Love comes in the strangest ways

[zed]

This and Hartzell's post are the best two posts in this thread, IMO. Especially since you are a foreigner, and she is still married with a kid. Find a nice single girl. I can't believe people are telling you to keep going, seriously??. Don't be a 男小三!!

I wholeheartedly second the motion.
(I stopped being a visitor to Forumosa and joined up just to say so.)

Seriously, how far is the relationship going to progress when you've only got a vocabulary of a few hundred words to communicate with?
You will soon run out of things to talk about.
Then you'll be even more lonely, because you'll be stuck in the relationship and unable find someone else that you can really talk to in your own language.

As Annie Proulx said in The Shipping News, "love comes in other colors than the basic black of none and the red heat of obsession".

BTW, I'm all in favor of relationships between people of the same age bracket.
You said it's hard to find a single woman your age.
Keep looking.
Smart, well-educated, English-speaking, good looking (and, might I add, single) women in their 30s and 40s are out there.
When you eventually hook up with one you will wonder what the hell you were thinking dating a married Vietnamese woman.

Do not go any further with this relationship.

Been there, done that.

[tommy525]

welcome zed, another writer finally jumps off the sidelines and into the fray !

[wonder]

Just letting all you Forumosans know that I am keeping up with your posts. Most of them are interesting and some are very constructive. But when you are lonely and the love bug bites you, thinking that far ahead is not the first thing you usually do.

However, there is one thing that I am hoping to do and that is ask her when and if she plans to get a divorce. If there are no concrete plans, then I may be forced to end things now rather than down the road when it might be very difficult, or we're both in jail or been heavily fined for adultery. I am pretty sure she is aware of the laws here in Taiwan because she insists on total secrecy regarding our relationship.

And that is what is really bothering me the most...the secrecy and cloak and dagger behavior. I've never been with a woman with whom I can't be seen in public. And she is certainly a girl you would like to be seen with. So that is frustrating, you know, not being able to go out for dinner or drinks or enjoy a daytrip.

I know this is not perfect world and I should be thankful to have met someone. And as one of the posters said, there may indeed be nice, educated single women out there in my age bracket just waiting for a fella to come along but who's to say they don't also have baggage? And would there be the same chemistry I share with my gal from Vietnam?

So I am not ready to put an end to this quite yet, but I certainly will be watching out for my best interests, as she is doing for herself and her child.

Don't call me cold hearted, just say I am wise and experienced.

[DazedNConfuzed]

However, there is one thing that I am hoping to do and that is ask her when and if she plans to get a divorce. If there are no concrete plans, then I may be forced to end things now rather than down the road when it might be very difficult, or we're both in jail or been heavily fined for adultery. I am pretty sure she is aware of the laws here in Taiwan because she insists on total secrecy regarding our relationship.

And that is what is really bothering me the most...the secrecy and cloak and dagger behavior. I've never been with a woman with whom I can't be seen in public. And she is certainly a girl you would like to be seen with. So that is frustrating, you know, not being able to go out for dinner or drinks or enjoy a daytrip.

I know this is not perfect world and I should be thankful to have met someone. And as one of the posters said, there may indeed be nice, educated single women out there in my age bracket just waiting for a fella to come along but who's to say they don't also have baggage? And would there be the same chemistry I share with my gal from Vietnam?

So I am not ready to put an end to this quite yet, but I certainly will be watching out for my best interests, as she is doing for herself and her child.

Don't call me cold hearted, just say I am wise and experienced.

I got news to tell you Mr. "I am wise and experienced." If she does not want to be seen with you in public it means she is having an affair. How do you really know she is separated? She probably can't go out for dinner and drink because she is still living with her husband and child. And I don't see how someone who can barely speak Chinese can fall in love with someone who can barely speak English, lust maybe but not love. You sound like a nice but lonely guy. Don't do something you will regret later just because you are lonely now. All in all, its your own choice, though, but I would consider to listening to some of the others here who have been in a similar situations.

[housecat]

Just letting all you Forumosans know that I am keeping up with your posts. Most of them are interesting and some are very constructive. But when you are lonely and the love bug bites you, thinking that far ahead is not the first thing you usually do.

However, there is one thing that I am hoping to do and that is ask her when and if she plans to get a divorce. If there are no concrete plans, then I may be forced to end things now rather than down the road when it might be very difficult, or we're both in jail or been heavily fined for adultery. I am pretty sure she is aware of the laws here in Taiwan because she insists on total secrecy regarding our relationship.

And that is what is really bothering me the most...the secrecy and cloak and dagger behavior. I've never been with a woman with whom I can't be seen in public. And she is certainly a girl you would like to be seen with. So that is frustrating, you know, not being able to go out for dinner or drinks or enjoy a daytrip.

I know this is not perfect world and I should be thankful to have met someone. And as one of the posters said, there may indeed be nice, educated single women out there in my age bracket just waiting for a fella to come along but who's to say they don't also have baggage? And would there be the same chemistry I share with my gal from Vietnam?

So I am not ready to put an end to this quite yet, but I certainly will be watching out for my best interests, as she is doing for herself and her child.

Don't call me cold hearted, just say I am wise and experienced.

Wonder, Dear, if she's all cloak and dagger and dark hallways, the lady has some baggage. Some heavy baggage. I'm saying it this way because you wondered (excuse me) about other educated single women out here in your age bracket, and because Bubba decided that you should be dating me. I'm not so sure about Bubba's advice, though, as I surely have baggage of my own. But if that's what you're out to avoid, I'm just saying, the lady lumps under that cloak are likely, you know, her husband in a suitcase or something.

[sandman]

Its just strange to see so many foreigners here without ethics.

Why would that be? Some of us make a LOT of effort to fit in with the locals.

[DazedNConfuzed]

Its just strange to see so many foreigners here without ethics.

Why would that be? Some of us make a LOT of effort to fit in with the locals.

I would have some unkind words for you if what you just said were not true.

[sandman]

Its just strange to see so many foreigners here without ethics.

Why would that be? Some of us make a LOT of effort to fit in with the locals.

I would have some unkind words for you if what you just said were not true.

And in response I would nod, smile and say: "Piesay! Piesay!" while continuing on my merry way.

[steev]

Congratulations and best wishes.

However, don't have sex with her until she's legally divorced from her husband. Adultery is a felony in Taiwan and punishable by fines, imprisonment for up to one year, and deportation after the sentence is served. Then, there's always her husband who might not take too kindly to a big nose diddling his wife, regardless of being physically separated, and therefore might use your head for batting practice. In Taiwan there is only married or not married, separated doesn't count. Tread carefully.

You mean to say you've never shagged any married women?
The only one I turned down in Taiwan it was because her husband was with the local FBI. I thought he could make trouble if he found out. You posters arent a very adventurous lot...

[wonder]

Because so many good people posted their thoughts on this thread, I thought some of you deserved an update on our relationship.

It relieved me to find out just yesterday that she is in fact divorced, and has been for more than a year. The confusion came from a mutual friend who assumed she was separated, and also because my Mandarin still has a long way to go. I think some of the misunderstanding came from my gal too. Although her Mandrarin is great, she is Vietnamese and she probably didn't make herself clear in the first place with our mutual friend.

I have also been told that there is some kind of waiting period after a Taiwanese divorce. Apparently it is two years after the divorce before you can get married or even start another courtship. I finally found out about her divorce because she told me she has one more year to go. Perhaps another Forumosan knows the facts about this waiting period, not that it matters much. We are still concealing our romance, but have been able to go out for dinner on a few occassions.

But, although most of our relationship takes place in my apartment, it hasn't dampened our enjoyment. And I stop by her restaurant all the time for dinner and we make eyes at each other like high school kids. I am beginning to think the staff there knows we have a thing for each other. But I don't think they know we are involved.

The other thing is, she is anything but a gold digger, as was speculated here in this thread. In fact, she is a very knowledgeable restuaranteur and cares very much about her customers. Most of the people who come to the restuarant where she works are coming there because of her excellent attention to detail and PR. I have watched her in action and I can attest that she is very good at what she does.

And because of this, she has recently finalised the purchase of a medium sized restaurant in K-town. I have no doubt that she will do very well.

As for our romance? I've never been happier. She is quite a woman.

Cheers.