I need a pretend boyfriend (American or not)

[Ducked]

Bad idea. Marriage creates all kinds of inheritance and other rights that even a pre-nuptial agreement may not solve in Taiwan.
ch.

That's probably true, but a probable lack of offspring would nullify a lot of those issues, no?

[finley]

I wouldn't bank on it. The guy would probably be more nervous, since even without kids she could take him to the cleaners if they had any kind of falling-out. Such things aren't restricted to hetero relationships. OK, under the circumstances it seems highly unlikely, but the possibility is there.

[Feiren]

Bad idea. Marriage creates all kinds of inheritance and other rights that even a pre-nuptial agreement may not solve in Taiwan.
ch.

That's probably true, but a probable lack of offspring would nullify a lot of those issues, no?

No, your spouse has a reserved share in your estate.

[Isha]

Bad idea. Marriage creates all kinds of inheritance and other rights that even a pre-nuptial agreement may not solve in Taiwan.
ch.

That's probably true, but a probable lack of offspring would nullify a lot of those issues, no?

No, your spouse has a reserved share in your estate.

That means

No estate (no worries about estate) = No problem

[tsukinodeynatsu]

This post has been edited to restore clarity after the previous posts were moderated.--HC
Face is something to be well read, and as such, stomped on without mercy if unqualified. Face for face sake is an utter cop out, and is not conducive to the natural state of human affairs.
Buddha reveals thus, or haven't you heard?[/quote]


Face for face's sake is stupid, saving face to avoid being disowned, breaking your parents' heart, a life of whispers and knowing looks at every family occasion... Well, I think we're talking about something else here.

Look, it breaks down really simple:

Western (US, UK, Canada etc.) View: Your parents are your parents, and if they truly love you then they want you to be happy. You can't be happy if you have to keep pleasing them to the point of denying who you really are. There may be some conflict when you first come out, but stick through it and your family will accept you in the end because they love you (Disclaimer: There are plenty of stories of American families completely disowning gay sons or daughters, so this is quite an idealised view).

Taiwan: Your parents are your parents, and even if they know somewhere at the back of their minds they simply don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with it. We are not equals of any kind; my parents are my parents, not my friends, and therefore I cannot teach them these coping mechanisms. I can hope that they actually do have them, but I doubt it. In order to protect my parents and myself, I should find a path of least resistance where everybody can be satisfied - I won't have to worry about my love interests affecting my professional or family life, my family won't have to hear the neighbours gossiping about me or live in fear that I'm going to upset the family's social standing. Both sides will be happier and more secure.

Personally, if was me I would say: Fuck them. If they can't accept me they can't accept me; it's not my problem. But then, I'm independent, living away from home, and I think I've got the Luna Lovegood thing 90% down pat. I'm not expecting or banking on any type of assistance or inheritance from my family at all, ever. I also know that my family has been through bigger shocks than 'I'm gay' and will pull through it.

If I belonged to another family, though, I may just choose not to rock the boat. I may be able to come out to them many years down the line, but for now it would be better to let them believe their fantasies and just keep everyone happy.

[Mucha Man]

The cultural differences holds no water. Taiwan is not some African backwater where gays are sent to jail. We just had a female presidential candidate run who the opposition tried to smear as gay and it went nowhere; we had a female vice-president who is almost certainly gay and that went nowhere; we have talk shows, news articles, internet discussions all the time on the topic. Taiwan today is akin to Canada in the 70s, and not the 50s. Remember that even psychological associations once considered homosexuality a mental disease. Taiwanese parents only have their prejudice to go on. All the solid arguments are on the OP's side.

I've always been of the opinion that when we are young our parents educate us, and when we are adults we educate our parents. It's not easy but what is?

Of course coming out to one's family is an entirely personal matter. But is not coming out really an option anymore? It's one thing to keep a secret when doing so is safe and doesn't affect your life much. It's another when doing so is going to force you into hard and constant lies and possible choices you do not want to make.

[mike029]

I remember what it was like with my parents...my dad figured it out by himself when I introduced my then-ex to him as a friend. I believe the exact words were "how long have you two been dating?" When I asked him how he knew, he said "I'm your father. I know you better than you do."

I would be lying if I said my parents were cool with everything, but my dad tried to put on a poker face about the whole thing and be supportive. My mom kept asking me "why?!" in a very condescending way and it kept started fights between my parents with my dad arguing with my mom on my behalf for about 6 months...in my heart I know my mom is not comfortable with all this really, but she is supportive of me, and was very nice to my ex when I brought him to the US for a few weeks and stayed at my house.

One time I was talking to both my parents and they explained to me the reason why some parents are not 100% supportive. Most of the time, it actually has nothing to do with disapproval of who you are attracted to. All parents want their children to be happy. It has more to do with the fact that a lot of people in the world have a blind hatred of that and they don't want their child to have extra 'un-needed' difficulties or hardships. Some people are also blinded by religion or other social norms or pressures. I'm happy my parents never pulled the Jesus card, which they wouldn't do, anyway.

As far as Taiwanese parents go...my ex's mom found out in the most face-losing way possible...she walked in on us. She was also 100% fine with him being gay. She told me afterwards that she just wants him to be happy, and it really shouldn't matter what the sex of the other person is.

I recommend you just come out to your parents. You are not the first Taiwanese lesbian, by far. Actually in my opinion, lesbians are preferable to gays because with gays comes this idea of changing gender roles which Chinese people are just not okay with. In a Chinese social context, the boy is the leader of the family and will have kids to continue the family, and the girl...we were gonna marry her off anyway so who cares. I also think lesbians fly under the radar more.

If your parents can't deal with it, that's their problem and not yours.

[finley]

I remember what it was like with my parents...my dad figured it out by himself when I introduced my then-ex to him as a friend. I believe the exact words were "how long have you two been dating?" When I asked him how he knew, he said "I'm your father. I know you better than you do."

That right there is the point. Of course the OP's parents already know, as (no doubt) do several other people. They just won't admit it to themselves. Having "the talk" is not going to give anyone a heart attack because it's not going to give them any new information.

If your parents can't deal with it, that's their problem and not yours.

There is no "culture" aspect here. I'm sure it's a bloody difficult thing to do regardless.

[PigBloodCake]

Ah...OK. Nun then. Monks are male.

You do know why they're called 'nuns', right?

[crystaleye]

This is why I would never marry a chinese/taiwanese/hkese woman. They listen too much to their parents and families and not enough to themselves.