dating advice for white girls?

[channamasala]

I wrote an entire blog post about this: http://laorencha.blogspot.com/2011/04/dating-advice-for-expat-women-from.html

A lot of people liked it. It got tweeted and such. Some people didn't like it. They can go screw themselves

(Although I admit I am not the optimal person to give advice, because within six months of moving to Taipei, I was in a relationship with a guy I met in college and had stayed friends with, and we're now married. So my experience is limited).

All seems like good advice, especially the part about not acting cynical and jaded. I think in a few more months I'll have attempted to contact nearly every western woman with an online presence in Taiwan. Have to admit that 1/2 or more of the women I've contacted didn't even write back. I've said before that western women need to be more open to the western guys that are trying. For those who want to be cheeky or assy, the women who didn't write back never even saw a picture of me, so it isn't about attraction.

Thank you!

Of course, that advice needs to apply to both genders: women don't want a man who acts all cynical and jaded, either. In men in Asia that tends to come across as "ugh those horrible Western women!" and it's just as unattractive. Both genders just need to try to be nice, normal decent people. I think most people do that, and a few idiots kind of ruin it and give everyone a bad impression. I married a Western guy who was living in Asia - of course I'd known him from way back - so clearly they're not all bad. I would have dated a Taiwanese guy if I'd met one I wanted to date in the brief period when I was single. There are some fine ones out there.

1st, your blog was an interesting read and thank you for writing that. And also, thank you for not knocking local guys and suggesting to others to keep the option open as there are quite a bit of good ones out there. I am sort of an ABC, both Western and local as I lived in Taiwan for 8 yrs before I skadaddled to the States. I'm just curious to find out what the dating scene will be like for me haha

How could I knock the local guys? Some of 'em are pretty cute! Some are even hot! They tend to be taller and bulkier than the guys in China and Japan so more attractive in my opinion (as I am Eastern European genetically and I look it, and I feel huge next to slight men). Besides, I have some Taiwanese male friends, some of whom are guys I'd recommend to Western girls as good men to date (not too traditional, respect women, have a body that would not be considered too slender/slight for Western women, outgoing, intelligent, nice guys with Western enough outlooks on life). Knocking the local guys would be knocking them, and I won't do that.

[tash]

I wrote an entire blog post about this: http://laorencha.blogspot.com/2011/04/dating-advice-for-expat-women-from.html

A lot of people liked it. It got tweeted and such. Some people didn't like it. They can go screw themselves

(Although I admit I am not the optimal person to give advice, because within six months of moving to Taipei, I was in a relationship with a guy I met in college and had stayed friends with, and we're now married. So my experience is limited).

I like your article and agree with everything after point 1. The first point I don't like at all. Especially since if you follow advice in the rest of the post, you're very likely to have success. It contradicts the rest and sets a negative tone in the beginning. I almost didn't read it.

Just so you don't dismiss me as one of those women who are an exception to the rule - I'm not. Like you, I only had a very brief period of dating in Taiwan.

I'll keep on reading your blog. It's interesting

[bismarck]

I read the blog post and first followed some of the links in the intro (mostly I was looking for the verboten one - "I just feel that while the Intertubes are filled with floofy articles on expat women and dating – like this one and this one (and one blog post so offensive that despite it coming up fairly high in search results, I won’t link to it) - this one is pretty good though. Few have anything constructive to say." - C'mon, pm me a link, I googled and don't think I did it right.).

I ended up liking the blog post, mostly because it was positive, constructive, fair and didn't follow the obvious pattern of all the other blog/article posts:
Western women in Asia (with whichever type of male) = throwing a dog a bone (Asian males)/lowering their standards/single
Western men in Asia (usually with stereotypical Asian women) = Yellow Fever sufferers/sexual predators/dirty/couldn't get laid at home

Channamasala, Your blog post was refreshingly different and should be a must read for any female thinking of moving to Asia, or even any man, for that matter.

[channamasala]

tash - I've been thinking about editing that first point from a tone of "accept that you probably won't date much" to "accept that you MIGHT not date much or might have fewer opportunities overall" - and putting it at the end rather than the beginning to de-emphasize it. I haven't gotten around to doing that yet, though.

bismarck - thanks! The post I found offensive enough not to link to was full of the standard "lower your standards" advice - basically saying "if all you can get is a loser/slob, then take it and stop being so picky" and "step up your game/lose some weight, you're competing with Asian babes after all". Ugh. I forget the name of the blog - Legal Nomad or Wandering Lawyer or Nomad Law or something - but it's by some expat lawyer. I can't even be bothered to go back and find it.

[bismarck]

bismarck - thanks! The post I found offensive enough not to link to was full of the standard "lower your standards" advice - basically saying "if all you can get is a loser/slob, then take it and stop being so picky" and "step up your game/lose some weight, you're competing with Asian babes after all". Ugh. I forget the name of the blog - Legal Nomad or Wandering Lawyer or Nomad Law or something - but it's by some expat lawyer. I can't even be bothered to go back and find it.

Meh. Sounds droll. No worries.

[Gao Bohan]

I can't even count the numbers of threads where female posters have derided Taiwanese men as nerdy girly momma's boys. It's little mystery to me why Western girls have trouble dating in Taiwan. Honestly, what advice can possibly be offered to ladies not interested in virtually the entire male population of the island?

[channamasala]

I can't even count the numbers of threads where female posters have derided Taiwanese men as nerdy girly momma's boys. It's little mystery to me why Western girls have trouble dating in Taiwan. Honestly, what advice can possibly be offered to ladies not interested in virtually the entire male population of the island?

I don't come here often (for someone who runs a reasonably successful blog, I'm surprisingly unconnected to the expat community) so I haven't seen such threads. BUT.

Well. SOME Taiwanese men are nerdy girly momma's boys, and some of them work such long hours that they're never around, and some have remarkably outdated notions of gender roles.

But so many of them don't. My Taiwanese male friends don't. You can't judge an entire demographic by a few who do fit the stereotype.

And for every dorky Taiwanese momma's boy there's an equally infuriating man-child or horrible boor back home...but that doesn't mean all the guys back home are bad, or even most of them. A few bad eggs give everyone a bad name, and that's no good for anyone.

I will say I am happy to see very little in the way of denigrating foreign women in threads in this subforum. The last time I logged in there was more than one. It was off-putting enough that I didn't come back for a long, long time.

[Dr Spock]

How could I knock the local guys? Some of 'em are pretty cute! Some are even hot! Have a body that would not be considered too slender/slight for Western women, outgoing, intelligent, nice guys with Western enough outlooks on life). Knocking the local guys would be knocking them, and I won't do that.

Thank you. Not all of us dudes here are wimps who do not know how to take care of our own families.

[golf]

I can't even count the numbers of threads where female posters have derided Taiwanese men as nerdy girly momma's boys. It's little mystery to me why Western girls have trouble dating in Taiwan. Honestly, what advice can possibly be offered to ladies not interested in virtually the entire male population of the island?

Western people's definition: Asian men who value and respect their parents = girly momma's boys. But the situation is changing. Gigi Leung (a HK singer & actress)'s Spanish husband bent his knees in front of his parents in the wedding, which shocked many guests in the wedding. You've got to know how we treat our old people and why. That's our nation's tradition, social connection, and family affection.

[Ryan the third]

I can't even count the numbers of threads where female posters have derided Taiwanese men as nerdy girly momma's boys. It's little mystery to me why Western girls have trouble dating in Taiwan. Honestly, what advice can possibly be offered to ladies not interested in virtually the entire male population of the island?

Western people's definition: Asian men who value and respect their parents = girly momma's boys. But the situation is changing. Gigi Leung (a HK singer & actress)'s Spanish husband bent his knees in front of his parents in the wedding, which shocked many guests in the wedding. You've got to know how we treat our old people and why. That's our nation's tradition, social connection, and family affection.

Yeah, and dont forget those tens of thousands years of great cultural history that is so awesome and that we westeners will never be able to understand...