Bad jokes thread

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Re: Bad jokes thread

Postby superking » 25 Nov 2011, 14:51

Why are Jewish men circumsized?
Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 20% off.

Doctor to patient: Sir, you have to stop masterbating?
Patient: Why?
Doctor: So I can examine you.

What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. A psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
There are millions of people in the world. And none of those people is an extra. They're all leads in their own stories.

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced. That's why people with no sense of humour have an increased sense of self-importance.
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Re: Bad jokes thread

Postby Isha » 28 Nov 2011, 09:52

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, idiot! BREATHE!
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Re: Bad jokes thread

Postby Super Hans » 28 Nov 2011, 17:18

There were two pieces of vomit walking down the road. As they passed a pub, one of the pieces of vomit started to cry.
"What ever is the matter?" said the one piece of vomit.
"Nothing - it's OK", said the other. "It's just that this is where I was brought up."
The bones got the wrong detail I hoped it would have for you
Safe for a shin bone or even a hand
It's such a lonely ride...
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Re: Bad jokes thread

Postby Nuit » 28 Nov 2011, 22:20

Two guys were out walking through the woods and came across a large, deep, dark hole. One picked up a rock, threw it into the hole and listened. Not a sound.
The other guy found a bigger rock, dragged it to the hole and toppled it in. They listened for some time, but again, nothing.
They both agreed that this must be one deep hole and that maybe they should throw something even bigger into it. They spotted a big log close by, and picking it up, they grunted and heaved it to the hole-side, and rolled it into the depths. They listened intently...... still nothing.

Then all of a sudden, a goat came racing out of the woods, running like the wind. It dashed right past the men and flew straight down the hole. The men were astounded, but then all was silence again. They backed off the way they'd come, and pretty soon ran into an old farmer - who asked the men if they had seen a goat. They told him of the bizarre incident they had just witnessed, and asked the farmer, if, by any chance, this could have been his goat. A magic goat.

The old farmer shook his head slowly: "No, that can't have been my goat ... he was chained to a big log."
It's raining again here. I'm rising up like a beautiful bubble to the surface.

A wicked wind whips up the hill, a handful of hopeful words.
I was what you would call seriously strung out.
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Re: Bad jokes thread

Postby Icon » 19 Dec 2011, 10:36

Uncle Bob remembered my B-day...

• you know your getting old when an all nighter means you didn't get up to go the bathroom
• You know your getting old when going braw less pulls the wrinkles out of your face
• You know your getting old when getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot


Thank you, Uncle Bob. :fume:
"Lo urgente no deja tiempo para lo importante". Mafalda

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Re: Bad jokes thread

Postby Super Hans » 19 Dec 2011, 12:57

Wait until you get to my Grandfather's age!
Actually, it's very sad because he passed away recently. He had an illness, but conventional medicine wasn't working very well, so we took him to one of these alternative medicine clinics. The doctor suggested rubbing lard all over his back.

He went downhill pretty quickly after that.
The bones got the wrong detail I hoped it would have for you
Safe for a shin bone or even a hand
It's such a lonely ride...
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Re: Bad jokes thread

Postby finley » 19 Dec 2011, 13:46

Uncle Bob remembered my B-day...

This year my sister sent me a card with this on it: "You seem a little grouchy. Perhaps it's time for your nap".
And the depressing thing is, it's true.
"Global warming is happening and we KNOW that man is 100 percent responsible!!!"
- Fred Smith
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Re: Bad jokes thread

Postby ChewDawg » 08 Jul 2012, 12:31

What kind of wood doesn't float?

Natalie Wood.
So I got an expresso and a hot burrito!
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Re: Bad jokes thread

Postby superking » 08 Jul 2012, 14:24

Headline in Irish newspaper, "Cork man drowns." Turns out the guys name was Bob.
There are millions of people in the world. And none of those people is an extra. They're all leads in their own stories.

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced. That's why people with no sense of humour have an increased sense of self-importance.
superking
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Re: Bad jokes thread

Postby bismarck » 09 Jul 2012, 00:13

There was a young man from the Cape
Who tried to bully an ape
The ape said, "Don't be a fool. I'll buckle your tool, and kick your arse out of shape."
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Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.
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Second of all, as in all honeymoons, all is well until it is not. It is until the unexpected happens that you will see all grievances surface -ask anyone in any relationship. The girl can chew with her mouth open, that if you love her, you do not care. If you do not lover her, if her pinkie toe is half an inch deviant, the relationship is doomed. - Icon
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