headhonchoII wrote:It's not worth introducing people for it all to blow back into your face when it goes wrong. Especially people who just want to have a bit of fun.
tommy525 wrote:A lot of Taiwanese are not good time girls, they want to marry you and feel that coming out with you means that is your possible intention.
usrabbit wrote:headhonchoII wrote:It's not worth introducing people for it all to blow back into your face when it goes wrong. Especially people who just want to have a bit of fun.tommy525 wrote:A lot of Taiwanese are not good time girls, they want to marry you and feel that coming out with you means that is your possible intention.
I'm unclear how it is that people see it as so black-and-white: either the relationship is "serious" (leading to marriage) or "casual" (just for fun). But it seems to be the common perception in both Asia and the West.
To me, it seems more natural for it to be about not just physical intimacy, but also getting to know a person. I agree with the OP in the sense that if marriage is the goal from the outset, it's sort of jumping the gun. In my case, I never said that marriage is impossible. It could happen someday, if that inspiration somehow comes about. It's also totally OK if the result is an LTR, we are together as a couple permanently but don't feel a need to formalize it as a marriage. Another good result is if the "lover" phase ends and the person remains a close friend over the long term. Two of my closest friends right now are just such women. So you call that "just for fun"? It seems odd to say that.
Personally, I'm more interested in sincere than "serious," and not wanting kids makes marriage less of an issue. I've noticed that some elderly people (e.g., widowers) have a similar concept of relationship and nobody criticizes them. At younger ages, I guess there are issues about biological clocks and doing what society tells you to do. I would hope that more mature women can think in a more flexible and independent way... but I don't wanna date grandmas! (got GILF?)
Regarding the thing about "blow back in your face when it goes wrong", most of those situations happen in the so-called "serious" case, no? People claim to want something serious, but then they still date around, and some of them do it a lot. Don't they pose an equally high risk (if not higher) of "blowing back in your face"?
I don't mean to hijack the OP's topic (and maybe this issue requires a whole new thread), but I felt that my situation has some similarity to his (although I'm not in Taiwan yet). Perhaps the thing to learn from the responses above is that black-and-white assumptions are the norm, and in Taiwan, you probably have to be even more careful than elsewhere about screening your dates with respect to their relationship attitudes, due to possible ugly reactions.
If anyone has any further suggestions how to approach this in Taiwan, it would be interesting to know. Mei0319 mentioned that some women at least claim not to be interested in marriage ("don't be fooled..."), I wonder how it is that they can get introduced to men, since they are obviously violating the assumed protocol (as Mei said later, she can't introduce you to anyone if you're not "serious", which is exactly what I was told in China).
(PS: I think I just said, in a very long way, what the OP just said in two sentences!)
KanPi wrote:usrabbit wrote:(PS: I think I just said, in a very long way, what the OP just said in two sentences!)
Let's put it this way, for both you and the OP. Excuse the rude comparison, but I think it may clarify things.
You're looking for rent. You may rent for years and build a whole life based on this place you rent. You might end up buying the place after all or spending more over the years than if you had a mortgage. Or you may move after a while for various perfectly valid reasons. We get it. Nothing wrong or less serious about rent.
Posters here seem to agree based on their experience with/being Taiwanese ( which is personal and not absolute truth of course ) that it will most likely be the case where given the place and age group many people up front will state that they prefer a mortgage. That is all.
It doesn't have to be a problem as long as one is aware of it.
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