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Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

A non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues

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Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby Lepetitchinois » 16 Jul 2016, 13:45

Before i begin, I would just like to say hi to all members on this forum. I am a newbie on formosa looking for advice on general "how to meet"/"how to date". My background is somewhat complicated, long story short, I am in the grey area between foreign and local. In other words, I am neither the "typical foreigner" nor being considered as "local"; the reason being that i m Asian background with varied( wouldn't say western) education and cultures (been moving from country to country). ABC not sure if that's how you call it, in spite the fact that i wasn't born overseas I was migrated abroad young enough (at elementary school age) to be considered one by local populace and westerners alike. I retain some of my heritage and that includes being able to speak Chinese, knowing how to get by on day to day basis, but totally clueless when it comes to interacting with others. Especially when dealing with the more subtle aspect of human interaction.

So here it is, I don't know how to date and had absolutely no idea where to begin. In Taiwan, I've tried to attend events and groups to get to know people with the expectation of possibly finding a date. To no avail, I've never succeed in any of my endeavours. I would ask the girls out by inviting them(one on one of course) for lunch/dinner/nights out/anything but then the response has always been the same line"sorry I must go have lunch with my friends"/"sorry I don't feel like going out today", very disappointing, the same applies to foreign girls as well, some will have the made up boyfriends I've never seen in person (I know some do), presumably they don't otherwise I would've notice and hear them discussing about the guy without stalking people and i m not a creepy stalker, I don't doubt the credibility of some claims but why lie. Or sometimes we exchanged contact such as facebook and LINE and the girl was never heard again, other times the girls will just have excuses like their phone isn't working they can't use LINE et cetera. Always left me out in a group event and later on found them posting their pictures of happy times going to the beach or camping somewhere together on facebook on the days where they're supposedly busy. I sometimes actively want to get involved and succeed one or two times but was too embarrassed for that to be a norm; it is hard to join a clique.

To make it clear, i m all for the locals girls or foreign girls due to the fact that i can't find any I always keep my options open and drop my standards as well. This reminds me in Europe, my friends tried their best to help by including me in many festivals and Friday nights parties at the local disco. We've been to places that's easy enough to meet with the opposite sex and known for fast pickup. Problem is, as the same throughout my highschool years, no girls were willing to spend time with me, as soon as I say hi the nice one would return my greeting and move on with the conversation lasting no more than 30 seconds before they fled (figuratively speaking), the mean one were not even bothered to respond but walked away instantly and i can tell that i m being seen as inferior. I might be wrong though. My friends almost always ended up with someone even just a night stand and i m left wondering what went wrong.

Now people may say you need to be proactive in pursuing girls and not let any chance slip through, you just have to approach them and talk, anything would do. This is where I think I haven't done wrong. Also I do understand to respect boundaries and not appearing to be desperate and pushy although deep down sometimes I am burning with fire; nevertheless, how can a guy who has never date find the right balance? Please don't compare me to regular men who are regularly having his needs met because if you have all you need you would never be desperate, most likely you'd take it for granted; therefore I am desperate i admit it. AM a guy in his mid 20s what else can he expect? Of course there are many things to do to temporarily take my mind off these negative sentiment but not being able to have a someone or worst having a sex life is truly disheartening. Especially when you don't know what went wrong. the loneliness is unbearable!! It all got worse on the day when i see guys taking their gals dressed up provocatively in tight short on scooters. Built up testosterone + gals with hotpants = the Worse thing a man has to endure.

Please Don't recommend me dating sites. I had already spent a fortune on dating sites without the desired effect. For example, paid a tenth of monthly wages to upgrade to premium membership but still no body would respond to my text and if they do say "hi/hey" they either blocked or ignore me from their profile soon enough. :( i m not an ass by the way.

I hope this is not an offensive thread. Sorry I can't explain the whole thing without explicitly describing it. If you're offended or sensitive please forgive me for my unintentional sin. i m genuine. Hoping there's someone, preferably also an ABC (doesn't matter if you are not one) who's been there in similar situation can help me unveil this strange phenomenon because as much as I don't like to pull the race card and cause unnecessary tension among us I think race is the deal breaker. Or simply my background is putting me at a distinct disadvantage. I know from experience that Asian males are considered unattractive in the western eyes and the stereotype associated with being a china man are all too apparent. What about here? In Asia, it can't be the same thing, isn't it? How do the local guys get women? do i honestly have to get a heavily modified scooter to be cool? How? Is it different criteria with same high standard that's difficult/impossible to match? Advice on how you overcome the problems would be appreciated but not things like dress up accordingly, be positive, use deodorant, right timing, be nice, just talk to them, etc. such common tips is no use at all. I need some insight on this one please and thanks for reading.
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby impiner » 17 Jul 2016, 13:40

Hi, there!
I am here replying your post not because I think I can give you a decent advise of how to have a date or a long-term relationship, and btw I am not an ABC, so forgive my English skill. If you don't mind, we could have conversations through email or fb cuz I don't want to explore my poor English skill on the site. My email is pchen11@masonlive.gmu.edu
I'm a Taiwanese girl who study in the US for one and half year so far and I realized I more like western culture but not fully familiar yet. So when I back to Taiwan for the summer break, I kinda have some complicated feeling and thought, maybe it's like what you are experiencing now. If you like, we could talk through email or whatever way is properly. See you soon.

Camille
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby Purple Heart » 17 Jul 2016, 18:41

You're trying too hard and are probably coming across as desperate (which you admit you are).

Take a step back and try to look at your happiness like a hierarhcy.

Step 1, do you have a good and secure place to live?
Step 2, are you in a decent job/education path right now?
Step 3, do you have varied and interesting hobbies that you actively participate in?
Step 4, do you have any friends in your area? (Step 2 can help with this)

Then finally when you have your shit together, can you think about Step 5 and meeting a girl.

You're placing your entire happiness in the fate of women, which is wrong. I am married now but that doesn't mean that I stopped having hobbies, friends etc, because meeting a girl isn't the be all and end all.
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby Andrew0409 » 17 Jul 2016, 21:05

If you are serious about learning the game, PM me. I went from not being able to talk to a single girl so at least you are at a better point than before to dating models that you would see on posters around the city. I could take you out one night with my girl and you show me and her what you do and we can help you. She receives like a ridiculous amount of messages a day from random guys she block lol. We would often look over them and kinda laugh on what they did was wrong. We go out and see guys fail all the time and always kind of know why. It's kinda like something we do for fun when we go out.
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby Gryphon » 17 Jul 2016, 22:31

I agree with Purple Heart. Desperation is negative. It has the exact opposite effect of confidence. Desperation repels women. That is what is wrong with you. Furthermore, your desperation makes you sound obsessed with getting into a relationship. If you can't overcome your desperation, once in a relationship, you may become controlling and codependent because fear of losing the relationship will take over. And believe me, it doesn't feel good to be in that kind of relationship. Stop focusing so hard on "getting a girl". Focus on your hobbies. Join clubs related to your hobbies. You will meet new people. You may even find the love of your life. But for the love of all that is right and holy, don't try to pick up girls if you are currently desperate.
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby headhonchoII » 17 Jul 2016, 22:35

He could also have a giant wart on the end of his nose and fondness for oversized horn rimmed glasses. Or it could be body odour.
Sometimes you got to give people the straight answer. I once had a first and only date with a hot French chick whose breath STANK of garlic. That shit can work in France or Taiwan but not where I"m from. Game over. :ohreally:

Only kidding with ya OP..but seriously you need to work all the angle get somebody to help ya out with a makeover.
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby tommy525 » 18 Jul 2016, 00:09

Girls are like cats, let them come to YOU.
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby RickRooney » 18 Jul 2016, 00:17

agree with andrew, think you need to learn game or how to be a pickup artist or something like that. although I think those guys are pretty lame and have a ton of issues, it seems good for people who are completely useless with women to at least learn some basics.

I don't think you are going to get much help from here. seems you need specific attention.
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby abovik » 18 Jul 2016, 00:28

Proactive is right but it's about in life. Got anything that they may find interest or want to join you? But in TW I thought it is easy if you have a car :roflmao: No offence but your entire message do appear kind of disciplined hence giving me the image that you are a stern person.

I've never really had problem talking to girls here. It's all casual. They'll usually ask all things about your country and small talk follows from there. But with pyscho xiaojies :fume: that's another story and you'll find that on another message board on the forum.
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Re: Here is my story and I need honest feedbacks

Postby Andrew0409 » 18 Jul 2016, 08:06

RickRooney wrote:agree with andrew, think you need to learn game or how to be a pickup artist or something like that. although I think those guys are pretty lame and have a ton of issues, it seems good for people who are completely useless with women to at least learn some basics.

I don't think you are going to get much help from here. seems you need specific attention.


I'm not by any means a pick up artist, and I'm not going to teach you just so you can go out and pick up women and get laid. What I'm offering is how to be a better man that will attract not just women, but people around you. If you to make a change in your life, I'm willing to help. It's really hard to help you without seeing you and what you do in real life. And I don't have time to write a novel on it.
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