riggers wrote:Hi, thanks for the replies. I think it needs clarifying that I would not consider moving there to please the mother in law in any way. I would consider moving there for my GF. Our life is cool here, but can be safely put on hold to try Taiwan , if it went tits up we could return, i could get my job back. My house i can rent out.
Looks ok, on paper...
As long as you wont be giving up everything without a hope of getting back where you left off, it may be worth a go. However...
riggers wrote:There are opportunities in Taiwan for us that we don't have here. My gf could get a better job there than here. So its not all sacrifice to go there.
She might, but what would you be doing? Teaching English? That gets old quick and there's not that much money to be made anymore. Without knowing all your details, my feeling is you would be sacrificing your career for a nominal improvement in hers (If any at all, at least financially, because Taiwanese girls who studied abroad are fairly common here and they don't do as well as you'd think - I work with several Taiwanese who studied up to masters and doctoral level in the UK or North America and they earn less than I do and my salary is by no means stellar. In fact, financially, I would've been much better off if I'd stayed in the SA Navy...), whereas she would probably be able to do just fine in the UK, and in time might do much better than she could ever hope to do here.
Furthermore, if you do move back here with her, what would the goal be? How long would you stay (even if things with her family improve)? Because if she's that keen on coming back here, once back you're going to have a devil of a time convincing her to return to the UK.
Here are two threads that might be interesting to you and that I suggest you peruse. Their stories aren't unique, by a long shot, but they're two good ones I can remember. Have a gander and make sure you know what you may be getting yourself into:How is my son going to be, growing up in Taiwan without me ?MrsHill. Too much info. Break-up.
Ironically, both OPs are from the UK...
riggers wrote:I was really wondering, would there attitude change if we did go there.
Attitude change from whom? Her or her parents?
Depending on her relationship with her parents, regardless of the status of your relationship (married or not) there is a very real chance that her attitude may change. And I suspect it wont be for the better. From personal experience I've gotten the distinct impression that guys who have met their Taiwanese wives in Taiwan have had a much higher success rate thatn the poor sods who met them in their home countries and followed them to Taiwan. This is, of course, a feeling based on nothing but what I've read here over the years, and from what I've experienced personally and with friends on this island. There are guys here who met their Taiwanese wives abroad and followed them here and been very happy, as well as guys who met their wives here only to get divorced and face huge difficulties regarding settlements and/or children. However, it has been my personal experience that guys who have met their wives abroad (studying or working) in their home countries and followed them here have usually had their expectations dashed, their hearts ripped out and their dignity trashed.
I don't know you or your girlfriend and there's no knowing what will happen, but I'd hate to be reading a thread by you in a few years time similiar to the two I posted above.
As far as her parents are concerned, here or back in the UK, I don't think their attitude towards you will improve much, if at all. Again, I have experienced some cases where the in-laws have come around after initial misgivings, but that has been the very small minority in terms of exceptions to the general rule of it only getting worse, married or not. As one poster above noted, their is a very real chance that her parents will flaunt possible suitors they deem appropriate right in front of you with no thought as to how you may feel about it. I remember a poster on this board mentioning that happening to him on several occasions even after he had married his Taiwanese girlfriend and fathered a child with her.
riggers wrote:My GF does want to go there.
Sure, but will she ever want to return once you guys have come to Taiwan? Will it really only be for a few years?
Personally (and this is really just my personal feeling, nothing else) I get a very bad feeling about all of this. I can't honestly see it turning out well for you in any way or form. That said, I could be wrong.
If you are hell bent on accommodating her and coming out here with her I'd advise this: Hope for the best, but expect nothing and plan for the worst possible outcome. Make sure that whatever happens you are protected and can return home and continue your life where you left off. A little wiser, perhaps, but none the worse for wear.
And if there is ever any talk of children, make it clear that if the relationship is to go that way your agreement should be to return to the UK before any children are included in the relationship.
A break up, or a divorce is peanuts compared to a divorce with kids where you are muscled out of all and any rights and forced to leave the country without any hope of ever seeing your child again. Sure, this may seem far fetched now, but if you are serious enough to uproot yourself from your home and your career to follow a woman half way around the world, you at least want to give these possible scenarios some consideration.
Whatever you decide, or whatever happens, I wish you all the best. I know some of us (me included) may come off as a cynical bunch, but we've seen these things happen way to many times. It's even happened to a few of us. Keep your wits about you, mate, and best of luck.