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No longer a Free Download: Not SARS Just Sex! The Novel

This is the place for discussion of films, books, movies and TV shows, etc. A & E topics related to Taiwan or China should be posted in the Culture & History Forum.

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The intoduction to The Oil Sands of Alberta by Gits Ferrari

Postby Gits Ferrari » 25 Dec 2009, 04:34

The introduction to the story is here:

In 2008, Bernie Madoff taught the world the meaning of Ponzi Scheme: “I never invested the funds in securities as promised,” he told a courtroom packed with victims and media.
Where did he go wrong? Madoff said that during the U.S. recession in the early 1990s, he was “compelled’” to provide the returns that he promised investors.
He should have listened to Herbert Bayard Swope. Then the vicious cycle of paying dividends and redemptions to existing investors using the money from newer investors may have never begun.
Perhaps he tried it before and got away with it. But this time, maybe starting five or more years ago, he gambled and lost, and the company’s financial situation slippery-sloped into an impossible equation. After three decades of maintaining a reputation as a guru stock picker, consistently delivering returns through bull and bear markets both, he is now known as the mastermind of the worlds largest Ponzi scheme in history, totaling $65 billion, and worse over, is now the modern day mascot for investor distrust around the world.
I feel sorry for him. Only four months after confessing to relatives that, “Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC, was one big lie,” he’s sitting in a jail cell gnawing on a hundred and fifty year sentence. His sons turned him in and they aren’t even accused of any wrongdoing.
I don’t think he deserves it. Does this seem wrong to you? Hey, the SEC is also to blame for this mess. The whole monetary system is to blame for this. Madoff was the fall guy for a problem a lot bigger than himself.
As James Cromwell, in his portrayal of the 74th United States Treasury Secretary, Henry Paulsen, said in the 2009 TV movie, The Last Days of Lehman Brothers:
“The west is fucked. We fucked it up. Not just you or me. All of us. The west is done. It’s over. You wanna call it a game? This is the game. You want your grandchildren speaking Chinese? We had Rome. We had Europe. And now this: Us. This thing with cars and stereos and hula hoops, we ran through it all.”
In 2005, I learned the meaning of the term Ponzi scheme while working in Asia. If you want to do it right, you choose a 50+ year old handsome white male model and take photographs of him in all sorts of business and leisure positions and outfits. You tell the guy it’s for stock inventory shots. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Get pictures of him sitting at desks with hot female executives, holding his glasses and pointing at graphs. Giving presentations with expressions of mightyness on his face. What goes on the presentation screen can be added later digitally. You get shots of him on vacation, golfing and with family and kids. You can take your model over to the wax museum and get shots with all sorts of famous celebrities, or just photoshop images of them with your new fund king. Take hundreds of shots, because you could be needing them for a few years.
You might be thinking that this wouldn’t fool any Americans. Well you don’t have to fool people in America. They are in debt anyways. It’s the new money holders of Asia that this guy has to charm.
You give the guy an identity, choosing his name and nationality carefully. You register him a company and give it a cool name. You spend a little time creating an image for this guy. Give him a spectrum of businesses that he owns or runs. He needs to have a reputation for managing hundreds of millions of dollars in assets. He’s got to have connections with money too and the perception of a consistently profitable business. The perception of an array of successful businesses. A room full of operators on computers can help. The perception that he has multiple streams of income.
Oh, and then there’s that investment portfolio he’s got. His hedge fund is paying like 12 % per year. You practically have to beg him to take your money. It isn’t registered or listed with any securities exchange commission, but that way he can legally privately offer shares to investors in an offshore location, “not available to US residents”. It’s not obvious that it isn’t monitored by any government agency. It’s a private bidness offering. You know… Bidness!
In a country with plenty of new money investors and not a lot of government regulation, the investment opportunity is neatly packaged and given to local investment agents, and while the information isn’t placed in the brochure rack in the cool red and white waiting room due to lack of any approval by the investment agency, the customer gets what the customer wants, and when the customer complains to the agent that the interest rates in mainstream investment products offered by financial institutions in this country are too low, the highly motivated agent shows him this one “opportunity”.
The agent reminds the investor that he would be breaking local laws to invest more than a certain amount of his total net worth abroad, but on that note, the agent will mention that there happens to be one company offering returns of 12% or more per year.
There’s a bank logo on the brochure. It doesn’t mention anything about who the fund manager is. We assume that it’s the guy in the photo, the boss, who is the man calling the shots. He can get a better return than banks because he invests in the little guy when the timing is right. Arbitrage and shit. We don’t even want to know how he makes his money.
To make the deal seem even creamier, according to the full color printed brochure, your money is 100% protected. One of this guy’s rich buddies is offering a capital guarantee, so just in case everything falls apart, the investors still get their money back. His friend’s company logo is on the brochure.
Sure, it isn’t unheard of for a company to get a return of 1% per month. What they don’t tell you is that they need to pay those agents a commission percentage, and then of course there are administration fees and managerial fees from all these derivative based institutions.
And then of course there’s the money deducted to line the coat pockets of the real bosses with some cool extra spending cash. But hey, there is no up front initial investment fee. That’s what make’s it so marketable.
Too many investors create an illogical investment scenario in their head and think that, because they thought it up, that it should exist. Then suddenly after doing a little research, these dream investment products suddenly produce themselves.
For the true schemer, creating real investment products is too much trouble. Real fund managers are too expensive to hire. It’s easier just to fake it when you are planning on running away with the money anyway. That is when you pull out the distracting new unseen pictures of the mighty model, just before you get on a plane to one of those unextraditing countries.
It’s really not that hard to create a boiler-room stock scheme that can quickly bank a million dollars. In 2005, I began working for “an old Hongkonger Conman." He was one of the nicest guys you could know.
Just before I returned to Taiwan from the states where this book begins, my most recent attempt at a US career backfired two weeks into the gig, and I went on unemployment. Those unemployment checks paid for my new passport and my ticket back to Taiwan.
I was really close to broke. I had maybe 1000 usd, so when I was offered the job withing 10 days of arriving, I took it. I went for it because I had spent too much time hanging on melancholy notes. Too many flat chords do not a symphony make.

Gits Ferrari, California 2009

Mr He wrote:I bought your book and read it - note that IO have in the past read ind enjoyed Eric Mader-Lin's Taipei mutt and other books about Taiwan by foreigners. Upon seeing this free giveaway, I have decided not to buy another book from you again, after all if i wait a few months, I might be able to download it for free.

Mr. He,

You haven't yet acknowledged my statement that there is a difference between a PDF file and an actually printed and color-bound book. Especially the version you have which is an atrocious edit, yet still a valuable collectors item due to the fact that it's the first run. A hundred years from now, it could be worth a bundle, but as Huey Lewis says, it won't matter to any of us here.

I made a free e-copy and mentioned it exclusively on Forumosa, however my intention was only to build up anticipation for the sequel TOSA, which is the real reason I started writing to begin with, and will never be made available (by me) free.

I hope y'all can take a look at the cover of the book:
Gits Ferrari's Latest Blog: Horny Guy in Taipei

Not SARS Just Sex! - The Kindle Edition! $5.99 ... s+just+sex

The Oil Sands of Alberta - The Kindle Edition! $5.99 ... of+alberta
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Joined: 19 Mar 2008, 16:53

Re: Now a Free Download: Not SARS Just Sex! The Novel

Postby Screaming Jesus » 25 Dec 2009, 09:10

Hey Ferrari, are you back in Taiwan now, or what?

Is part 2 on sale locally?
Screaming Jesus
Overpaid Foreign Athlete (duō fù xīn shuǐ guò gāo de wài jí yùn dòng yuán)
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Posts: 3522
Joined: 06 Mar 2003, 13:39

Sequel to NSJS : The Oil Sands of Alberta NOW AVAILABLE AT A

Postby Gits Ferrari » 28 Mar 2010, 15:24

Early Bird Message:

The sequel to Not SARS Just Sex! : The Oil Sands of Alberta

Alleycats Pizza #1 (Lishui Street)

This book only available in print.
There will be no free download.
Management at AC1 said they'd
give a free glass of Hoegaarden
beer with the purchase of the paperback.

Once I get full details , I'll make a formal post!
Gits Ferrari's Latest Blog: Horny Guy in Taipei

Not SARS Just Sex! - The Kindle Edition! $5.99 ... s+just+sex

The Oil Sands of Alberta - The Kindle Edition! $5.99 ... of+alberta
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Gits Ferrari
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Posts: 73
Joined: 19 Mar 2008, 16:53

Re: Now a Free Download: Not SARS Just Sex! The Novel

Postby stig » 22 Feb 2011, 02:29

sandman wrote:I couldn't help thinking it was completely made-up, though -- its just way too apocryphal to be real.

reality is apocryphal
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Re: Now a Free Download: Not SARS Just Sex! The Novel

Postby Gits Ferrari » 21 Jun 2012, 11:34

Hey guys!

Due to popular demand, I'm almost finished with the third
installment of the Gits Ferrari trilogy, which focuses on
LEAVING the USA, working , living, and DATING in Asia.

My current books are listed below, and both available at or

Not SARS Just SEX! - A Novel about Life in Taipei during SARS


The Oil Sands of Alberta - The sequel to Not SARS Just Sex!

both by me, Gits Ferrari

Follow a US expatriate living in downtown
Taipei during the breakout of the SARS virus.
From 2001 to 2003, our protagonist goes from
hero to zero in this line up of bad luck and
crazy times enjoying the night life of Taiwan.

A true story of a modern day pioneer
following his dream, who gets sideswiped
but not stopped by reality in Asia.

Gits Ferrari takes a Gonzo approach telling
his unique story about life in Taiwan.

Land of wicked ass. Formosa.

The sequel:

Continue the adventure with a US expatriate
as he avoids working as a teacher by joining
an investment company in Taipei and later
becoming the CEO of an energy company in
Canada. While doing so, he gets caught up
with the most scandalous group of businessmen
he has ever encountered.

He ends up making the easiest decision of his life.


Spastic Entitlement

by Gits Ferrari


As humanity basked in the alpenglow of the event horizon that marked
the end of civilization as we knew it, Gits Ferrari spent most of his
time delving in muck-pits of obsessive compulsive narcissistic

As his home nation the USA participated simultaneously in three wars
in order to increase the cost of energy, and as the worlds fastest
growing demander of energy, China, inched past Japan into the #2
global economic position, Gits used 45% of actual brain capacity to
enlighten himself that life would never be the same again.

He closed his eyes and floated silently through the crisp autumn air
over the dark city, looking down at the ants in the streets. Then
Gits used the other 55% of his brain to ignore any plan for the rest
of his life.

Wouldn't the year 2012's world destruction, rapture, or just plain

death stop Gits from spending every last New Taiwan Dollar he'd
possess before he ceased to exist altogether anyway?

Suddenly, none of that mattered.

© 2011 White Monkey LLC

Read Gits Ferrari's third novelic installment: Spastic Entitlement
Gits Ferrari's Latest Blog: Horny Guy in Taipei

Not SARS Just Sex! - The Kindle Edition! $5.99 ... s+just+sex

The Oil Sands of Alberta - The Kindle Edition! $5.99 ... of+alberta
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Gits Ferrari
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Re: Now a Free Download: Not SARS Just Sex! The Novel

Postby Gits Ferrari » 16 Jun 2013, 14:20

Preview: Gits Ferrari's New Blog: Horny guy in Taipei
Gits Ferrari's New Blog:

Sample post:

Horny Guy in Taipei

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Um, you can't do that in here.

I took an “I Speak English” taxi to Tianmu to meet Henry for dinner at Alleycats and had three pints of cider. He told me about a chick in Kending he met camping. Then he’s like, “By the way, our friend Gungho ate a chick out on the bar at Carnegies.

I got back to Taiplex in time to listen to the sticky shrill of the violin being practiced from the 2nd floor, and called Zag to confirm the story about Gungho. Henry, Zag and Derick were all there to witness it. Zag told me, “One minute there’s this hotty in a tight white dress and like most people, Derick and I are looking at her because she’s ridiculously hot and you can see her nipples pressing through and she’s dancing on the bar sexy and keeps going down onto her honkers (like squatting), right in the middle of the bar. She comes down and basically sits right down and shows everyone she has no knickers on and is perfectly shaven, then stands up again. So she keeps doing this and looking at people seductively and Gungho, who is standing near her, stands directly below looking up at her. She looks at Gungho as she goes from squatting to standing and running her hands all over herself. Next time she did it Gungho was very close and got right down and tucked his face right in there. This time she doesn’t go back up again and starts properly enjoying it and he sorta readjusts his head for a better angle. She finally fell to her butt and wrapped her legs around his head.

At this point everyone is staring, wondering “What the f**k?”. Even the music stopped. It was a deathly silent moment. I was gobsmacked and all heads were in that direction. After a while I started to look at peoples expressions just because I have an odd voyeur obsession with Carnegies and I could see the DJ, well confused, looking at me but only because I was in the way of his view of what was happening. Then behind Gungho, I could see Liam, the bouncer, walking slowly up with a sort of wry smile on his face, mixed with a chuckle. He slowly goes up and leans over and has a word in Gungho’s ear. I was right there, so I heard something like ‘You cant really do that in here.’ but he was semi laughing. Then all of a sudden Gungho just pulls his head away and turns away with a Cheshire grin like the clever cat that got the cream. She climbs off the bar a bit embarrassed and shocked and runs straight up to the DJ, her soon to be ex "boyfriend" by the looks of things, and hugs him.”

Gungho became a legend after that. There was even a short-lived foreigner band called “Gungho” touring Taipei after that.

I got a little sex crazed from his story and walked out of there with a boner, laser eye-balling every female on the MRT train. No chick dare take on my stare. It had been a while for me, and I just wanted to have sex with any female.

At that point, I would have f***ed Monica’s boss Cat. I didn’t love her, but I’d say anything just to get down her pants. Primal urges had removed any earlier form of gentlemanship. I was stalking the streets with a new hunger, looking in every window. There was potential everywhere.

My groove was broken when I went to the wrong 7-11 and experienced reverse discrimination. I was getting frustrated trying to communicate with the guy about how much I had to spend to get another free Hello Kitty magnet, and he’s pulling this “I’m not sure, next customer!” and there’s this line behind me. Finally I had to start banging on the counter to get his attention. “I’m next. I’m the next customer!” I screamed, then I continued pounding my hand on the counter. It’s time to leave Taiwan when you find yourself throwing fits in 7-11s for Hello Kitty giveaways. I’ve seen people whining for less though. Just remember if they have the offer again that purchasing a 1.75 liter bottle of Absolute Vodka and a pint of Häagen-Dazs Rocky Road equals ten Hello Kitty Magnets.
Gits Ferrari's Latest Blog: Horny Guy in Taipei

Not SARS Just Sex! - The Kindle Edition! $5.99 ... s+just+sex

The Oil Sands of Alberta - The Kindle Edition! $5.99 ... of+alberta
User avatar
Gits Ferrari
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Posts: 73
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