Taiwanese parents hate me

[tommy525]

Let me let you in on a little secret that the younger set do not know. Your parents are looking after your interests even if their views are askew and their vision faulty.

And they do not hold absolute power. In fact YOU do. Because they will get old and frail. Time is on YOUR side.

They are not your enemy. Your enemy is your own partner. Be sure he/she is friend rather then foe for he/she holds far more sway over how your days are spent and going to be spent, then your parents. The older you get the older THEY get and the less their power.

Unless of course they got all the money, then all bets may be off

[kaikai34]

I'm with Bubba. Your boyfriend needs to grow a pair, stand up for you and let them know they can't treat you like shit. If he can't do that, then it's only going to get worse and you may need to move on. They need you guys more you need them. Do you know what's the worst thing for old people? Being alone. The only way they can hold anything over your boyfriend is with money. If they've got lots of money/property and he wants to get a piece one day, then like Tommy said, all bets are off.

[PapaAzucar]

They are not your enemy. Your enemy is your own partner.

Unless of course they got all the money, then all bets may be off

Tommy has a point here.
A Taiwanese friend explained to me that the tradition is to protect the family's wealth.
The parents are looking for someone that they can trust in their old age to make the financial decisions so that the wealth stays with the family.
Marrying into the family, one has to prove their loyalty to the family to preserve the family's wealth.
Traditional Asian parents don't trust the Western marriages since over half ends up in divorce with some of the wealth leaving the family.

[headhonchoII]

The parents want to control everything. It's up to the bf to take control of his life, but many Taiwanese just want to inherit property and money and are not strong enough to run their own life.
If he won't take control of his own life he is not the right partner for you, period.

[niaoahgin]

It's disheartening to observe such spiteful, racist, backwards behavior from the potential in-laws (in the absence of any insight into "their side" of the story). I doubt their attitudes will ever change, and I have know more than a few pig-headed individuals (from a variety of cultures, to be fair).

My advice (to be taken with a grain or two of salt), is that if you both have the will and wherewithal to leave the country, live independently, and essentially ignore your bf's parents, then this is the best chance for saving your relationship. Staying in Taiwan and allowing the in-laws to maintain any influence on their son will lead to nothing positive. If you truly love him and cannot live without him, do whatever needs to be done. Others have done so, although not without sacrifice.

In the end, the issue is about living with and growing old with the one you love. If the in-laws are standing in the way, remove them from the equation. I wish you both the best!

[bismarck]

I'm with Bubba. Your boyfriend needs to grow a pair, stand up for you and let them know they can't treat you like shit. If he can't do that, then it's only going to get worse and you may need to move on. They need you guys more you need them. Do you know what's the worst thing for old people? Being alone. The only way they can hold anything over your boyfriend is with money. If they've got lots of money/property and he wants to get a piece one day, then like Tommy said, all bets are off.

That's about the summation of it.

[Ed en Vadrouille]

I was in a similar situation with a girl from the south that i came to Taiwan for. We met and lived abroad, and then I moved here for her. Things changed a lot when she came back. She changed a lot. We were together 6 years. Everything i did was never good enough for the family, who was boring as hell and dysfunctional. They were blue, rich, and budhist, so not the easiest to deal with.
Ultimately i understood she would not put me first in her life, in front of her family, when I had given up everything for her. So we ended it, peacefully.

In my current relationship, I'm luckier. She has stood up to her parents, actively disagreeing with them. I have encouraged her, sometime even pushed her in that direction. She has turned out happy with it, and the results for me are pretty good. She wants to spend time abroad.

I'm no longer easy going with older Taiwanese people. It's only a one way relationship the way they see it. I'm polite and do my best to give them face and social status signs that make them feel safer, but I insist standing on my limits when they go too far (which they often do). I no longer accept special reasons, special cases, and excuses like I did for so long in Tainan. In my opinion old people in Taiwan are often capricious and irresponsible, pretending what they do is about respect, tradition, and humility.
If you ask around, you'll find insane stories of morale abuse between older and newer generation, in-laws and bride/groom in Taiwan. Be careful not to be the next one.

[tommy525]

Be a man, they will respect you for it, like Ed is learning.

[bismarck]

I was in a similar situation with a girl from the south that i came to Taiwan for. We met and lived abroad, and then I moved here for her. Things changed a lot when she came back. She changed a lot. We were together 6 years. Everything i did was never good enough for the family, who was boring as hell and dysfunctional. They were blue, rich, and budhist, so not the easiest to deal with.
Ultimately i understood she would not put me first in her life, in front of her family, when I had given up everything for her. So we ended it, peacefully.

In my current relationship, I'm luckier. She has stood up to her parents, actively disagreeing with them. I have encouraged her, sometime even pushed her in that direction. She has turned out happy with it, and the results for me are pretty good. She wants to spend time abroad.

I'm no longer easy going with older Taiwanese people. It's only a one way relationship the way they see it. I'm polite and do my best to give them face and social status signs that make them feel safer, but I insist standing on my limits when they go too far (which they often do). I no longer accept special reasons, special cases, and excuses like I did for so long in Tainan. In my opinion old people in Taiwan are often capricious and irresponsible, pretending what they do is about respect, tradition, and humility.
If you ask around, you'll find insane stories of morale abuse between older and newer generation, in-laws and bride/groom in Taiwan. Be careful not to be the next one.

Quite often true. Happy you found a girl that stood by you.

Be a man, they will respect you for it, like Ed is learning.

The missing part of your equation is what Ed also discovered, i.e. a woman who stands her ground and appreciates you for being a man.

[tommy525]

True, you can be a man but you still need the right woman.