I don't look American. Then they ask if I have a TW girlfriend, and that I should find one. Then how I shouldn't go to Mainland China because they're evil, and the whole time I just say 嗯嗯嗯 and play on my phone because I can't have that conversation any more.

Last week on 大學生了沒 they literally gave me a script to memorize. I don't even know how to cook that food and explain what it is in English, how am I supposed to memorize all that Chinese in 10 minutes? What was my job? To be the American shuai ge to say that Taipei is so worldly and has GREAT foreign restaurants TAIWAN JIAYOU! Then they get to the Italian food (which looked like a pile of shit, and tasted awful when I tried it after the show) and were raving about it. They had two 'food experts' on who also memorized a script they were given beforehand and the foreigners couldn't get a word in! What the hell were we there for?! I just gave up and stopped trying to talk because there was no point. And I can guarantee my comment about every country in the world being capable of cooking food over fire will be cut. It went this way: 陶子：美國有烤肉嗎？ Mike: 台灣不是唯一的有烤肉的地方，全世界都可以把肉放在火的上面. They told me 2:30PM and we didn't start until 5. I finally got to leave at 8. All that for 500 kuai. Totally not worth it.

And I agree, when they do those stupid sound effects ON SET it is extremely nerve racking.

About being rude to Barbie, I'm sure she's a nice person, I don't personally know her. However, she needs to get the fact that it is demeaning to put us on show like that. I have no problem telling her. I don't want to hear this bullshit like "it's the system, it's not her", because if she's the one finding all these foreigners, she's actively contributing to it. Typical Chinese "my boss told me to do this and so therefore nothing is my responsibility".

The important thing to remember is that the Taiwanese are not laughing with us, they are laughing AT US. They get this ridiculous sense of superiority thinking "oh, look at that crazy foreigner, glad we amazing Taiwanese aren't like that", and they get the feeling like they are getting some genuine cultural exposure when in fact everything is completely controlled by the production team. There's no real cultural exchange going on here! They want us Americans to go on TV and talk about how much we love hamburgers and a Japanese to make cute faces and stupid noises to live up to their unbelievable stereotypes of our home countries they have absolutely no interest in changing. I am absolutely SICK of hearing I don't look American and them insisting I come from India, or Egypt, or Turkey, or Mexico, or whichever arbitrary country they choose, ya know, because the people that can't even identify where Vietnam is on a map are experts in world geography. If they knew ANYTHING about world history they would know that "American" is not an ethnicity, but I guess I'm just expecting too much.

[tsukinodeynatsu]

Well, you know, you could try saying something educating in a Taiwanese way rather than a long-winded American way. Cardinal rule is talk Chinese how you speak English - short and to the point. And take offence at malice, but not ignorance.

And yes, your line will probably be cut because it's not a sound bite, it probably sounded angry And it's a little hard to follow in Chinese. Talking bars are good practice for learning how to correct assumptions with happy comebacks, I'd think, but you'll never steer a conversation on these shows -the hosts are masters at it. You don't have to play the monkey if you don't want to, but you need to learn and work from inside the culture - what I see many frustrated individuals doing here in general is trying to tell everyone they're not an outsider in the least Taiwanese way possible. That's a sure fire way to bang your head against the wall, at least! Being able to really use a language requires an acceptance and an ability o think like native speakers of that language (this is one reason why 100% locals speaking English always sound so stupid; different language shoud equal different thought process!)

Also, be pretty clear with the people doing your preshow interviews about what you will and won't go along with. I refused to tell one joke because it trivialized rape and I remember refusing a few things on the talk show. They'll just come up with another idea. And you got ripped off. 500 is way too little, you should be getting 3000 at least. Diamond Club's an exception because it's a competition.

Honestly, it sounds like that's not a show I'd be interested in either. 大學生了沒 is pretty much the epitome of inane television, i can only ever watch segments of it. I'm not surprised they were asking bout politics in that manner; can you imagine the extent of political knowledge of the average university student here?

But not all shows are like that. Maybe just the ones for CTV? Everything I've done with TTV has been quite professional. And I spend a good deal of time on stage nowadays, so you kind of get a feel for what's going on. Unfortunately in this environment everybody's got that 'ooh, foreigner' curiosity at first, but 99% of the audience are more interested in whether or not you can deliver the goods rather than being enthralled by the 'white monkey'. There are plenty of ways that you can downplay your skin color, just keep focussing on what you're bringing to be table and politely dismiss the rest. Sometimes people will make a big deal of it and you can't control it, but you can try and make sure neither you nor anyone on your team adds to it.

Btw I will be watching that horrible show this week to see if it's as awful as you say

[crystaleye]

Tsuki, I respectfully disagree with your whole assessment of how we are portrayed on Taiwanese TV. We are only there to be the spectacle of the moment and nothing else. If you go dig up the show I was on last December which was supposed to be about the election you'll see she kept trying to change the topic to some stupid crap like who looks so handsome or omfg your Chinese is so good. I had three chances to go on my political rants and each and every time she asked me if I have a Taiwanese girlfriend. When she asked a Malaysian girl if she likes Ma because he's more attractive than Tsai, the Malaysian girl got pissy and avoided her question. We just kept talking about stupid crap like 'what do taxis talk to you about'? Well first they tell me my Chinese is feichang biaozhun when all I said is "Ximending", then they start guessing where I'm from and tell me that I don't look American. Then they ask if I have a TW girlfriend, and that I should find one. Then how I shouldn't go to Mainland China because they're evil, and the whole time I just say 嗯嗯嗯 and play on my phone because I can't have that conversation any more.

Last week on 大學生了沒 they literally gave me a script to memorize. I don't even know how to cook that food and explain what it is in English, how am I supposed to memorize all that Chinese in 10 minutes? What was my job? To be the American shuai ge to say that Taipei is so worldly and has GREAT foreign restaurants TAIWAN JIAYOU! Then they get to the Italian food (which looked like a pile of shit, and tasted awful when I tried it after the show) and were raving about it. They had two 'food experts' on who also memorized a script they were given beforehand and the foreigners couldn't get a word in! What the hell were we there for?! I just gave up and stopped trying to talk because there was no point. And I can guarantee my comment about every country in the world being capable of cooking food over fire will be cut. It went this way: 陶子：美國有烤肉嗎？ Mike: 台灣不是唯一的有烤肉的地方，全世界都可以把肉放在火的上面. They told me 2:30PM and we didn't start until 5. I finally got to leave at 8. All that for 500 kuai. Totally not worth it.

And I agree, when they do those stupid sound effects ON SET it is extremely nerve racking.

About being rude to Barbie, I'm sure she's a nice person, I don't personally know her. However, she needs to get the fact that it is demeaning to put us on show like that. I have no problem telling her. I don't want to hear this bullshit like "it's the system, it's not her", because if she's the one finding all these foreigners, she's actively contributing to it. Typical Chinese "my boss told me to do this and so therefore nothing is my responsibility".

The important thing to remember is that the Taiwanese are not laughing with us, they are laughing AT US. They get this ridiculous sense of superiority thinking "oh, look at that crazy foreigner, glad we amazing Taiwanese aren't like that", and they get the feeling like they are getting some genuine cultural exposure when in fact everything is completely controlled by the production team. There's no real cultural exchange going on here! They want us Americans to go on TV and talk about how much we love hamburgers and a Japanese to make cute faces and stupid noises to live up to their unbelievable stereotypes of our home countries they have absolutely no interest in changing. I am absolutely SICK of hearing I don't look American and them insisting I come from India, or Egypt, or Turkey, or Mexico, or whichever arbitrary country they choose, ya know, because the people that can't even identify where Vietnam is on a map are experts in world geography. If they knew ANYTHING about world history they would know that "American" is not an ethnicity, but I guess I'm just expecting too much.

welcome to the world of the mass media.. i can assure you that there are such idiots running the mass media corporations in every country of the world.. it is amazing how low people can stoop down to just to earn some quick buck and fame..

why do you think the population on the whole of this planet is so brainwashed?..

[shengou]

And I can guarantee my comment about every country in the world being capable of cooking food over fire will be cut. It went this way: 陶子：美國有烤肉嗎？ Mike: 台灣不是唯一的有烤肉的地方，全世界都可以把肉放在火的上面. They told me 2:30PM and we didn't start until 5. I finally got to leave at 8. All that for 500 kuai. Totally not worth it.

You should have just said, 這還用問？ or 廢話. My girlfriend usually gets pissed when I respond like that.

I don't agree with your politics at all, but I wholeheartedly agree with what you are saying about having the foreigners come on the Taiwanese shows. I remember the first time I watched one. I thought, cool, they're interviewing foreigners. I can laugh at their funny accents and feel better about myself for not screwing up my tones. Then I watched a second show with some foreigners on it. I asked my girlfriend, "Hey, why are they asking almost the exact same questions as the other show?" It wasn't long after that I realized that on these shows and in the eyes of the Taiwanese, we're just cute little animals who are incapable of having any serious discussion about Taiwan.

Also, you only got 500 kuai for that?? That's insane.