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Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

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Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

Postby JamesMovieFanatic » 15 Nov 2014, 05:33

Ok, back in the States, whenever a girl I was dating starts to complain about her ex or guys she dated before me, I take it as a sign she's not interested in me. Easy, go our separate ways. I've only dated 3 Taiwanese girls in a rather short period of time, and all three of them complains about their ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends, and Taiwanese guys in general. I thought it was signs they weren't interested in me, treating me like a eunuch or guy in 'The fRIEND zONE'. So I stopped talking to them telling them politely (also to give myself a less embarrassing way out) we probably lack 緣分. Is this a rude way or did I do the right thing? They all keep telling me they want to continue to date me but I think they're confused with the definition of dating, or am I missing some cultural thing?
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Re: Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

Postby Lros » 15 Nov 2014, 06:36

I wouldn't worry about it. wouldn't say its bad as they might just be letting you know about a bad experience and hopefully that it wont be repeated with you?? anyway, if you don't wanna hear it change the subject but no, I don't think its anything to worry about in the early stage on a relationship.
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Re: Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

Postby NonTocareLeTete » 15 Nov 2014, 15:17

It's generally considered uncouth to talk about your ex to a new love interest in western countries, but the same may not be true in Taiwan. Why don't you ask them?

I think it's a pretty understandable desire- to rehash an old relationship because you're wondering what went wrong, or as a way of communicating to your new suitor what you don't want. So if there's not a cultural taboo against it, it makes sense to me that someone might engage in a little complaining about past boyfriends.
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Re: Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

Postby mao-mi » 20 Nov 2014, 12:16

It's considered uncouth in Taiwan too. I would say there is actually MORE discussion of previous relationships in America than in Taiwan.

This is an awkward thing to phrase, but I've seen a few cases where a Taiwanese woman breaks up with a Taiwanese man and then dates a Western man and attributes the failed relationship with the Taiwanese guy to his "Taiwaneseness" rather than his individual personality. Particularly during the honeymoon period of the relationship, we tend to idealize our new partner and demonize our old partner. Date for longer and she will see your flaws and mellow out :)
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Re: Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

Postby aquaair0124 » 20 Nov 2015, 14:51

It's not just Taiwanese though, some of my friends who are not Taiwanese do talk about their Exs too. Just depends on the person and not nationality.
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Re: Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

Postby hansioux » 20 Nov 2015, 14:55

Dunno, is it normal to complain about the person they are going out with to their ex's? I have seen both. Somehow I have a feeling that the ones who don't do this are the ones that will stay around.
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Re: Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

Postby RickRooney » 21 Nov 2015, 13:31

I think a little bit is fine, and even useful. you want to know why a girl split up with her ex's at least, might be some important information there that could happen to you might need to look out for yourself in the future.

relentlessly talking about it is obviously a different matter though. I wouldn't really call it a date but i did hang out with one girl about a month ago who literally talked about her ex for 2 hours straight. the storys were quite crazy so I was happy to listen but no i didn't want to date her after that. i asked her recently if she had any updates on him and she said something like no, he is in her past why would she wanna talk about him?? :lol:
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Re: Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

Postby Versace Guy » 25 Nov 2015, 07:42

I think they are trying to qualifying themselves in why they are dating a foreigner.
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Re: Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

Postby diakka » 25 Nov 2015, 10:31

I think people are too oversensitive about this. Are people adapting the stop snitchin' gangsta mantra to dating now? I'm an American guy and have at times complained about problems with exes to a girl that I was dating or interested in. I've never regarded it as something related to dating etiquette, but it could definitely be a huge red flag if the complaints are excessive and that person seems intent in playing the victim role. I'm not afraid to bring some things up that were over the top or maybe examples of what kind of behavior that I'm not willing to tolerate from a future partner. And personally, I like hearing about a girl's past experiences, good and bad, because it gives me a window into her psychology. So I don't think you can assume that complaining to you about an ex is a sign that they are not interested, unless the behavior they are describing sounds like something that you would do.
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Re: Taiwanese girls complaining about their ex's, normal?

Postby ehophi » 10 Jan 2016, 15:33

This is just so outside of the norm for me. My Taiwanese girlfriends hated the idea that I had ever dated anyone before them, even when they ask questions that directly pertain to my relationship experience.

Luckily, the one I'm with now is smart enough to recognize what she does on occasion and respond, "I'm sorry I asked."
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