Psycho Xiaojies

[Steviebike]

especially when you're wearing porn-coloured spectacles

Is that in the RGB gamut?

Seriously. This behaviour happens all over the world, I've seen it in every country I've had to the honour to visit. Back in the U.K. you can see this behaviour, often fuelled by alcohol, but often sans-alcholol. I've already given my reasons so I won't repeat myself too much. Communication is the key. I can guarantee both parties are not being entirely honest. Not actually stating what they want or expect. You honestly need to do this, it's the only way to know what the fuck is going on and where you can agree and where you can compromise. I guess all of that comes with age and experience?

[Steviebike]

especially when you're wearing porn-coloured spectacles

Is that in the RGB gamut?

Seriously. This behaviour happens all over the world, I've seen it in every country I've had to the honour to visit. Back in the U.K. you can see this behaviour, often fuelled by alcohol, but often sans-alcholol. I've already given my reasons so I won't repeat myself too much. Communication is the key. I can guarantee both parties are not being entirely honest. Not actually stating what they want or expect. You honestly need to do this, it's the only way to know what the fuck is going on and where you can agree and where you can compromise. I guess all of that comes with age and experience?

[headhonchoII]

Honesty is the best policy, when you are already on the plane out of there .

[bismarck]

In your opinions, do psycho xiaojies only behave this way on their home turf? Do they turn it off when they're outside taiwan, of course im referring to taiwanese psycho xiaojies for the sake of clarity, and by outside of Taiwan I don't mean on a short vacay, but living or studying abroad for a limited period (not those born and/or raised outside of tw).

Can't answer, as I never met none outside of Taiwan. There's a bunch of 'em in my office now, though, all around 28 years old, going on 13, who were educated overseas. Nice kids every one, but even from the work environment I can tell that there's NO WAY I'd be getting jiggy with any of 'em, fetching fillies though they undoubtedly are. I guess if you're a dick-thinking person you could find yourself in a good deal of trouble with them, though. That's the key, young 'uns. Think with the big head, not the little one.

That's the trouble, though, isn't it. Try telling an early to mid-twenties young guy to stop thinking with his dick when met with a gorgeous twenty something woman. When I was younger, and even now I have to consciously tell myself, "Don't do it!", I too couldn't see the difference between the thinking of the two heads. You justify it to yourself with things like, "She's so pretty! I really love her. Sometimes she's so sweet and kind." and kind of overlook the warning signs in the beginning. And as you yourself mentioned, many of these girls are around 28/29 or younger. It's rare to find a 30+ women who acts this way, so that's very much the pool that young western guys here will be swimming in.

Which in turn can lead to all kinds of crazy in combination with a western guy who does not know how to deal with that, and then the situation escalates.

I think that's the key sentence. I've always thought that part of the problem must lie with the western male part of the couple, not just with the so-called PXJ. Without wanting to sound disrespectful to those guys, I think a lot of times it's a matter of attracting these PXJ in the first place. Although I can't base this on any empirical study, it seems to me that western guys somehow attract these insecure women like magnets. And apparently it's a mutual attraction. It's just that I never hear these kinds of stories from my Taiwanese friends and I don't get the impression that it's a widespread phenomenon in Taiwanese couples (of course there are many exceptions). Or maybe Taiwanese guys instinctively (or due to cultural conditioning) know better how to avoid or appease potential PXJ behavior.

As I mentioned above, I think it's largely due to what you say below, and Sandy's mentioning they around 28, as they usually are that or younger. Hardly ever older than 30. 20 Something western guys without the cultural experience or know how meeting 20 something Taiwanese women = A perfect storm? Not sure how accurate that is, but it could go a ways to explaining this.

It sounds like bad news for western guys, but my conclusion would be that a certain type of woman in Taiwan, probably one with low self esteem (maybe due to overly protective or strict parents), is more inclined to date westerners. And western guys, thinking and acting in typical western ways, are naturally less able to deal with PXJ and thus the situation easily escalates.

Also, I believe one reason for PXJ behavior, apart from insecurity on the part of the PXJ, is that certain expectations that the PXJ had (whether realistic or not, and I'm not talking about dick size, lol) are not met by the western guy, resulting in disillusionment and perhaps a loss of respect.

Sounds a lot like my last relationship, once it was over and I had analysed what had gone wrong.

especially when you're wearing porn-coloured spectacles

Is that in the RGB gamut?

Seriously. This behaviour happens all over the world, I've seen it in every country I've had to the honour to visit. Back in the U.K. you can see this behaviour, often fuelled by alcohol, but often sans-alcholol. I've already given my reasons so I won't repeat myself too much. Communication is the key. I can guarantee both parties are not being entirely honest. Not actually stating what they want or expect. You honestly need to do this, it's the only way to know what the fuck is going on and where you can agree and where you can compromise. I guess all of that comes with age and experience?

Indeed. But as both parties are usually under 30, this too adds to the fire. Also, some people are just not willing to compromise and insist on having everything their way. When you baulk, the shit hits the fan.

[tsukinodeynatsu]

In your opinions, do psycho xiaojies only behave this way on their home turf? Do they turn it off when they're outside taiwan, of course im referring to taiwanese psycho xiaojies for the sake of clarity, and by outside of Taiwan I don't mean on a short vacay, but living or studying abroad for a limited period (not those born and/or raised outside of tw).

Can't answer, as I never met none outside of Taiwan. There's a bunch of 'em in my office now, though, all around 28 years old, going on 13, who were educated overseas. Nice kids every one, but even from the work environment I can tell that there's NO WAY I'd be getting jiggy with any of 'em, fetching fillies though they undoubtedly are. I guess if you're a dick-thinking person you could find yourself in a good deal of trouble with them, though. That's the key, young 'uns. Think with the big head, not the little one.

That's the trouble, though, isn't it. Try telling an early to mid-twenties young guy to stop thinking with his dick when met with a gorgeous twenty something woman. When I was younger, and even now I have to consciously tell myself, "Don't do it!", I too couldn't see the difference between the thinking of the two heads. You justify it to yourself with things like, "She's so pretty! I really love her. Sometimes she's so sweet and kind." and kind of overlook the warning signs in the beginning. And as you yourself mentioned, many of these girls are around 28/29 or younger. It's rare to find a 30+ women who acts this way, so that's very much the pool that young western guys here will be swimming in.

You know how they tell you to stop and count to ten before you get angry about something?

I think for men, the best thing to do in one of these red flag situations is to stop and ask yourself the following:

1) If she was ugly, would I still be happy to do this for her? or
2) If she used teeth (badly), would I still be happy to do this for her?

If the answer's no to either, you're probably thinking with little head

[finley]

especially when you're wearing porn-coloured spectacles

Is that in the RGB gamut?

I think it only has a valid mapping in YUV colourspace.

Seriously. This behaviour happens all over the world, I've seen it in every country I've had to the honour to visit. Back in the U.K. you can see this behaviour, often fuelled by alcohol, but often sans-alcholol. I've already given my reasons so I won't repeat myself too much. Communication is the key.

The problem comes when the other person doesn't communicate the way you're used to. You can't force someone to communicate, at least not without some judiciously-placed electrodes and a large pair of pliers.

I've had enough relationships where we could talk easily about absolutely anything without it turning into a screaming match, so I know how it's supposed to go. If your S.O. has, perhaps, watched her dad being hectored and howled at during her formative years, she might well think that's the way it's supposed to be done. Sure, it happens everywhere, to some extent. But I still maintain there is something in the local culture or predominant parenting style that results in far too many women being unable to have a productive conversation about something contentious. I have observed a lot of parents engaging in abusive or counterproductive behaviour: for example, I remember an otherwise great guy "helping" his young daughter with her english homework, which basically involved slapping her every time she said something wrong. Again, not saying it doesn't happen elsewhere, but I've seen it way too often here.

1) If she was ugly, would I still be happy to do this for her? or
2) If she used teeth (badly), would I still be happy to do this for her?

I don't think that would work, because often the answer is 'yes'. If you care about someone, it doesn't matter if she's ugly or not. There is also what economists and psychologists call "escalation of commitment", which is basically an irrational decision to keep doing something because you've already invested so much effort in it. PXJ behaviour does usually emerge only after several months, when you're heavily invested in the relationship and (presumably) want to make it work.

If the answer's no to either, you're probably thinking with little head

And not so much of the 'little', thank you very much.

[Steviebike]

The problem comes when the other person doesn't communicate the way you're used to. You can't force someone to communicate, at least not without some judiciously-placed electrodes and a large pair of pliers

This is true and in the heat of the moment almost impossible. It has to be viewed as a long term attitude towards the relationship. Has to be from day one too. If it's not working from day one, you know it won't work on day 498 or any other. Unless you find ways to communicate on their level of understanding NLP can be good for this (I don't use it). In a very animalistic way, men need to be confident and decisive, how that translates back into the modern world will be different for each bloke, but having control of themselves is a big step (including the chatter from the chap downstairs). That is the thing about a lot of male dominated threads/talk/attitude it's all projected onto the object (not that women don't too).

As for cultural behavioural patterns, yes, but these are wildly different from family to family. So I would be more inclined to call it parental. That is not to say there isn't a cultural aspect, but these things are often lower than other factors, like parents and peers. In reality all these elements are mixed together and this is where it begins to become complicated in it's [metaphorical] appearance. I just think humans have base emotions that will run higher and deeper than those. And happiness is quite frankly at the top. I just can't accept it's all female either and hence why I spoke up on this thread. I know this thread is what it is, but the attitude towards the issue seems so one-sided and not deeply formed...

EDIT:
Picking up on another point on yours;

I don't think that would work, because often the answer is 'yes'. If you care about someone, it doesn't matter if she's ugly or not. There is also what economists and psychologists call "escalation of commitment", which is basically an irrational decision to keep doing something because you've already invested so much effort in it. PXJ behaviour does usually emerge only after several months, when you're heavily invested in the relationship and (presumably) want to make it work.

That is a hard one (no pun intended) the Escalation of Commitment always has me astonished. The last headline example was of a bloke who wanted to marry his partner after being stabbed by her in a drunken range. It really would be a good time to walk away but the irrational logic kicks-in and develops a strange rationale. As for behaviour change. Someone changing, put it another way, it is perhaps resistance to something, most likely the pace of the relationship. The pace isn't matching the the template they have. Again communication would be the only way to solve this. I can see the problem, it's easy for me to spout all this, as I've invested a lot of time in learning about communication and people (I'm not an expert or think that I'm good at it). That would be the first step, learn! Without significant tools nothing much is going to work. It would just be luck that allows for a good relationship.

[Teddoman]

In your opinions, do psycho xiaojies only behave this way on their home turf? Do they turn it off when they're outside taiwan, of course im referring to taiwanese psycho xiaojies for the sake of clarity, and by outside of Taiwan I don't mean on a short vacay, but living or studying abroad for a limited period (not those born and/or raised outside of tw).

No, they don't turn it off when they're studying abroad. I actually had pretty good experiences dating Taiwanese girls, most of them were total sweethearts, I must have pretty good PXJ-dar or something. That, or I never went after the 24 yo super hotty LV bag club girls who have basically been spoiled rotten by every male to have ever been in their lives before.

But I did date a girl during her study abroad in the US who exhibited PXJ characteristics. I think I broke up with her because it was becoming a bit of an emotional rollercoaster with her, and just didn't feel fun to me. Then she showed up at my birthday party and declared that it was her last night in the US and that she was getting on a plane and leaving for TW the next day. OMG did I feel guilty about that, it's as if I broke her heart so badly that she was leaving the US for good. So I spent my whole birthday ignoring all the people who came out to see me so I could spend time with her on her last night, feeling guilty as heck. After the party was over, she revealed the "joke" to me that she wasn't leaving. I told her that was horrible and inexcusable behavior and that I never wanted to hear from her again, and that was that. I am a big believer in giving people accurate feedback on their shortcomings before dumping them; I love feeling like I made my contribution to society

[bismarck]

What I don't understand is that when they break up with you, cold and efficiently via e-mail or Skype or something, the guy is supposed to take it on the chin. Grin and bare it like. But when you explain things nicely to them in person, that things just aren't working out, they flip out on you. Why are men (for the most part) expected to just accept a break-up with good spirits, but women (for the most part) are allowed to go all wacky on you?

[Baas Babelaas]

What I don't understand is that when they break up with you, cold and efficiently via e-mail or Skype or something, the guy is supposed to take it on the chin. Grin and bare it like. But when you explain things nicely to them in person, that things just aren't working out, they flip out on you. Why are men (for the most part) expected to just accept a break-up with good spirits, but women (for the most part) are allowed to go all wacky on you?

I had the teeth, fists and knife come out when I did a face-to-face break up. Got locked into her house. That was scary stuff. And she was in her 30s.. I remain cautiously single till now. No need for drama in my life.