The Internet Tough Guy Thread

[Chaon]

To all you so-called “martial artists” out there: Your respective fighting styles are a bunch of impractical flashy poser stuff. Not like mine, which have been proven on *the streets* time and time again. And speaking of the streets, the streets that you grew up on were like tea and crumpets and Barbie Dolls compared to the streets I grew up on.

To you shooters: Your favorite firearm is crap compared to my favorite firearm. My gun is an exquisite piece of engineering workmanship, made from superior material and better components. Also, my training in this area is unparalleled, whereas everything you were ever taught is wrong. Also, you are a very poor marksman. Mostly because of your crap gun and training, though your inferior genetic legacy certainly plays a part.

Let’s talk about combat knives and knife fighting. No wait, I have a better idea: *I’ll* talk about knives, and all of you will shut up and not say anything. Since everything you know on the subject is wrong and stupid, like your Mom, you’ll just fuck up this otherwise enlightened discussion.

I hope you've all learned a thing or two. Note that I will kick the ass of anyone who disagrees with any of the above. Because I am so tough and all. Unlike you.

[zender]

You candy-coated wimp!

If your martial art was half as lethal as mine, you wouldn't have to carry knives or firearms!

[Chaon]

:noway: You candy-coated wimp! :no-no:

If your martial art was half as lethal as mine, you wouldn't have to carry knives or firearms!

OK, put down Zender's upcoming ass-kicking by my hugely badass self on that Forumosa calendar thingy. And Zender, see if ya' kind find a pair of pants or shorts to wear that day, instead of your usual pink negligee.

[tomthorne]

If you feel the need to talk about it, you probably ain't got it. Not that having 'it' is particularly important.

[Chaon]

If you feel the need to talk about it, you probably ain't got it. Not that having 'it' is particularly important.

You are the worst Internet Tough Guy ever.

[tomthorne]

If you feel the need to talk about it, you probably ain't got it. Not that having 'it' is particularly important.

You are the worst Internet Tough Guy ever.

But obviously I've got it. I eat nails. And I have a very big gun. OK, it's a bb gun but it looks real.

[the chief]

You guys better watch it.
One time in the AsiaWorld supermarket, I seen zender square off with this dude over the last quart of Maple Nut Ripple ice cream.
zender hit him once and the guy crapped himself.
zender hit him again and the guy's head popped off like a champagne cork and landed in the instant noodles aisle.

And they never even made zender clean it up.

This was a few years back, when you could get away with that kind of shit.

[Chaon]

zender hit him once and the guy crapped himself.
zender hit him again and the guy's head popped off like a champagne cork and landed in the instant noodles aisle.

Whoa. That *is* pretty tough. What sound did the head make when it landed?

[Chaon]

If you feel the need to talk about it, you probably ain't got it. Not that having 'it' is particularly important.

You are the worst Internet Tough Guy ever.

But obviously I've got it. I eat nails. And I have a very big gun. OK, it's a bb gun but it looks real.

I've got more of it. I eat railroad spikes. And my gun is so big, that I can't actually afford to shoot it because the ammo is so expensive.

[the chief]

zender hit him once and the guy crapped himself.
zender hit him again and the guy's head popped off like a champagne cork and landed in the instant noodles aisle.

Whoa. That *is* pretty tough. What sound did the head make when it landed?

Kind of like when my wife raps her knuckles on a watermelon to check its quality, but a little wetter.