Things your students said

[GuyInTaiwan]

This morning, I was reading some graded readers with my ninth grade students. I pointed to a picture of a tiger and a student said "shi.zi". She followed it up with the equally brilliant observation that three giraffes were in fact "ban ma". Ninth grade. Umm...yeah.

It's a good thing we don't have to rely on hunting and gathering for our food anymore.

It's even worse than that. I think you could put the average person from a developed country in a market and they'd starve to death. The average Taiwanese person under 30 would die without 7-Eleven.

[Pop Fly]

Prudence,

[rosarot]

A few years ago, I was teaching at an established school and had 3 new students. The only three. 2 were high school students and 1 mature, about 35. To break the ice I asked the older student if she was married. She replied that she was but did not want to have kids so they were waiting for a better time to start a family. All very innocent and the young high school girls took it in and understood. I next turned to one of the young girls and jokingly asked if she was married, knowing full well that I would get a shocked response because of her obvious age. With bright eyes, she looked at me and proclaimed that she would never get married because she liked girls - not guys. With a look of astonishment, the other girl proclaimed in a much too loud voice that she too liked girls much more than guys and would never be married. The older woman inquired in Chinese about there high school and it turned out that both were from all girls schools. She explained with no embarrassment that she too had gone to Taipei Girls school and their attitude would eventually change. Much too frank a discussion for my intentions.
mmmmmmm. Ok, moving on and time to change the topic but I did note that the 2 young girls were always togheter in all classses thereafter.
I also changed my style of icebreakers for new students.

why is this supposed to be funny? because your students didn't get that it's perfectly okay to discuss heterosexual relationships in class but unacceptable to speak about LGBQT relationships?

[bismarck]

We were doing homophones tonight and one of the combinations was, blew-blue.
Kid (boy) starts off with, "The book is blue."
Nothing staggering, but fair enough.
Then, "I blew someone."
Me: Um...you can't say that.
Kid: Why?
Me: Um...it doesn't make sense (lying through my teeth).

[Dan-Dan]

A student I tutor asked me out of the blue " Teacher you have a cock?" While trying not to laugh I asked if he was trying to say 'clock' and showed him my watch. He looked at it puzzled and said " No. Do you have a cock?" Getting a little worried that I was going to laugh out loud I asked him to if he could draw it. I was startled when what he drew looked like a cock. That was until he drew two circles somewhat too far apart to be the testes. Thinking quickly I asked him "you mean car? Like Transformers?" To which he replies " Yes a corck" I said I didn't and to take a break. Laughed to myself for a good minute before starting the session again with a practice in pronunciation.

[Ducked]

Not sure about this one.

Student writing about "Notting Hill" referred to Hugh Grant as "Huge Gland" all the way through her paragraph.

I don't think this was a deliberate (or original) joke on her part, but she might have read it somewhere, or just mis-heard?

Anyone heard it before?

[2Enigma]

A few years ago at at class with beginners, I was teaching body part. Nothing out of line - head, arm, legs etc when a male student asked what I should have seen coming. "Teacher, what is the difference between vagina and cunt". Sigh! Time for a break. I had a Chinese co-worker take the task on a break. Much easier to explain in Chinese than embarrass everybody in class. He was happy with the explanation but then other student's also wanted an answer. 2d sigh! So many questions and so few acceptable answers.
Another;
teaching a movie class at the same school. Mostly older girls. The converstation in "Friends" was the episode where they are talking about the extra large condoms with the large reservoir end. "Teacher, what does that mean"? Honesty here because they were older, 2 pictures on the board, quickly erased because of windows in the classroom. I got the point across with a couple of red-faced girls that wished they hadn't asked.