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What am I doing wrong here?

A non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues

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The Dating and Relationship Forum is a non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues, including: love, romance, sex, communications, familial relationships, cultural issues, activities for couples, psychology, marriage, dating (i.e. "how to meet")

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Re: What am I doing wrong here?

Postby strider » 06 Jul 2016, 10:14

Zla'od wrote:Okay, I read the original post to my wife and sister-in-law (admittedly from a different generation) and filled in some of the details based on later posts. For what it's worth, they thought that maybe the problem was that asking women you don't know very well out on dates is a little weird and potentially dangerous for the girl. (I reminded them it was just for coffee, but still...) When I asked them what they thought you should do, they said you should get to know them better before asking them out. I pointed out that in most cases, you would never get the chance to get to know them better, if they're women you just met in passing. At that point they moved on to other things. Maybe I should put the original question on an exam, so you could have university-age women answer it!


I'm glad to see someone has exactly grasped the nature of the situation, in a judgement free manner! I had given up on this thread. You've certainly got my vote for putting it on an exam if you're in a position to do so! That would probably be rather socially interesting in its own right.

I'm on the brink of concluding that it is either A. I live in the wrong city (not enough English) or B. Taiwanese culture is too heavily "social circle" oriented.(again possibly that is this city? I doubt it's so much in Taipei) Anyway, as it happens, I'm extremely busy. I just barely even have the time to GO on dates in the first place, assuming I could find them. I certainly don't have the time to go get involved in various social gatherings, simply in the hopes of finding dates. Anyway, I am not that kind of disingenuous personality in the first place.

I do get around, about my day, and see girls here and there. And in the States, or in Europe, or in South America, that's all I ever needed. I see a pretty girl, I walk up to her, start a chat, and get a date a pretty fair percentage of the time. I'm not a player, I look for dates because I am an optimist, and believe any woman I see could be a potential life partner, you never know unless you say hello who you might pass by. I always dress well (many levels of magnitude above the _average_ Taiwanese male, (no judgement, it's just I don't shop at the bargain bin of the local street market). I keep myself groomed, in excellent physical condition, I'm tall, blonde (only mention because so many claim this makes getting dates around here "impossibly easy", I beg to differ!), I've even been approached for and even done a bit of modeling in the past, and occasionally get approached for sex (by unattractive women of course) so I have to assume I'm not terribly ugly....I can only conclude it (dating) is just obviously done a bit differently here, and I can't figure out what that bit is :p
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Re: What am I doing wrong here?

Postby RickRooney » 06 Jul 2016, 10:40

can't figure it out? how about try reading the 8 pages of discussion and common sense aimed your way.
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Re: What am I doing wrong here?

Postby strider » 06 Jul 2016, 10:51

More like 8 sentences, at best....
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Re: What am I doing wrong here?

Postby strider » 06 Jul 2016, 11:07

It is good to see there are one or two people here who have a clue though, that's brought me back. I assume you know who you are. The others, I wish you knew who you were and would bugger off, but for some reason I"ll waste some time on a response to you:

I'm not divulging my age, because I am not interested in the opinion of anyone foolish enough to focusing on age, as though it were a relevant issue. There are some girls who care about age being similar to their own. There are other girls who care about age having a great gap, and don't want to date a guy anywhere within 10 years of their own age. I know a guy who is 45 (much older than me) who probably dates something like 20-30 different women aged 18-23 every YEAR, and he is CHEAP so don't retort anything about money. Age is irrelevant back in the US and even more so here!

For the last month, I have been inundated in my personal life, and frankly I couldn't hardly put a date anywhere in my schedule if I had one, so I stopped approaching. My normal schedule would just BARELY allow for it anyway. I own two businesses and I teach English. I go to the gym, run errands, take lessons at the University, etc. etc. I'm out there. I have inadvertently taken the idiotic advice of those claiming that simply "not trying" and waiting for the ladies to come flocking is the way to go about this. Number of conversations with beautiful women I had prior to doing that? (30 a month?) Number of conversations with beautiful women since? Zero, big shocker. There are still of course always the occasional approaches by low-quality, unattractive women, which I am sure is good enough for you guys giving that foolish advice, but not my cup of tea. I have standards. If, like those of you who mentioned this, I was a desperate guy with nothing going for me who just wanted to get tied down and start paying family expenses as soon as possible in return for regular access to mediocre sex, then I could do that tomorrow. But I'm not. Quality women do not see a guy going about his business and just run over to him and fling themselves at him. Quality women, have DOZENS of potential suitors already in their phones. Men go to them, not the other way around.

As for the advice about pitching interesting dates, in my experience, all over the world, women are not going to go off on a trip into the mountains with a guy they talked to for 15 minutes at the grocery store then chatted with a bit on the phone, in the US that would be an uncommonly adventurous woman, I have a very hard time believing that is the route I need to be taking here. Let's get a drink, coffee, hang out at the department store, a bite to eat, boring yes but an opportunity to develop comfort in a non-threatening environment. Frankly, I don't see any other options here in Hsinchu but I'm very interested if anyone could name some. At any rate, I seriously doubt that what's happening is that all the Taiwanese guys asking her out are pitching such mind-blowingly cool and interesting dates that I'm failing to compete on that basis.
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Re: What am I doing wrong here?

Postby strider » 06 Jul 2016, 11:42

I don't have anything against online dating. I've already sent messages to all 7 OKcupid profiles in my area, however : p I did end up going out with two of them, but I broke it off after a couple of months. Similar results on Tinder. And again, frankly, you are looking at slightly above average quality women at best here. You don't meet quality women in bars, clubs, or usually online, but in daily interactions, generally speaking. Larger cities I know the online dating pool is big enough it's different, but it's very limited in Hsinchu.

Oh and for the record, I have NEVER asked for a woman's phone number and gotten a response other than "sure! here you go." (in Taiwan) so for those making comments about using that as some kind of a basis for judging interest, again, I can only assume you have no experience with actually dating in this country. I have literally gotten at least 100 numbers in the last 5 months or so. Numbers are meaningless. They all end up the same. One or two simple texts, a very limited, CLOSED response, then the disappearing act. Which happens all over the world of course. I've just never seen it happen 100% of the time anywhere except for here.
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Re: What am I doing wrong here?

Postby Andrew0409 » 06 Jul 2016, 12:41

IMO after reading a lot of what you wrote, you seem arrogant in a bad way. There's confidence and there's arrogant. That right there could be your sole source of the problem. I don't know you personally so I can be wrong. But take it with a grain of salt, if I'm getting that vibe from you here, women can be getting the same vibe. But it's like you're trying to prove to us you are God's gift to women but it's not working and it's because of some circumstances beyond you.
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Re: What am I doing wrong here?

Postby dabomb_gent » 08 Jul 2016, 13:07

100 numbers with zero success that is pretty terrible.
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Re: What am I doing wrong here?

Postby Andrew0409 » 08 Jul 2016, 16:04

dabomb_gent wrote:100 numbers with zero success that is pretty terrible.


yeah, I'm not getting it. I don't consider myself particularly handsome, there are certainly guys that can just sit at the bar and have women ooze at the sight of him. That's not me. I hardly ever approach, I let my reputation and my circle of friends do the introduction. My last gf was a model from Lithuania, she was gorgeous, we would actually walk around and see pictures of her sometimes on like the side of the taxi cab door. I don't particularly like cold approaching, I found no need for it. I build a social life around me and the girls follow. Certainly there are many girls I found beautiful and would like to be with that are not even a little bit interested in me. But usually I get women from being able to navigate the social ladder. I put myself in a position where I'm hanging out with beautiful women who are just friends. So my other advice is maybe build a better social circle and use that to your advantage.

Women usually want to have someone they know give them some sort of "yeah, Andrew is a good guy, you should talk to him" I'm honestly terrible at cold approaches, so I have other people help me in that way.
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Re: What am I doing wrong here?

Postby Tomas » 08 Jul 2016, 20:01

If it isn't working, you need it too much.

Go back to just wanting it, but not really needing it, and you'll connect with more people, more deeply.

That, and maybe shave the pornstache (if you have one).
Come on baby, you know you my home slice.
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Re: What am I doing wrong here?

Postby zender » 08 Jul 2016, 20:57

Do you have a pornstache or any other facial hair? That's what I've been thinking all along.

You're tall, blond, attractive, well dressed, hard working, and surrounded by young women . . . I can't think of anything other than facial hair that would give you such a low batting average in Taiwan. Is it a moustache, a full beard, or one of those goatees? Some foreigners think that the Handsome Bum Look that Miami Vice made popular 30 years ago will work in Taiwan. It doesn't.

If it's not facial hair, it could still be your face. Are you smiler?
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