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50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

A non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues

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The Dating and Relationship Forum is a non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues, including: love, romance, sex, communications, familial relationships, cultural issues, activities for couples, psychology, marriage, dating (i.e. "how to meet")

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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby Russ62 » 19 Aug 2012, 17:20

Believe it or not, I'm not looking for anyone to "put out" or to have a fling with. I just want to find someone with whom to spend time and who knows after that.
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby usrabbit » 19 Aug 2012, 17:42

headhonchoII wrote:It's not worth introducing people for it all to blow back into your face when it goes wrong. Especially people who just want to have a bit of fun.

tommy525 wrote:A lot of Taiwanese are not good time girls, they want to marry you and feel that coming out with you means that is your possible intention.

I'm unclear how it is that people see it as so black-and-white: either the relationship is "serious" (leading to marriage) or "casual" (just for fun). But it seems to be the common perception in both Asia and the West.

To me, it seems more natural for it to be about not just physical intimacy, but also getting to know a person. I agree with the OP in the sense that if marriage is the goal from the outset, it's sort of jumping the gun. In my case, I never said that marriage is impossible. It could happen someday, if that inspiration somehow comes about. It's also totally OK if the result is an LTR, we are together as a couple permanently but don't feel a need to formalize it as a marriage. Another good result is if the "lover" phase ends and the person remains a close friend over the long term. Two of my closest friends right now are just such women. So you call that "just for fun"? It seems odd to say that.

Personally, I'm more interested in sincere than "serious," and not wanting kids makes marriage less of an issue. I've noticed that some elderly people (e.g., widowers) have a similar concept of relationship and nobody criticizes them. At younger ages, I guess there are issues about biological clocks and doing what society tells you to do. I would hope that more mature women can think in a more flexible and independent way... but I don't wanna date grandmas! (got GILF?)

Regarding the thing about "blow back in your face when it goes wrong", most of those situations happen in the so-called "serious" case, no? People claim to want something serious, but then they still date around, and some of them do it a lot. Don't they pose an equally high risk (if not higher) of "blowing back in your face"?

I don't mean to hijack the OP's topic (and maybe this issue requires a whole new thread), but I felt that my situation has some similarity to his (although I'm not in Taiwan yet). Perhaps the thing to learn from the responses above is that black-and-white assumptions are the norm, and in Taiwan, you probably have to be even more careful than elsewhere about screening your dates with respect to their relationship attitudes, due to possible ugly reactions.

If anyone has any further suggestions how to approach this in Taiwan, it would be interesting to know. Mei0319 mentioned that some women at least claim not to be interested in marriage ("don't be fooled..."), I wonder how it is that they can get introduced to men, since they are obviously violating the assumed protocol (as Mei said later, she can't introduce you to anyone if you're not "serious", which is exactly what I was told in China).

(PS: I think I just said, in a very long way, what the OP just said in two sentences!)
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby KeLun » 19 Aug 2012, 18:44

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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby Russ62 » 19 Aug 2012, 18:48

usrabbit wrote:
headhonchoII wrote:It's not worth introducing people for it all to blow back into your face when it goes wrong. Especially people who just want to have a bit of fun.

tommy525 wrote:A lot of Taiwanese are not good time girls, they want to marry you and feel that coming out with you means that is your possible intention.

I'm unclear how it is that people see it as so black-and-white: either the relationship is "serious" (leading to marriage) or "casual" (just for fun). But it seems to be the common perception in both Asia and the West.

To me, it seems more natural for it to be about not just physical intimacy, but also getting to know a person. I agree with the OP in the sense that if marriage is the goal from the outset, it's sort of jumping the gun. In my case, I never said that marriage is impossible. It could happen someday, if that inspiration somehow comes about. It's also totally OK if the result is an LTR, we are together as a couple permanently but don't feel a need to formalize it as a marriage. Another good result is if the "lover" phase ends and the person remains a close friend over the long term. Two of my closest friends right now are just such women. So you call that "just for fun"? It seems odd to say that.

Personally, I'm more interested in sincere than "serious," and not wanting kids makes marriage less of an issue. I've noticed that some elderly people (e.g., widowers) have a similar concept of relationship and nobody criticizes them. At younger ages, I guess there are issues about biological clocks and doing what society tells you to do. I would hope that more mature women can think in a more flexible and independent way... but I don't wanna date grandmas! (got GILF?)

Regarding the thing about "blow back in your face when it goes wrong", most of those situations happen in the so-called "serious" case, no? People claim to want something serious, but then they still date around, and some of them do it a lot. Don't they pose an equally high risk (if not higher) of "blowing back in your face"?

I don't mean to hijack the OP's topic (and maybe this issue requires a whole new thread), but I felt that my situation has some similarity to his (although I'm not in Taiwan yet). Perhaps the thing to learn from the responses above is that black-and-white assumptions are the norm, and in Taiwan, you probably have to be even more careful than elsewhere about screening your dates with respect to their relationship attitudes, due to possible ugly reactions.

If anyone has any further suggestions how to approach this in Taiwan, it would be interesting to know. Mei0319 mentioned that some women at least claim not to be interested in marriage ("don't be fooled..."), I wonder how it is that they can get introduced to men, since they are obviously violating the assumed protocol (as Mei said later, she can't introduce you to anyone if you're not "serious", which is exactly what I was told in China).

(PS: I think I just said, in a very long way, what the OP just said in two sentences!)



Very well articulated--yeah, it almost seems like you're not a "serious person" if you're introduced to someone and eventually end the relationship because of compatibility issues. I will NOT make any concessions concerning marriage nor even an LTR until I can get to know the person very well. Doing otherwise is a recipe for disaster and might explain the high divorce rate around the world.
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby steelersman » 19 Aug 2012, 19:21

KanPi wrote:
usrabbit wrote:(PS: I think I just said, in a very long way, what the OP just said in two sentences!)


Let's put it this way, for both you and the OP. Excuse the rude comparison, but I think it may clarify things.

You're looking for rent. You may rent for years and build a whole life based on this place you rent. You might end up buying the place after all or spending more over the years than if you had a mortgage. Or you may move after a while for various perfectly valid reasons. We get it. Nothing wrong or less serious about rent.

Posters here seem to agree based on their experience with/being Taiwanese ( which is personal and not absolute truth of course ) that it will most likely be the case where given the place and age group many people up front will state that they prefer a mortgage. That is all.

It doesn't have to be a problem as long as one is aware of it.


I believe the OP is saying, some might prefer a mortgage upfront, but that isn't wise. It is like taking out a mortgage without doing proper research. You might wind up with a property that may drown in a flood if your don't take the time to access the situation. Likewise, you may wind up with a partner that will drowned you in a flood as well.
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby Icon » 19 Aug 2012, 21:09

Guys, we call this situation in Spanish el burro piensa una cosa y el que lo arrea otra. The donkey is thinking one thing, and the one leading him another. You may not be looking for something serious, you may state that you arre looking for a friend. But the woman might be thinking -and there is this kind of woman- that she can make you change your mind. She might see it as a challenge. She may then start investing a lot in your relationship, expecting a return. And that's when things turn sour, one way or another.

So keep your eyes and ears peeled, observe, think with the upper brain before you engage the lower one. Because once that other one is in effect controlling the situation, you will not be able to distinguish a fun loving gal who wants a mature, non clingy relationship, and the warning signs of an impending psycho xiajie in the works. Have reliable male friends as your wing men. Your extra pairs of eyes and brains engaged in the situation. If you have female friends, even better.

be aware of "cultural nuances". In the West, probably, a one night stand will not lead to much expectations. the easier the gal to take home, the easier to forget, you might think. Alert, Will Robinson. It might be the actual opposite here. Seen it time and time again. You pay for the meal, after it has been eaten, plus take out and extra charges, very much mark up prices. And I may be preaching to the choir, or you might think it does not apply at your age, but the truth is that when you are in a different cultural environment, you think that making leeway for things you wouldn't back home is the way to go. yep, it is the way for things to go potty.

Sorry for the language, but I have sat through many a crying session both from male and female acquaintances on both sides of the issue. And it gets kind of boring.

EDIT:
Nevertheless, I don't want you guys to be discouraged. It is part of the adventure. What the heck, take a risk, and go for it if you have the chance. Just report back in case you need to bail out...
Lo urgente no deja tiempo para lo importante. Mafalda.

None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby steelersman » 19 Aug 2012, 21:29

Well the OP is here for six months. So even if he meets a physco xiaojie, he will be free of her eventually. However make sure that you don't give her your home address or clues as of how to find you in the U.S. You don't want her winding up on your door step in the US, threatening to kill herself if you don't marry her!
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby KeLun » 19 Aug 2012, 22:07

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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby tommy525 » 20 Aug 2012, 00:35

If you never touch them, kiss them or even hold their hand and the "Friendship" is strongly stated and not just implied. You will get your dates for good conversation (or at least conversation) , something more useful then just talking to yourself in front of the hotel's tv set.

But thats not (i suspect) your entire aim.

If you do any of the above things, it can and WILL get complicated.

Especially if you do any of the above for longer then a few minutes or more then once !

No need to thank me :bow:

You may be better off having the "friendship girls" only for conversation of a non sexual nature and reserve the horizontal mumbo for "contracted for hire persons of the opposite sex" expressly for this purpose.

Its that or cruise the discos for one night stands. And make sure its only one night because more then one means ..... involvement.

It is hard to do what you (may) want to achieve.

Be based in Taipei for six months and have a wonderful girlfriend for conversation, dinners, movies and a sex partner and then when the six months are over, pat her on the ass and say that was fun hon, byebye and dont write me because i wont write you.

Lets just kiss (etc) and say good bye !


Its just not going to be easy to find such a gal.
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby Mr He » 20 Aug 2012, 11:37

I might be assuming too much, however here is what I think about the OP:

1. He is not young, IE he should be packing a lot of life experience.
2. He is single, but not a life-long bachelor, I would think that he has been married before.
3. He would be looking for companionship here, however if it all feels right, he could well marry or what have you not.
4. He would not feel completely satisfied with limiting his advances to girls found in nightclubs, but would be in the market for someone intersting on several levels, it goes without saying that it should be a filly with some overseas experience and perhaps the kind of emotional maturity you do not get when living with your parents to you are 40.

OK, while listening to you guys, he should find out about Doc Love and read "The System". Armed with common sense and not moving fast because he has not smelled pussy for umpteen years, he should date, however avoid jumping in bed with the first female willing to spread legs. Go on a few inexpensive dinner dates, not trying to come on hard, and spend time on finding out what kinds of persons he is with would take him a long way.

He should also get "Culture chock Taiwan" and read that too, and well, I have dated a good number of ladies here, and the only one I have had go crazy on me was a Pina - not even a Chinese.

If he keeps reading the posts some of you guys put up, he will spend his 6 months in Taiwan barricaded in his hotel room, with his sex life consisting the beautiful Miss Rosy Palm and her five little helpers.

There are many great an magnificient women here, he just have to go out there and start looking.
Jeg er hvad jeg er.

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