My wife's thoughts on being married and having children in Taiwan (pt 1)

[divea]

Divea is was a foreigner here who was raising completely foreign kids here, and for just a couple of years. It's not the same thing.

Really? Well make it 7 in the region. 4 years in Beijing and 3 in Taiwan. 2 pregnancies......Iknow something about walking around with a bump and people yelling and pointing at me - Da Dou zi - fat stomach.

Divea, something tells me that you didn't cope as well as you boldly state. The kind of comments that you are making here seem to come from someone that actually had a bloody tough time of it. So why do you try to put others down when they talk about their similar (but not equal, as has been pointed out here) experiences ? A delayed coping mechanism, perhaps.

Regarding your earlier comment, I doubt that Sandman would want to join in your attack on the OP; he's got a little mixed one of his own and will know exactly what the OP means. I am surprised that he hasn't come in for a witty comment though.

Pg Daddy it was hard, who said it was easy?? I was in the mainland, with no language skills 10 years ago....but I picked up th language in 3 months, enough for me to go around and aan and was never rude to people asking stupid questions. Which includes white males, adult white males asking things like 'do your parents own elephants back home'.

There are a zillion reasons to be pissed off and call people unicell organisms, but to laugh it off you would want to be happy. Oh and Sandy? He has a mixed kid whom he refers to half breed openly....he's not gettong pissed about something like THAT and he has no time to focus on quips IRL.

[touduke]

Nothing wrong for my boys to learn how to tell off in a non-aggressive way.

What's your favorite response? I am looking for short.. not too impolite but straight talk kind of response; haven't found one yet .

It depends on the situation. I certainly do not often engage in a conversation the way tommy suggests - a non-sequitur is still a following up on the original question. This leads to more and more.

If we are on a playground and I see how my big one gets irritated, cause he gets the special treatment, or he is the unwanted center of a discussion (excluding him in the process, or he gets starred, pointed or laughed at) I ask him if he wants to go and play with me 10 meters down (in Chinese), or I tell him (again in Chinese - it is important that Mr. or Ms. pain in the neck does understand) that we wait until "these people" go away. I show explicitly that I do not want to communicate to these people. If they do not give up with their "welcome ceremony" or their nasty "foreigner friendliness" I tell them something like 拜託 bai4 tuo1 and give them the "you are hopeless" look. It is not important if they get what I am doing or why. If they would be able to do so, they would not be such a "pain in the neck" in the first place. It is important that they get that I am annoyed though.

I am a very talkative person, I love to chat, and I do it a lot, as much as I possibly can. Please do not read my lines as me having an attitude that dislikes communication with people here. I actually often start a conversation myself. If for example the kids start to play together, if another toddler looks to his mother a tiny bit puzzled in the presents of a non-Chinese looking kid. Then I start to talk to the mother or the father.

[tommy525]

What I kinda fail to understand here is that what happens in taiwan when you are clearly of a different ethnicity is something that is not going to change anytime soon. Its been like that for awhile. And your children are going to get the treatment that half foreign or 100pct foreign kids have gotten for a long long time. And that too isnt going to change for perhaps a generation or two more. Certainly not until you become very old. IF then.


Word of advice. Learn to deal with it or its going to be a much bigger problem then it needs to be. Its a problem there is no doubt. But you either can handle it or you cant. And if you cant, you either learn to or suffer its consequences.

Its not going to change. Change must come from within.

[914]

It makes me a little sick to read through all these posts with so much aggression flying about.

It's unfortunate that there are hardships for being different, but I just don't see how these are serious issues but rather ignorance as other people have mentioned. I too have had a good deal of ignorant questions directed towards me in the United States, it's not just a Taiwan thing it's universal.

That being said, I think the manner in which this is being discussed here in Forumosa seems unhealthy. Maybe I have been visiting these forums too often lately but the more I visit them to read on issues about living in Taiwan, the more paranoid and defensive I get over issues that I probably didn't care much about or things that mattered to me. Perhaps I'm alone when I say this.

[Tomas]

Seth Godin says that fear drives angry, rude, snarky Internet posts. The stronger the fear, the greater the snark, the rudeness, the anger.

I think he's onto something there.

[tommy525]

It makes me a little sick to read through all these posts with so much aggression flying about.

It's unfortunate that there are hardships for being different, but I just don't see how these are serious issues but rather ignorance as other people have mentioned. I too have had a good deal of ignorant questions directed towards me in the United States, it's not just a Taiwan thing it's universal.

That being said, I think the manner in which this is being discussed here in Forumosa seems unhealthy. Maybe I have been visiting these forums too often lately but the more I visit them to read on issues about living in Taiwan, the more paranoid and defensive I get over issues that I probably didn't care much about or things that mattered to me. Perhaps I'm alone when I say this.

I agree with you. I feel that there are some who are much pained by being different in taiwan and having different kids. They are not coping as well as they should.

There is a lot of animosity in this thread there is no doubt.

There is a taiwanese lady who is defensive about having a non taiwanese husband and having half non taiwanese kids (half ethnically).

Theres just a lot of bad blood , pig or otherwise about in this here thread.

[touduke]

tommy525

Word of advice. Learn to deal with it or its going to be a much bigger problem then it needs to be. Its a problem there is no doubt. But you either can handle it or you cant. And if you cant, you either learn to or suffer its consequences.

That is not an advice. "learn how to deal with it" is - again - an maybe unintentional attempt to ridicule people who have problems you don*t seem to have. Good for you!
Look, this board is a place where people communicate things they consider important, which is a important part of "dealing" with these things and problems. Your shout "deal with it" just does not contain anything helpful, it is just a shout.

I think you do not understand what I mean. So let me try to get it to you.
tommy525: I heard you like to come to Taiwan - well a word of advice - just come to Taiwan. This is the only way to be in Taiwan. Just come!

[tommy525]

I grew up in Taiwan , in a time when there were far fewer non taiwanese then there are now. I had to fend for myself. I was called tokpeeah whereever I went. I took it in stride. I didnt like it and sometimes id shut them up in taiwanese and say something like "eh gwah shee taiwan lang neh"

I discovered that although there were a lot of ignoramoses (sp) by and large the attention i got was positive. And i learned to go with it.

I think by and large the attention you are going to receive in taiwan is generally positive and not coming from hatred. They are not shouting insults at you or your half taiwanese kids for the most part. Are there going to be beverly hilbillly taiwanese around? Sure there are, and a bunch of em are pretty 38. But the problems you face as a foreigner or a half foreigner in taiwan is really not that much of a big deal really.

Theres rampant racism in the USA. Just that people have learned to be PC about it. But they do talk about you behind their backs, yessirree they do.

Its not such a biggie is it? IF it is, then you need to go back to the USA or where-ever you feel is a more cosmopolitan place where you dont have to be "different".

Handle it or abandon ship.

p.s. IM preaching tolerance and looking on the bright side. What would you advocate? Fight nasty remarks with nasty remarks, fight ignorance with ignorance? Be mean for those around you are mean? Be aggressive in your response? Attack them as they attack you?

IF you lash out at all the taiwanese around you that cant be "nice" to you in your estimation and do this all the time. Eventually half taiwanese and foreigners in taiwan will become hated. And then it wont be ignoramoses who are asking you silly questions, it will be outright spite. And you can then continue this spitefulness with more of your own.

Where is this going to lead?

Not to your life in taiwan being better.

[Steviebike]

That being said, I think the manner in which this is being discussed here in Forumosa seems unhealthy. Maybe I have been visiting these forums too often lately but the more I visit them to read on issues about living in Taiwan, the more paranoid and defensive I get over issues that I probably didn't care much about or things that mattered to me. Perhaps I'm alone when I say this.

You're not alone. I feel the same way. I like using this site and I try to avoid this stuff, but sooner or later I find myself hitting the reply button. I really think there needs to be more harmony building rather than boundary making.
We all get the same stuff to deal with when out and about in Taiwan. TBH it all depends on how I feel that day. The days I'm tired, pissed off, etc, etc, are the days it bothers me. Fairly obvious, but not enough of that is said here (I would say of recent, but I've not been here long enough). I agree this isn't a Taiwanese only thing. Some would argue that this is a Taiwan living forum, so yea, it's worth talking about and I agree. I think the OP was really good and funny – we should be relating to it and chuckling. Not calling BS on others or whatever.

[steelersman]

It makes me a little sick to read through all these posts with so much aggression flying about.

It's unfortunate that there are hardships for being different, but I just don't see how these are serious issues but rather ignorance as other people have mentioned. I too have had a good deal of ignorant questions directed towards me in the United States, it's not just a Taiwan thing it's universal.

That being said, I think the manner in which this is being discussed here in Forumosa seems unhealthy. Maybe I have been visiting these forums too often lately but the more I visit them to read on issues about living in Taiwan, the more paranoid and defensive I get over issues that I probably didn't care much about or things that mattered to me. Perhaps I'm alone when I say this.

I agree with you. I feel that there are some who are much pained by being different in taiwan and having different kids. They are not coping as well as they should.

There is a lot of animosity in this thread there is no doubt.

There is a taiwanese lady who is defensive about having a non taiwanese husband and having half non taiwanese kids (half ethnically).

Theres just a lot of bad blood , pig or otherwise about in this here thread.

To be honest. If foreigners move here then they will have to deal with these problems. They made the choice to live in a country where they make up only 1 percent of the population. Actually they should fill lucky. In certain parts of the world they might kill you for being a different color or ethnic group. What happens in Taiwan is cupcakes.

In Germany skin heads still beat up foreigners late at night. I know people who personally got beat up. The US has the Ku Klux Klan. In reality Taiwan is a very safe place for foreigners.