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Getting Laid as Student

A non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues

Moderators: Tempo Gain, NonTocareLeTete

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The Dating and Relationship Forum is a non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues, including: love, romance, sex, communications, familial relationships, cultural issues, activities for couples, psychology, marriage, dating (i.e. "how to meet")

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Re: Getting Laid as Student

Postby NonTocareLeTete » 05 Feb 2015, 15:31

finley wrote:Sure ... I meant, it's common knowledge there's no shortage of male predators, but women just don't get the same press coverage (or the same label).

Strangely (and this is a belief that I really think I need to challenge, because it feels very inequitable and wrong) I don't have the same reaction on a visceral level when I hear of an underage boy and a teacher having "relations."
When I hear about an underage girl and a teacher getting it on, I feel sick for her, sure that it's going to have all sorts of negative implications for her future and her emotional health.
When I hear about a underage boy and a teacher getting it on, my natural reaction is, "ah, he'll be ok, if anything he'll feel like a stud."

So, is this because society is naturally kinder to males who are more sexually experienced, while it's unkind to sexually experienced females?

Is it because I am a woman, and I don't feel like my sexuality is inherently harmful, whereas I do feel like men's sexuality can be harmful (because I've been hurt by men I've been in sexual relationships with? Because I fear rape?) (could it be that men, also, feel that their sexuality isn't harmful, while they might feel like women's is?)

Is it because I naturally sense that they boy will shake it off and move on, while the girl will have a harder time? (differences in male/female responses to increased oxytocin/testosterone that is brought on by sex?)

Is it because I've been indoctrinated by a culture that vilifies male sexuality?

I don't know. I'm all tangled up on the issue.
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Re: Getting Laid as Student

Postby Mr He » 05 Feb 2015, 15:38

Men tend to get PTSD after being raped, be it by other men or by women.

Getting an orgasm during the rape does not help.
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Re: Getting Laid as Student

Postby finley » 05 Feb 2015, 16:14

NonTocareLeTete wrote:I don't know. I'm all tangled up on the issue.


I mentioned it because it is, indeed, a very odd phenomenon. I don't know what the explanation is either. It seems instinctive, but on examination it makes no sense.

"Everyone knows" that women aren't interested in underage boys, and that it never (or hardly ever) happens. From my experience, what "everyone knows" is wrong. All of my acquaintances at school appeared to hook up with older women (in one case, much older - American Pie wasn't just fiction). The lack of age-appropriate partners had something to do with it, but there are obviously plenty of women who do get some sort of thrill out of young lads running on pure testosterone like the Energizer bunny.

The women I'm talking about were not weirdos, outcasts or (apart from one specific proclivity) perverts. I met a couple of them, and they were nice, personable, intelligent (and hot) women. The boys' parents were presumably aware of the situation. Nobody considered that there was a crime being committed, least of all the boys involved. If anything, having an older and wiser partner helped us evolve into balanced human beings - something which might not have been the case for the average kid growing up in a single-sex environment where study and cricket filled most of one's waking hours.

And then there was another friend - a girl - who met her bf when she was 15 and he was (IIRC) in his late 20s. She'd had to keep that on the down low. There was nothing (much) wrong with him either. He was a bass teacher and gave me a few free lessons. Seemed a decent enough guy. My friend was obviously happy with him (they were still together when I left school). And yet, he probably would have done porridge if the wrong people had found out.

Bottom line here is that there are all sorts of shades of gray (about 50, probably). Abuse is like porn - you know it when you see it. Gary Glitter? Jimmy Savile? Good grief, WTF was wrong with those guys? OTOH, I think the knee-jerk reaction towards younger girls having sex, and the 'meh' reaction to young boys doing the same, is partly cultural - after all, there are and have been plenty of cultures where the average 15-year-old is/was pregnant and happy about it.

Men and women are different ... but not all that different. If you drum into women's heads from an early age ideas about purity (which still linger on from an overly-religious past), shame them for even thinking about sex, and react with extreme aggression towards young men they are involved with, they will inevitably feel abused even when the relationship was an equitable one. I think the last is particularly important: if someone you care about, even if in a puppy-love fashion, is vilified by society or jailed, you will be deeply affected by the experience. You will draw the conclusion that something terrible occurred. Possibly it did. But what then? Teenagers, male and female, will inevitably have some bad experiences - sexual or otherwise - while growing up (I'm not talking about rape and incest, but bad personal decisions, as one gradually takes such decisions upon oneself). The proper reaction, surely, is not to tell them that they are victims and will be forever damaged by the experience. The aim should be to ensure that kids grow up with a psyche able to accept, learn from, and deal with one's personal mistakes, even if one was manipulated into such a mistake.
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Re: Getting Laid as Student

Postby aquaair0124 » 20 Nov 2015, 14:48

I found most Taiwanese to be really awkward when in conversations regarding to sex, which I think is mainly due to the culture. I am a taiwanese but i study abroad so I don't really mind due to the influence from my sch mates and is more open minded in such topics. However, local Taiwanese just can't, due to embarrassment, unless you are lucky enough to find a really open minded Taiwanese girl.
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