Taiwanese parents hate me

[JoLoves07]

I'm a Korean girl dating a Taiwanese guy for 3 years. His parents only met me once and they have decided that they do not like me because I'm not Taiwanese! They are very mean to me. THey do not want to meet me or want anything to do with me. THey don't even know me! My boyfriend and I have struggled with this...we were planning to get married in 2 years but it's been very stressful. And now he's not sure what he wants to do...he feels it wont work out in the future because of all the difficult situations. He doesn't live at home so it's hard for me to see his parents or even try to get to know them! I've tried everything! I buy them gifts on holidays and you know what they do?! THey accept it...eat the cakes, drink the teas...and then they're rude about me! They haven't been rude necessarily to my face except a nasty note they left on my car!! But other than that they just talk about me and recently they didn't show up to a huge family event JUST because I went!
Please help me! I need some advice and suggestions! How do I get them to know me? WHat do I do? Or do I just give up? Are Taiwanese parents this mean usually? And stubborn?
My friends have all been with Taiwanese guys and not 1 of them have had a problem! I feel so unlucky to have met a family who is narrow-minded and ridiculous!

Help!

[formosaobama]

Looks like you feel in love with a guy from one of those traditional families and the day is coming when your bf will have to make a difficult choice.

Any chance you two can move to another country, where his family's influence wouldn't be so oppressive?

And, no, you're probably not going to win them over. Maybe if they suddenly find out your family owns Samsung or LG...

[finley]

Are Taiwanese parents this mean usually? And stubborn?

Yes. Taiwanese parents hate everyone. I heard about one parent who disapproved of a guy their daughter liked because "his eyes were too big and too far apart".

I think this basically boils down to the issue of respect for elders. In most countries, respect must be earned. Here, you can just wait 30 years, and hey presto, you've got a whole load of young people kowtowing to you, even if you're still the same uneducated, opinionated, self-centred brat that you were when you were a teenager.

There are really only three possible solutions: your BF tells his parents to stop acting like spoiled three-year-olds, you move elsewhere and avoid all contact with them, or you break up. Personally, I would be inclined to turn up uninvited at some family gathering, give them all an extended lecture on what a bunch of backward, selfish old farts they were, and then walk away from it all. Obviously, that's not easy to do when you're emotionally invested.

btw, I suggest you don't send them gifts until they grow up. If they refuse to show you respect, creeping around them will just make things worse. You can't win people over that way.

[tommy525]

hang in there, they will come around. Its quite typical and you dont even have to be non taiwanese to get that treatment. GIve them a baby and all will change

[Amasashi]

There's always some work to be done in winning over the in-laws, but some Taiwanese parents just expect you to always be their little b*tch. They string you along with the faint possibility of them liking you one day, but in their hearts they know it will never happen. Taiwanese soap operas, while sickeningly over-dramatic, love to emphasize the mother abusing her daughter-in-law theme for a reason.

Right now, it comes down to your boyfriend and whether or not he's willing to stand up for you or to just tell you to tolerate his parents' crap more and keep trying to win them over. If the former, great; if the latter, you're in for a lifetime of unhappiness and should seriously consider ending the relationship. That's really all there is to it.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you that things will get better and to just rough it out a bit longer. That's like a drug addict telling you he's going to quit tomorrow and to just give him some more time. Never happens.

In my experience, the best course of action is for your boyfriend to explain firmly to his parents that he loves you, that he's going to marry you soon, and that the least they can do is act civil to his wife. In the meantime, you need to stop trying to please them because they'll sense your desperation and just abuse that to no end. Perform the normal social courtesies and such, but nothing more until you receive something in return. Let his parents save face by not showing open hostility even if things turn bad and let your boyfriend do all the hard work. They are his parents, after all, and it'll be much easier for them to admit they were wrong to their own son than to you, an outsider.

If he can't do that, well, I think a woman should be with a man who'll stand up for her, whether it's a stranger on the street or his parents at home.

Best of luck!

[tommy525]

If your man is man enough you can marry him. If he loves you he will handle it. Them not liking is great in many ways. You do not get dragged to all kinds of family events that you may not want to attend. And your husband may not want to attend either.

My sister objected to her son marrying someone who was divorced and had a child (very unreasonable of her I believe). But he did it anyway and they have come around to accept that. It took several years. She has provided them with a lot of financial support. But she refused to throw a big wedding for them. Which was a big loss as you know how weddings make money.

But years later, the couple are still together. She never attends any family events and she couldnt care less. Shes taiwanese as well.

So it can work. The main thing is how much do you love each other. If you do? Dont let any get in the way !!

[zender]

Don't waste any more money on mangoes at 49NT/jin. Your problem is easily fixed.

Boyfriend: Mom, Dad, can we talk? I think I might be gay. Ya see, the only woman I feel sexually attracted to is JoLoves07, and . . .

Mom and Dad: Why don't you marry her?! Move quickly, Son! Don't let our cherished JoLoves07 get away! Let me tell you, I have always liked JoLoves07. You will find no finer woman than her. Stop looking! Grab her!

[JoLoves07]

Thank you so much for all the advice! Any suggestions on how to remotely get to know these people? I have a difficult time accepting that it's such a ridiculous reason! If they meet me and they didn't like me for my personality or something then ok...so be it! But I can't change my race? I was even considering taking up Chinese classes! The sad thing is that I love him so much I'm having a hard time letting it go.
Maybe I'll figure it out soon...but it's good to hear that it's not completely abnormal and that some traditional taiwanese parents are loonie toonies!
It's hard to express my anger and frustration towards my bf because it's his parents and I don't want to talk negative about them. So, it's nice to be able to discuss it with all of you guys!

[Tomas]

Your future husband needs to give them a polite ultimatum.

My in-laws love me, but if they didn't, my wife would rip them new assholes.

[tommy525]

Thank you so much for all the advice! Any suggestions on how to remotely get to know these people? I have a difficult time accepting that it's such a ridiculous reason! If they meet me and they didn't like me for my personality or something then ok...so be it! But I can't change my race? I was even considering taking up Chinese classes! The sad thing is that I love him so much I'm having a hard time letting it go.
Maybe I'll figure it out soon...but it's good to hear that it's not completely abnormal and that some traditional taiwanese parents are loonie toonies!
It's hard to express my anger and frustration towards my bf because it's his parents and I don't want to talk negative about them. So, it's nice to be able to discuss it with all of you guys!

dont worry bout the family . Thats the reason a LOT of taiwanese ladies keep their BF secret from their families until they are ready to marry. IF you love each other, full speeed ahead ! Dam the torpedoes.