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Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

A non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues

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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby tommy525 » 29 Jul 2016, 00:12

You might want to learn good ice breaker techniques. And be a proactive go-getter.

Taiwan is far easier to connect with someone at a cafe than it is in the bay area. And forget about the gyms here. People generally do not talk to each other unless they came together. They put on their headphones and get on with their workout routine.

And most cafes most people are using their headphones and engrossed in their ipads and what not so its hard to find a cafe where people actually talk to each other.

I gave up years ago. And started getting into chat rooms and meeting people there. Some of which became real life friends. Including my wife.

I found that in Taiwan you COULD , with some effort meet someone in a cafe and hit up a conversation which could lead to .....and.....and ..... who knows.

SO I am at my fav cafe on a day off. Wifey off with her buds and I am waiting for a couple friends of mine to come over and hang out. This was a rare cafe without wifi so people actually conversed with people that they came with. But not usually with strangers.

It was hot. And perfect to sit outside as I often do (whenever possible). The cafe is frequently by young lesbians mostly . And that is ok. There are a lot of oldsters too. Its an expensive neighborhood housing wise, but in a college town (Berkeley) so there are lots of younger sorts as well.

I got to a table just as the guy in the table next to me hit up a conversation with the lady in the next table across from me. Close proximity here. Tables are only 2 feet away from each other. No good to try to talk to somebody at a table ten feet away. So proximity is important here.

So I missed his opening ice breaking line . They were already engrossed in a conversation about the lack of friendliness in the bay area. Him: 50s white guy. Her: early 30s black girl. He said something about other places in America being friendlier then the Bay Area generally. And..followed by a quick insertion of a question. "Where are you from?"
" Oh, Ethiopia? "
"I met a few people from Ethiopia, i detected a trace of an Ethiopian accent there"
"What do you do"
"Oh a nurse, noble profession"

He was very smooth. He inserted a personal question here and there while talking about "innocent" non intrusive topics. LIke housing prices in the bay area versus other places like Oregon, when would be the best time to buy a house . Other topics like that . He carefully found a few times where he could praise her.

"oh you must be very accomplished to come to America to be a nurse"
"you have a head on your shoulders , I can tell"

And gave advice to as to show he "cares".
"you could move to OREGON and get the same job and same pay and buy a house"
"yeah you are right, maybe not, and you would be in OREGON"

etc and et al. I can't help listening in as I am only a few feet away.

The praise worked, it got her to open up some more . I was able to tune away often so I missed a lot of other stuff. But basically he came across as a genuine person who knew a lot about things and was just sharing his thoughts. Said he was a personal advisor. Advises those with money to keep their money and make more. I.e. a person people trusted . Establishes TRUST.

So he quickly established not only TRUST and KNOWLEGE and EXPERIENCE but was fast to PRAISE her.

Now who can resist PRAISE . :)

So, it didn't take long for him to move from his table to HER table. It was by that time a "sensible" thing to do, so as not to have to "shout" across 2 feet.

My friends arrived by that time so I was able to stop listening to them.

I would think that from that point he would be able to exchange an email or tel number or what not. And they could go on a date, if they so chose.

The point here is. He didn't just sit there and look at her and wonder about having a relationship with her (get in her pants). She may not have even been looking at him at all. He saw an opportunity and moved right in. Careful to not thread on any toes, careful about what topics he brought up. CAreful to present a good image of himself and praised her every chance he got. Without being too personal like
"oh nice dress you have there ?" Which would have sexual implications. He praised her THINKING and her ACCOMPLISHMENTS. Not her physical attributes. Therefore not giving off any PERV vibes ! Because here in the Bay Area especially. If you look at a girl 3 times you are a PERV, if you never look at her, you are GAY. So its a tough game to play here with American girls especially.

He was lucky she was NOT American. Him being 50s and her 30ish may not work with a regular American girl. Who will have her BS filters up super fast too.

But a girl from Ethiopia sitting alone in a cafe (and she was not bad looking too, not my style but his definitely) was a possible !

So he was like a hunter killer submarine and identified a soft target and moved right in turned on the CHARM button to MAX.

Works ! No doubt been successful with other Ethiopian girls before and this was just a walk in the park just using his play book. He had quickly established he knew something about Ethiopia and got her to talk about her country, early on in their convo. Now someone who is far away from home would be open to talking about HOME. BReaks off HUGE chunks of ice with this line.
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby headhonchoII » 29 Jul 2016, 20:19

Tommy you are a funny fella sometimes and a good observer.

Still Taiwan has changed A LOT too and not for the better in some
Ways.
I never see randomers talking to each other in coffeeshops here and most young people are painfully shy at least to try and interact with strangers. In the big city most conversations are rote response with the service people and FEW have the time or inclination or now the skills to have a regular conversation with you.

Yes I am one of the people with my nose jammed in a smartphone too unfortunately.
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby tommy525 » 29 Jul 2016, 20:58

I donno. Last on the rock was 2012 for me. Spent a week there. The girls? Oh Lordy, one came along every five minutes that was HOTTER then the one who was the best looking five minutes ago.

I tried talking to miss late-teens-early-twenties-with-the-hot-legs-in-hot-pants on the Muzha line sitting next to me and got a response that froze me in my place like a death ray. But the 30 something ladies selling stuff at the night market clearly were interested in me and kept me at their stalls yakking about all sorts of stuff. And the 30 something lady i sat next to on the train from Taoyuan that I asked a simple question of (i wasn't trying to pick her up, just had a genuine question if I could switch to the HSR at the Banqiao station) was clearly interested in talking and conversing.

So if I was living there, I would feel like I had a chance (as long as they were not much younger then 30).

Over here, you have to be a real "smooth operator" to gain traction. But there are some real "pros" out here.

I guess most of the gaming happens at the bars. And if you are a hot , 20 something guy or even a hot young 30s guy you could score.

A friend of mine, who is actually a wolf-in-wolf's clothing doesn't do so well on the scoring front. Even though he has a Ferrari and a nice home and talks about those things the second he meets a girl.

He could do well to disguise his wolfiness with some sheep's clothing.

He sees someone at the bar, and goes straight into "that is VERY nice dress you are wearing"
"I have a hot tub at home, you want to come and bring some friends" . Doesn't work that well.
Well so far as I know anyways.
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Joined: 14 Sep 2006, 17:25
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby Il Ðoge » 29 Jul 2016, 21:47

I've had more girlfriends than I care to admit and not one of them went out with me on my first try/request. Lots of western men don't seem to understand how it works.
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