Reassessing the Psycho Xiaojie

[tsukinodeynatsu]

I dunno. I think it's more common here than in the west. Part of the avoiding conflict stuff and whatnot, maybe.

I haven't noticed. In my admittedly small circle of family, friends and acquaintances spread pretty much all over the globe, over the last 40-whatever years, it has seemed fairly universal.
I have, though, seen ample evidence of wide-eyed children coming here and hooking up with the most unsuitable women, time and time again. And time and time again, they appear totally nonplussed when the shine wears off. Just kids playing around. Except in the west, these kids are in their teens. Here, they're still from the west, but they're university graduates in their early 30s. Its a strange phenomenon, indeed.
I mean, my nephew in Scotland has just turned 22 and has never lived abroad. And yet he seems SOOOO much more worldy than a lot of the people posting in this thread.

Maybe it's a generational thing? Back in Aus or the UK most of my friends would think you're scumbag for trying to end a relationship by slowly backing off (unless it's a two-date 'relationship' or the like), whereas here most of my friends think it's pretty mean but kind of normal, and one of my very good friends did it herself. @.@;

[bumclouds]

They just flat out tell me they want out. NO beating around the bush (no , not THAT bush either).

I see what you did there.

[914]

I think these ladies are just passive aggressive.

Word of advice: never break up with anyone via text messaging. Be a man/woman and do it in person, or if you're scared for your life, do it on the phone.

[Whole Lotta Lotta]

I want to say something about this slowly backing off thing; It is best to make a clean break from your previous relationship before starting a new one. I have seen girls use this slowly backing off technique and it can have negative consequences when starting a new relationship.
What will happen is the girl will start denying dates or whatever from the previous bf and hope the ex-bf figures it out. The girl will be single, in her opinion, but the bf may still think they are together because she hasn't cleanly broken it off. The girl does something with another guy, the other guy finds out about it and feels cheated on. I think Taiwanese should make efforts to cleanly break things off in order to avoid any confusion.

[bumclouds]

Word of advice: never break up with anyone via text messaging.

I don't think anybody really does that.

[entendre37]

I remember hiding all the knives in the evening before going to bed . . . now that was a healthy relationship.

[cake]

A year or so ago an old room mate of mine lived with a Taiwanese girl for 1.5 years (relationship - 4 years). It had started to fizzle out.
Anyway, she started seeing another guy. He got suspicious due to her then frequent phone calls with a guy (Taiwanese).
His Chinese wasn't great but he got the gist.

After a week he confronted her. She said, because they weren't talking much, she thought they had split up.
He said she cheated. She said they were no longer together and her feelings for him had stopped. It took him a while to get over the deception. He accepted it was over and could handle that, but couldn't get round her not just telling him - especially as they lived together.
He said she could have ended it, but she just said she thought he knew (this was a week after they last had sex too).

The worst thing was he had to stay in the apartment for a few weeks til he found somewhere else. Her relationship with the Taiwanese control freak ended within those few weeks and she was with another foreigner soon after.

[tommy525]

A year or so ago an old room mate of mine lived with a Taiwanese girl for 1.5 years (relationship - 4 years). It had started to fizzle out.
Anyway, she started seeing another guy. He got suspicious due to her then frequent phone calls with a guy (Taiwanese).
His Chinese wasn't great but he got the gist.

After a week he confronted her. She said, because they weren't talking much, she thought they had split up.
He said she cheated. She said they were no longer together and her feelings for him had stopped. It took him a while to get over the deception. He accepted it was over and could handle that, but couldn't get round her not just telling him - especially as they lived together.
He said she could have ended it, but she just said she thought he knew (this was a week after they last had sex too).

The worst thing was he had to stay in the apartment for a few weeks til he found somewhere else. Her relationship with the Taiwanese control freak ended within those few weeks and she was with another foreigner soon after.

This TW girl reads much like your average Western dude . Guess we are all more alike then not.

I can sure see a guy living with a gF and then having an affair with another girl, then going on from that girl to yet another girl.

Having sex with live in gF and yet having sex outside too.

My then wife was banging me at home after banging her beau at work (yuk I know) . The modern woman is no less modern then the modern man.

[GuyInTaiwan]

Sounds like he may have inadvertently dodged a bullet.

[Whole Lotta Lotta]

Another thing I want to say about breakups and perceived cheating if there is some overlap between the time the dumped party knows they've been dumped and the time the actual breakup occured. If you broke up with the gf, she may not take what you are saying as a breakup, even if that is what you are saying. She may only hear what she wants to hear and think you are still together, even though you have just left her . Then, when she finds out that you have contacted another girl between the time you left her and the time she actually realizes you have left her, she can get PISSED. This can lead to threatening phone calls between the ex and the girl you just called to have a nice friendly chat with. This can lead to you having to call the girl you contacted and calm her down and explain everything. Hopefully, she will have a more level head than your ex does.