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50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

A non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues

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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby tommy525 » 20 Aug 2012, 11:42

He can shake and he can bake, one only hopes he ends up liking the cake he makes .
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby Russ62 » 20 Aug 2012, 19:07

I continue to learn a lot from the posters on this thread. For those who insist that the women are marriage-minded from relationship inception, I wonder how this is much different from an arranged marriage--one where you really don't know the person at all until after the committment has been made???
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby mei0319 » 20 Aug 2012, 21:44

I don't know if arranged-marriage is a good analogy. It's just when the women get older, they don't do as much of "looking around" and "trying each other out" sort of thing. Everyone's experience would be different though, you may meet someone's unlike what we've talked about and still super nice and everything, or you may just like the first woman you get to know and decide to marry her against all of our advices.
I think it's not much use of us talking so much and you thinking so much. Take the other poster's advice, try not to have physical contact with her and you should be fine as long as the marriage trap is concerned. You'd know later if you two want to do something different than a platonic relationship and you may as well know if she'd all go crazy and throw herself from your racing car.
Just say something like, you'd like to meet some local people and do things together, men or women, and your coworkers or friends from church would match you with someone shares the same interests or some invitations of language exchange or sight-seeing dates.
Best wishes, and I am sure, you'd have a great time, with them or without them.
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby steelersman » 20 Aug 2012, 22:02

Russ62 wrote:I continue to learn a lot from the posters on this thread. For those who insist that the women are marriage-minded from relationship inception, I wonder how this is much different from an arranged marriage--one where you really don't know the person at all until after the committment has been made???


Maybe you should try some language exchanges. Some of the women will be looking for a foreign male companion. Plus she could also teach you how to order at a restaurant. Its a win-win situation.
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby Russ62 » 21 Aug 2012, 05:56

mei0319 wrote:I don't know if arranged-marriage is a good analogy. It's just when the women get older, they don't do as much of "looking around" and "trying each other out" sort of thing. Everyone's experience would be different though, you may meet someone's unlike what we've talked about and still super nice and everything, or you may just like the first woman you get to know and decide to marry her against all of our advices.
I think it's not much use of us talking so much and you thinking so much. Take the other poster's advice, try not to have physical contact with her and you should be fine as long as the marriage trap is concerned. You'd know later if you two want to do something different than a platonic relationship and you may as well know if she'd all go crazy and throw herself from your racing car.
Just say something like, you'd like to meet some local people and do things together, men or women, and your coworkers or friends from church would match you with someone shares the same interests or some invitations of language exchange or sight-seeing dates.
Best wishes, and I am sure, you'd have a great time, with them or without them.



You're probably right, mei0319. I shouldn't think too much about what may happen but more about what is happening. I guess I've seen so many divorces in the West (with many of those resulting from rushing blindly into marriage) that it's made me overly cautious. I will play it by ear.

What can I say? This is such a supportive board without many of the caustic replies you often find on others. I do appreciate it.
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby steelersman » 21 Aug 2012, 06:13

Russ,

I wonder if there really is a correlation between rushing into marriage and divorce. It would be interesting to see statistics one way or another. You should read "Thinking Fast and Slow". This may simply be a system one error in which humans try to over simply causation.

I would guess that values on marriage play a longer role on whether a couple gets divorced as opposed to how fast they get married.
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby Mr He » 21 Aug 2012, 11:47

Well, that's the best, not every woman wanting to go out with you for a coffee want to get married to you. Some are interested, some want a quick fling, hell, half the population here are women, so there are all kinds.

I have had women trying to get me in bed telling me beforehand over dinner when we were still.... errm good friends (read - before we started to kiss each other) that they did not consider a relationship with me a step on the way to marriage, as they valued their freedom.

I have also had women, who 5 minutes into a coffee date told me that they really wanted to get married.

There are all sorts, I think that listening and taking it slow is key. Again, read Doc Love, he has tonnes of good advice, and according to the Chinese women who have borrowed his book from me, it all makes great sense to them.

Really.
Jeg er hvad jeg er.

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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby Icon » 21 Aug 2012, 12:08

Russ62 wrote:
mei0319 wrote:I don't know if arranged-marriage is a good analogy. It's just when the women get older, they don't do as much of "looking around" and "trying each other out" sort of thing. Everyone's experience would be different though, you may meet someone's unlike what we've talked about and still super nice and everything, or you may just like the first woman you get to know and decide to marry her against all of our advices.
I think it's not much use of us talking so much and you thinking so much. Take the other poster's advice, try not to have physical contact with her and you should be fine as long as the marriage trap is concerned. You'd know later if you two want to do something different than a platonic relationship and you may as well know if she'd all go crazy and throw herself from your racing car.
Just say something like, you'd like to meet some local people and do things together, men or women, and your coworkers or friends from church would match you with someone shares the same interests or some invitations of language exchange or sight-seeing dates.
Best wishes, and I am sure, you'd have a great time, with them or without them.



You're probably right, mei0319. I shouldn't think too much about what may happen but more about what is happening. I guess I've seen so many divorces in the West (with many of those resulting from rushing blindly into marriage) that it's made me overly cautious. I will play it by ear.

What can I say? This is such a supportive board without many of the caustic replies you often find on others. I do appreciate it.


It comes from graduating from the School of Hard Knocks and Broken Hearts.

Besides, mas sabe el diablo por viejo que por diablo -the devil is wise because it is old, not because it is the devil. :D
Lo urgente no deja tiempo para lo importante. Mafalda.

None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.
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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby Mucha Man » 29 Aug 2012, 02:14

Mr He wrote:...I have had women trying to get me in bed telling me beforehand over dinner when we were still.... errm good friends (read - before we started to kiss each other) that they did not consider a relationship with me a step on the way to marriage, as they valued their freedom.


Hmm, I never met that kind. Well, maybe I did and didn't recognize it at the time. Hmm. For a single man a great place to meet single well-off and educated women in their late 30s and 40s is hot springs around the island. I met tons because of work but wasn't in the market.
“Everywhere else in the world is also really old” said Prof. Liu, a renowned historian at Beijing University. “We always learn that China has 5000 years of cultural heritage, and that therefore we are very special. It appears that other places also have some of this heritage stuff. And are also old. Like, really old.”

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Re: 50 Years Old--Is it too late for me?

Postby wonder » 01 Sep 2012, 00:58

I see things have gotten a little off topic from the initial OP but I will put in my two cents anyway.

When I first got to Asia, I was 38 and living in South Korea, dating any age of women I wanted. Anywhere from 21 to 31 was the norm.

I have always had an athletic frame, full head of hair and a good sense of humor and am extremely outgoing. So those things will add up to meeting the opposite sex on numerous occasions. Not to mention I taught adults for quite some time.

When I arrived in Taiwan I was 40 and my first serious girlfriend was just out of university. After that I dated women in their early 20s and early 30s.

Something did change though when I got to my mid 40s. Obviously my age had caught up with me. I have always looked much younger than my age but now it was not so much. I left the island for two years and when I got back to TW it was like I had put on 10 years. I still looked young for my age but perhaps there were other things that made me seem much older.

But never mind. I met a beautiful girl who is just 34 now and I am blissfully in love. Age and experience tells me to stick with this one. What can I say? I love younger, beautiful women. :notworthy:
"Close up I am big but far away I'm small and hardly here at all."
Ray Davies from The Kinks
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