finances and Fiancees

[Diomedes]

@Omniloquacious - It sounds like you're well off, and I am happy for you and your family that you've had a wonderful 8 years together. I'm sure every man would like to be able to treat his lady as well as you do financially, but the reality is that a lot (most?) of us can't. It's easy to avoid a discussion about money when a lack thereof is not a real threat.


@everyone else (and unrelated to my above note to Omni) -
As is evident from the hot-headed nature of this thread, talking about money is a sensitive subject that needs to be approached with tact whether with your fiancee, friends, or strangers on the internet. The people on this forum should understand cultural differences better then most, and just because he's typing in English doesn't mean he has the same views about financial communication as you do. My first-hand experience has been that Israeli's and Ethiopians talk about money far more openly than Americans, who talk about money more openly than the Irish or Ruskies. So for him, "the money discussion" may be a very new problem to him that he has not had in past relationships.

What I've seen in this thread is that someone who is an outsider to Taiwan but is dating a Taiwanese girl is experiencing a communication rift in his relationship. He came on to these forums with the basic questions of, "Hey (fellow immigrants) is this a common problem? Is this a cultural difference or is it something specifically pertaining to my relationship?"

A man came to these forums looking for advice on two very sensitive subjects and was verbally kicked in the balls for the way he asked, and even sometimes for asking at all. There has been more criticism than advice dispensed throughout these three pages of posts and if I were him my ego would be bruised and I would be upset as well.

The sub-header on this forum states that it is supposed to be "A non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues" and this thread is a poor example of that.

[tommy525]

Yes , but coming back with "fuck yous" to replies that he doesn't like does not endear him to the crowd. Nor should it. You get back the attitude you give out. If you can't take heat don't put yourself in the firing line. Cuz threads get HOT

[Diomedes]

Yes , but coming back with "fuck yous" to replies that he doesn't like does not endear him to the crowd.

IMHO there were a few troll posts here from long-term members that warranted this response.

Moderators' continued inaction makes a statement that referring to people's significant others as "someone you are fucking" is acceptable on these forums, which is disrespectful and far more low-class than talking about money with your fiance.

This statement was made in this thread on March 23rd and has been posted on these forums for 4 months. I do not think anyone here would appreciate that statement being said about their loved one.

[tommy525]

wEll yes a bit of decorum at all times is well warranted however we are all human and could get lit up !

[TheGingerMan]

Funny how the OP stated in his original post how he was not expecting to get a solution online, then went and got his knickers all in a twist when it appeared that he would not get what he expected to hear from this site.

Money conversations will often place a spanner in the works of love & friendship. I have seen many a good relationship go sour over concerns about money. And usually it is over future projections.

That said, it was mentioned that if you love someone, then money shouldn't matter. That is all very well with a few close friends over a few beers or meals or a shopping trip, but if a long term relationship developing possibly into a marriage, it falls well short of the dollar partnership required in the modern age.
Unless, of course, one is well loaded with buckets of cash.

[downtownandrew]

Goddamn it, I have asked for this thread to be locked a total of 4 times now, I have asked mods to lock it... and instead I get a cool off 1 day ban. If I could edit my first post in this thread I would..but I cant.

so pretty please, with sugar on top, with butterfly kisses and moonbeams of love:

Lock this thread. Thank you from my deepest bowls of loath.

[jimipresley]

Goddamn it, I have asked for this thread to be locked a total of 4 times now, I have asked mods to lock it... and instead I get a cool off 1 day ban. If I could edit my first post in this thread I would..but I cant.

so pretty please, with sugar on top, with butterfly kisses and moonbeams of love:

Lock this thread. Thank you from my deepest bowls of loath.

Dude.

This is not "your" thread. This is a public forum which you chose to participate and ask questions in. People have given of their time and effort to reply to you, and merely because you take umbrage to their replies is no reason to trivialise their replies and lock the thread.

If you had been "outed" or said something which may compromise you IRL, I would have no problem with your request. I see no evidence of either, however.

My co-mod Housecat has graciously pruned the off-topic stuff, yet you are still not satisfied.

And you are not able to "edit" your OP because you would undoubtedly delete it, which is against the rules.

If you have a problem with my decision, please feel free to take it to the "Feedback" forum.

[bigduke6]

Goddamn it, I have asked for this thread to be locked a total of 4 times now, I have asked mods to lock it... and instead I get a cool off 1 day ban. If I could edit my first post in this thread I would..but I cant.

so pretty please, with sugar on top, with butterfly kisses and moonbeams of love:

Lock this thread. Thank you from my deepest bowls of loath.

Why don't you just ignore this thread in future?
Seems the simplest option available.