money money money...

A non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues

Moderators: Tempo Gain, NonTocareLeTete

Forum rules
The Dating and Relationship Forum is a non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues, including: love, romance, sex, communications, familial relationships, cultural issues, activities for couples, psychology, marriage, dating (i.e. "how to meet")

Please don't post personal ads here. They will be removed. Offensive posts will also be removed at the discretion of the moderators, including lewdness, excessive profanity, pornographic pictures, nasty and mean-spirited comments

If a post is moved to the Temporary Forum or edited, this is probably because the post is either off topic or violates one of the "general etiquette" rules. We'd like to keep this forum as open and friendly as possible - please keep these things in mind when posting. Thank you for your cooperation

money money money...

Postby Shearersheed » 08 Sep 2009, 00:08

edit
Howay the lads!!!!!
Forumosan avatar
Shearersheed
Chair-throwing Legislator (rēng yǐzi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
Chair-throwing Legislator (rēng yǐzi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
 
Posts: 307
ORIGINAL POSTER
Joined: 18 Apr 2009, 05:57
Location: Taipei



Re: money money money...

Postby nemesis » 08 Sep 2009, 01:09

Okay, I'm speaking strictly as a foreign woman here, but it sounds to me like she's showing you her true colours. It seems to me you have two choices:

1.) Let her call the shots re. your money (not recommended, but will no doubt satisfy her).

2.) Tell her that the topic of money is off-limits, for the health of your relationship. (Although if you plan for the relationship to progress to marriage and whatnot, this might be a bad idea. Deal with it now, if that's the case.)

3.) Figure out exactly what's bothering her about your spending your money and get to the bottom of the issue. She clearly has some insecurity, and she's manifesting it this way. IMHO, if she's doing this as your gf, it will only get worse. My Taiwanese friends (male and female alike) say that Taiwanese women are very controlling when it comes to money. Strictly secondhand info, that.

4.) Compromise on a set of guidelines and goals, managing your money and hers as a solid unit. (This means you will both have input as to how both sets of money are spent.)

I am unsure where you are in this relationship. If it's serious, the money thing needs to be dealt with. If it's a simple dating relationship, she has no right to be questioning or interfering with how or why you spend your money. Personally, it would bother me a great deal, and just reading your post set off alarm bells. That being said, my husband had issues with how I spent my money when we were dating as well, so I guess I can't talk... :oops:

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Mahatma Gandhi
Forumosan avatar
nemesis
Betelnut Beauty (bīnglang Xī Shī)
Betelnut Beauty (bīnglang Xī Shī)
 
Posts: 1556
Joined: 24 Jun 2002, 16:01
Location: Hsinchu
11 Recommends(s)
4 Recognized(s)



Re: money money money...

Postby ice raven » 08 Sep 2009, 01:29

My experience seems to be that "The wife stays home and does all the cooking and cleaning and baby-keeping and housework, and the husband brings home the money." My wife has absolutely no interest in seeking a better paid job, going to university to upskill herself, or find any way to make money on the side.

I try to keep a tight fist on the money and only pay for things that are necessary and/or have a show at turning a profit. She's stopped asking for money for birthdays and hong baos and making mistakes at work, and I force her to cough up a heap of her wage to pay for the baby sitter. I control most of the money. I invest what I can spare.

But from what I've gathered, most men here just hand over their paycheck to their wife and she takes care of stuff. When the men want something, their wife buys it for them.

I'd suggest you have an argument with her. "Want more money? Get a (better) job!" "It's my money, and I'll do what I want with it." "Do you have some investments in mind? I'm all ears." Clear the air, and sort out where you stand and where she stands, and how you both think about things. Then you can start looking at solutions. I'd say there are some deep cultural as well as personal issues here, so I'd try to bring it into the open and discuss things.

I'm not saying that's the right thing to do, or wise, just what I'd do.
ice raven
High School Triad Member (gāozhōng liúmáng)
High School Triad Member (gāozhōng liúmáng)
 
Posts: 562
Joined: 05 Mar 2009, 16:03
3 Recognized(s)



Re: money money money...

Postby Shearersheed » 08 Sep 2009, 02:12

edit
Howay the lads!!!!!
Forumosan avatar
Shearersheed
Chair-throwing Legislator (rēng yǐzi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
Chair-throwing Legislator (rēng yǐzi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
 
Posts: 307
ORIGINAL POSTER
Joined: 18 Apr 2009, 05:57
Location: Taipei



Re: money money money...

Postby Satellite TV » 08 Sep 2009, 02:29

Shearersheed wrote:how come girls from Taiwan seem more concerned about money, and how much money you have or in some cases have not, than girls from the uk. my girlfriend has just threatened to break up with me because apparently we don't share the same idea of money I don't get what I am doing wrong.

this all started when I went on a lads holiday to Amsterdam and spent a small fortune. now the problem seems to be escalating all the time money is mentioned how can this be fixed, can anyone offer me any help as I love this girl so much and don't want to lose her at all.


You shoulda thugt of dat before you spint a smal foh tune on a lads trip to Amsterdam where de only piple losing all dez $$$$ is on hoes and drugs.
It's such a pleasure living in a world where everyone is in such a hurry to be outraged over someone else’s trivial comments
Forumosan avatar
Satellite TV
Entering Second Childhood (èrdù tóngnián qī)
Entering Second Childhood (èrdù tóngnián qī)
 
Posts: 7071
Joined: 18 Jun 2004, 11:10



Re: money money money...

Postby ice raven » 08 Sep 2009, 02:39

So, does she know more about money than you do? Can you talk to her about the price of gold, forex trading, house prices, and stock markets?

And how much money does she have anyway? How much has she saved? What's she doing with it, is that smart? How does she feel about pre-nups? If she's getting into the personal questions, you've got every right to ask them back.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-her. Maybe she would be better at looking after your money than you are. If I were you, I'd find out before deciding...
ice raven
High School Triad Member (gāozhōng liúmáng)
High School Triad Member (gāozhōng liúmáng)
 
Posts: 562
Joined: 05 Mar 2009, 16:03
3 Recognized(s)



Re: money money money...

Postby Satellite TV » 08 Sep 2009, 02:41

Shearersheed wrote:She mentioned a while ago about having all my money in her bank account,

She told me this is what all Taiwanese girls do with there husbands.

I now think she gets the impression I am really bad at controlling money.


:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

Bullfaeces. I have never once handed all my money over to my ( not even ) wife just because she says all Taiwan Husbands do that. You aint even married yet... oh deary me. What a crock of shit that is and if you believe that all the money goes to the wife... then you my son need some serious lessons in life.

This is just a pure power play. You gonna be tied up by the short and curlies so hard you'll never even be able to get it up again. Your misery is just beginning. First it will be money, then she will tell you who your friends can be, then when and where you can go out, and when to be at home and when to viist the in laws. Man you in for rude shocking life if you don't get a hold of yourself right now.

Love is blind.... and you but all been blinded and you not got near married. ou best think about what Love is and what servitude to love is. You aint in love you in a pickle.

You better learn first that a man in Taiwan controls his wife not the other way around... it's Chinese Culture... 5000 years of it.


IF YOU DO NOT LEARN YOUR NEW FORUMOSA NAME WILL THE RANTHEMAN.... LOOK HIM UP
It's such a pleasure living in a world where everyone is in such a hurry to be outraged over someone else’s trivial comments
Forumosan avatar
Satellite TV
Entering Second Childhood (èrdù tóngnián qī)
Entering Second Childhood (èrdù tóngnián qī)
 
Posts: 7071
Joined: 18 Jun 2004, 11:10



Re: money money money...

Postby Shearersheed » 08 Sep 2009, 03:15

[*]
Satellite TV wrote:
Shearersheed wrote:She mentioned a while ago about having all my money in her bank account,

She told me this is what all Taiwanese girls do with there husbands.

I now think she gets the impression I am really bad at controlling money.


:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

Bullfaeces. I have never once handed all my money over to my ( not even ) wife just because she says all Taiwan Husbands do that. You aint even married yet... oh deary me. What a crock of shit that is and if you believe that all the money goes to the wife... then you my son need some serious lessons in life.

This is just a pure power play. You gonna be tied up by the short and curlies so hard you'll never even be able to get it up again. Your misery is just beginning. First it will be money, then she will tell you who your friends can be, then when and where you can go out, and when to be at home and when to viist the in laws. Man you in for rude shocking life if you don't get a hold of yourself right now.

Love is blind.... and you but all been blinded and you not got near married. ou best think about what Love is and what servitude to love is. You aint in love you in a pickle.

You better learn first that a man in Taiwan controls his wife not the other way around... it's Chinese Culture... 5000 years of it.


IF YOU DO NOT LEARN YOUR NEW FORUMOSA NAME WILL THE RANTHEMAN.... LOOK HIM UP



I didn't agree to her putting all my money into her account, and to be honest I thought the same about the idea as you just clearly thought. I don't mind having a shared bank account after we have been together for like 40 years or whatever but not just handing her my money because she thinks I am shit at controlling it.

and I will look him up. ha
Howay the lads!!!!!
Forumosan avatar
Shearersheed
Chair-throwing Legislator (rēng yǐzi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
Chair-throwing Legislator (rēng yǐzi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
 
Posts: 307
ORIGINAL POSTER
Joined: 18 Apr 2009, 05:57
Location: Taipei



Re: money money money...

Postby Shearersheed » 08 Sep 2009, 03:19

nemesis wrote:Okay, I'm speaking strictly as a foreign woman here, but it sounds to me like she's showing you her true colours. It seems to me you have two choices:

1.) Let her call the shots re. your money (not recommended, but will no doubt satisfy her).

2.) Tell her that the topic of money is off-limits, for the health of your relationship. (Although if you plan for the relationship to progress to marriage and whatnot, this might be a bad idea. Deal with it now, if that's the case.)

3.) Figure out exactly what's bothering her about your spending your money and get to the bottom of the issue. She clearly has some insecurity, and she's manifesting it this way. IMHO, if she's doing this as your gf, it will only get worse. My Taiwanese friends (male and female alike) say that Taiwanese women are very controlling when it comes to money. Strictly secondhand info, that.

4.) Compromise on a set of guidelines and goals, managing your money and hers as a solid unit. (This means you will both have input as to how both sets of money are spent.)

I am unsure where you are in this relationship. If it's serious, the money thing needs to be dealt with. If it's a simple dating relationship, she has no right to be questioning or interfering with how or why you spend your money. Personally, it would bother me a great deal, and just reading your post set off alarm bells. That being said, my husband had issues with how I spent my money when we were dating as well, so I guess I can't talk... :oops:

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.


I think a part of what you say in point number 3 is correct, she is worried that I wont have any money to go there and get an apartment things like. It is the way she tries to tell me I really do think she is worried that I will be under a lot of stress when I go there and all that kind of thing.
Howay the lads!!!!!
Forumosan avatar
Shearersheed
Chair-throwing Legislator (rēng yǐzi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
Chair-throwing Legislator (rēng yǐzi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
 
Posts: 307
ORIGINAL POSTER
Joined: 18 Apr 2009, 05:57
Location: Taipei



Re: money money money...

Postby Anubis » 08 Sep 2009, 06:03

I honestly don't think you need us to tell you what to do, and not to do, with your money. Hand it over, all of it; hand over a percentage; have a shared bank account in which each party pays a percentage of their salary; or R U N. Up to you. Common sense will prevail, I hope. :thumbsup:
Sekhem Em Pet

Taiwan UP
Forumosan avatar
Anubis
Fried Chicken-Parts Vendor (yán sū jī xiǎofàn)
Fried Chicken-Parts Vendor (yán sū jī xiǎofàn)
 
Posts: 974
Joined: 17 Jan 2007, 11:31
Location: Cynopolis
2 Recommends(s)
1 Recognized(s)



FRIENDLY REMINDER
   Please remember that Forumosa is not responsible for the content that appears on the other side of links that Forumosans post on our forums. As a discussion website, we encourage open and frank debate. We have learned that the most effective way to address questionable claims or accusations on Forumosa is by engaging in a sincere and constructive conversation. To make this website work, we must all feel safe in expressing our opinions, this also means backing up any claims with hard facts, including links to other websites.
   Please also remember that one should not believe everything one reads on the Internet, particularly from websites whose content cannot be easily verified or substantiated. Use your common sense and do not hesitate to ask for proof.
Next




Proceed to Dating & Relationships



Who is online

Forumosans browsing this forum: No Forumosans and 5 visitors

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time -- MARK TWAIN