Sanctuary being torn down. We need your help!!! - click here for details
You can also visit TheSanctuaryTaiwan.org - click here to go to their contact page

money money money...

A non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues

Moderator: NonTocareLeTete

Forum rules
The Dating and Relationship Forum is a non-threatening place for individuals and couples living in Taiwan to discuss dating and relationship issues, including: love, romance, sex, communications, familial relationships, cultural issues, activities for couples, psychology, marriage, dating (i.e. "how to meet")

Please don't post personal ads here. They will be removed. Offensive posts will also be removed at the discretion of the moderators, including lewdness, excessive profanity, pornographic pictures, nasty and mean-spirited comments

If a post is moved to the Temporary Forum or edited, this is probably because the post is either off topic or violates one of the "general etiquette" rules. We'd like to keep this forum as open and friendly as possible - please keep these things in mind when posting. Thank you for your cooperation

Re: money money money...

Postby Mucha Man » 15 Sep 2009, 16:37

damafen wrote:A bit more what I learned when the dowry issue arose:

I raised the obvious concerns/objections. She dismissed them in our discussion but did, to her credit, discuss them with her family. Their position was that this was part of their tradition (within their family) and that the other son-in-laws (Taiwanese) had paid. It was not about them receiving money but demonstrating my ability to provide and care for their daughter, and about demonstrating my commitment to the relationship. It was also noted that we would receive more back than that amount. And though we never got married for other reasons, her parents did buy her a house free and clear last year when we were still trying to resolve our problems.

They are very traditional - refused to meet me for years. That said, they did agree with the multi-cultural marriage argument. They proposed the engagement-side be by Taiwanese custom and the wedding could be as western as we wanted. They wanted my parents to be at both and proposed doing the engagement ceremony/banquet one weekend and the wedding the next.

I do know a few of folks who paid the dowry. Some received more back in kind at/after marriage, some the money was 'given to the bride' by her parents rather than 'returned', and one it was his inlaw's retirement plan as they had no sons. From what I have heard, the first two seem more common these days when the issue arises - it is about you having the money, not necessarily about them keeping it.


Plenty keep it but if this was simply a ritual designed to benefit you guys as a couple then there isn't much to complain about. Sounds liek the family is preserving tradition but adapting to modern times. Nothing wrong with that and it sounds good that were willing to agree to a mix of traditions for the wedding.
“Everywhere else in the world is also really old” said Prof. Liu, a renowned historian at Beijing University. “We always learn that China has 5000 years of cultural heritage, and that therefore we are very special. It appears that other places also have some of this heritage stuff. And are also old. Like, really old.”

http://hikingintaiwan.blogspot.com/
Forumosan avatar
Mucha Man
Guan Yin (Guānyīn)
 
Posts: 18511
Joined: 01 Nov 2001, 17:01
Location: Mucha, of course
771 Recognized(s)



Re: money money money...

Postby itakitez » 15 Sep 2009, 16:55

dowry, ive hear dof token dowry giving being relatively norm, but if you really want to skip all this shit, just get her pregnant and she has to marry you and the demands fall away
[during the earthquake] all the violent back-and-forth swaying led me to sinful contemplation of wild and lustful acts of fornication

Almas John 03.04.10
Forumosan avatar
itakitez
Chinese Class Dropout (Zhōngwén kè zhōngchuòshēng)
Chinese Class Dropout (Zhōngwén kè zhōngchuòshēng)
 
Posts: 743
Joined: 28 Dec 2006, 13:38
Location: sunny daze



Re: money money money...

Postby ceevee369 » 15 Sep 2009, 21:45

itakitez wrote:... if you really want to skip all this shit, just get her pregnant and she has to marry you and the demands fall away



THAT Sir, is the most imature response found on Forumosa in a LONG time :no-no:
Forumosan avatar
ceevee369
Lost Winning Lotto Ticket (zhòngjiǎng cǎiquàn nòngdiū le)
Lost Winning Lotto Ticket (zhòngjiǎng cǎiquàn nòngdiū le)
 
Posts: 2950
Joined: 27 Feb 2005, 16:27
Location: Linkou Heights
50 Recommends(s)
27 Recognized(s)



Re: money money money...

Postby Satellite TV » 15 Sep 2009, 23:34

Muzha Man wrote:They are very traditional - refused to meet me for years. .



Yes thats really traditional...... NOT
It's such a pleasure living in a world where everyone is in such a hurry to be outraged over someone else’s trivial comments
Forumosan avatar
Satellite TV
Entering Second Childhood (èrdù tóngnián qī)
Entering Second Childhood (èrdù tóngnián qī)
 
Posts: 7071
Joined: 18 Jun 2004, 11:10



Re: money money money...

Postby Mucha Man » 15 Sep 2009, 23:37

Satellite TV wrote:
Muzha Man wrote:They are very traditional - refused to meet me for years. .



Yes thats really traditional...... NOT


Why are you quoting me? I didn't write that.
“Everywhere else in the world is also really old” said Prof. Liu, a renowned historian at Beijing University. “We always learn that China has 5000 years of cultural heritage, and that therefore we are very special. It appears that other places also have some of this heritage stuff. And are also old. Like, really old.”

http://hikingintaiwan.blogspot.com/
Forumosan avatar
Mucha Man
Guan Yin (Guānyīn)
 
Posts: 18511
Joined: 01 Nov 2001, 17:01
Location: Mucha, of course
771 Recognized(s)



Re: money money money...

Postby kdk » 16 Sep 2009, 03:06

itakitez wrote:dowry, ive hear dof token dowry giving being relatively norm, but if you really want to skip all this shit, just get her pregnant and she has to marry you and the demands fall away


wow shooting from the hips...that might be a weapon of last resort :D
http://www.taiwantrek.com Weekly R.Saunders Yushan Article updated
Forumosan avatar
kdk
Shoe-wielding Legislator (huīwǔ xiézi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
Shoe-wielding Legislator (huīwǔ xiézi de lìfǎ wěiyuán)
 
Posts: 202
Joined: 09 Dec 2008, 11:47



Re: money money money...

Postby Mr He » 16 Sep 2009, 07:50

My marriage experience includes one who wanted to manage money, and one who does not.

After nearly 8 years of marriage my ex. wife's family asked for a dowry, I told them that I wanted to see an improvement in their daughters attitude, and also a lot more support from them and her, if not I would reserve the right to return their daughter for a full refund.

All that was said with a smile, however the content was clear, and their daughter was returned anyways 5 months later, with the concerns brought up by me playing a not minor role.

Such demands might be custom somewhere, but not everywhere. In my so's family second brother and his gf came home one day and announced that they got married a week before (this was well before I entered the picture). In that kind of environment, the demand for a dowry would have been met with scorn, not just by me but also by the missus as well.

Note however that we married well after the birth of our son, so things were not exactly conventional from the getgo. We were engaged for a very long time though, so they were overall OK with things I think.

We still bicker over money, though.
Jeg er hvad jeg er.

Bring Zain back!
Mr He
Bodhisattva (pútísàduǒ)
Bodhisattva (pútísàduǒ)
 
Posts: 9859
Joined: 31 Oct 2000, 17:01
Location: Near the tower of doom
57 Recommends(s)
84 Recognized(s)



Re: money money money...

Postby Satellite TV » 17 Sep 2009, 02:15

Muzha Man wrote:
Satellite TV wrote:
Muzha Man wrote:They are very traditional - refused to meet me for years. .



Yes thats really traditional...... NOT


Why are you quoting me? I didn't write that.


I blame it on the quote functions.. also my keyboard gets a bit dyslexic at times.... usually when it has had too much to drink, or is up till the wee hours of the morning and exhaustion is setting in.
It's such a pleasure living in a world where everyone is in such a hurry to be outraged over someone else’s trivial comments
Forumosan avatar
Satellite TV
Entering Second Childhood (èrdù tóngnián qī)
Entering Second Childhood (èrdù tóngnián qī)
 
Posts: 7071
Joined: 18 Jun 2004, 11:10



Re: money money money...

Postby Icon » 21 Sep 2009, 14:21

For your persual, there was this MSN article about financial rules before moving in together. Kinda average, but doe shold a couple of gems:

The good news for live-in lovers is that research has shown they tend to divide chores in a more egalitarian, less gender-based way than do married couples. So you've got that going for you. The bad news is that chores are a proxy for everything that is wrong about a relationship, so it is vital that this bomb be defused at the start.
....

A cleaning lady is lots cheaper than couples counseling.


Then there's the "Develop a breakup plan in advance..." section. :roflmao: Yeah, I know, not funny. http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/5-financial-rules-for-shacking-up.aspx?gt1=33006#pageTopAchor
"Lo urgente no deja tiempo para lo importante". Mafalda

"Nice guy? Who gives a shit? If you want to work here, close."
Forumosan avatar
Icon
Maitreya Buddha (Mílèfó)
 
Posts: 14903
Joined: 09 Feb 2006, 18:03
Location: Xindian
657 Recommends(s)
525 Recognized(s)



Re: money money money...

Postby nazmikarakoc » 28 Oct 2009, 11:39

My ex girlfriend was asking for money and gifts and i caught her cheating on me, my wife now hands over her salary to me so i can invest for our future and she wants us to buy a house.

I don't accept her salary since she needs to have a savings too but she takes care of the bills and tells me to save my salary for investment.

I sometimes pay the credit card and sometimes the rent.

I think you should make sure what is the real reason after her being too bossy. I have this crazy idea of spending the savings on a brand new car (which I don't need) and a heavy moto (which will kill me on the road most likely) but I am trying to hold myself and buy the house first.
Forumosan avatar
nazmikarakoc
Newspaper Copyeditor (bàoshè biānjí)
Newspaper Copyeditor (bàoshè biānjí)
 
Posts: 437
Joined: 06 May 2009, 09:20



FRIENDLY REMINDER
   Please remember that Forumosa is not responsible for the content that appears on the other side of links that Forumosans post on our forums. As a discussion website, we encourage open and frank debate. We have learned that the most effective way to address questionable claims or accusations on Forumosa is by engaging in a sincere and constructive conversation. To make this website work, we must all feel safe in expressing our opinions, this also means backing up any claims with hard facts, including links to other websites.
   Please also remember that one should not believe everything one reads on the Internet, particularly from websites whose content cannot be easily verified or substantiated. Use your common sense and do not hesitate to ask for proof.
PreviousNext




Proceed to Dating & Relationships



Who is online

Forumosans browsing this forum: No Forumosans and 3 visitors

Time goes, you say? Ah no!
Alas, Time stays, we go.
-- HENRY AUSTIN DOBSON