What is expected of the husband during 坐月子 (zuo yue zi/sitting month)?

[llary]

We had a bad experience the first time with delivered pre-cooked food (to the hospital). It was a classic bait-and-switch - they give you a tasty sample to book a week's worth of meals and then the actual food is totally different with cheaper ingredients.

We also had a bad experience with a private clinic the first time around. We booked a private room but they didn't mention that there was not actually anything booked and it was pretty much first come first served, so the first few days were spent in a crowded public room. The whole point of going to a private clinic was that we thought there would be better service, more attention etc. but that didn't happen.

The second time we went to CMU Hospital in Taichung and it was much better, it was much easier to get a private room from the start and the surgeon complained about the shitty job that the clinic's surgeon did on the first C-section. Also the doctors were great about explaining things to us and letting us make our own decision about certain tests and medications.

Having done it both ways I would say the money spent on doing things right the second time around was worth more than any 5 star resort! My wife was relaxed, I was relaxed, the in laws were as relaxed as they could manage and even our baby was relaxed. Our first kid cried constantly and I think it's like a feedback loop where mom can't sleep so the baby gets even more cranky and so on. Our second boy is really chilled out, rarely cries and seems happier. Also breastfeeding was MUCH easier this time. Two thumbs up to Auntie.

[ksidnas]

1. Foot massages (depends from person to person)
2. Tummy massages (your doctor will show you)
3. Some women may experience slight depression, so be on the lookout
4. Prepare her cleansing douches before she goes to the bathroom
5. Breast Massages, Areola Stimulation (massage)
6. Buy wet nappy wipes like there is no tomorrow.
7. Be prepared to clean up the doodeee. Learn to change a diaper.

Hope that helps/

[Mr He]

I have had 4 kids with Taiwanese females, and well, the experience was all different.

The first 2 were born in DK. I did the cooking, IE pork liver in sesame oil; the first week, kidneys in sesame oil the second week, the last 2 weeks were chicken in sesame oil.

OK, I took care of some, she took care of the little ones.

Second round, wifey stayed with her family, and had them do it all for her. A little easier on me, however I took a bit of a back seat.

Whatever works, however the mother should decide, unless her demands are crazy, like staying at her mothers house for several months or what have you not.The only 2 things getting my goat were:

1. Cooking with alcohol is dangerous, as she is likely to ahve wounds, and blood thinning agents are not recommended. That said, any decent hospital will tell her that much, so you will not have to. (You may want to enquire about this)
2. Not moving around. Important that she moves a little every day, if not, you risk that she gets strokes or blood clots. Again, both times the nurses mentioned that, so I only had to remind her what the hospital said.

When it comes to stuff like not washing her hair and all that - no worries, if you have an issue, you just live in a separate bedroom for the duration.

A private room at the hospital is a very good idea.

[zmikers]

Hi, my wife and I have decided that we want to hire the 9-5 nanny to come to our house and help with everything after our baby is born. He/She is due on September 28th. We phoned the company (sorry I don't know the name) that sends the nannies over and gives a part of the cost to charity. They sound like exactly what we need, but they said that they will not be able to confirm a nurse/nanny is available for us until mid to end of July. I am very worried that if we wait until July and find out no one is available, we may be stuck with nobody. Should we put our names down at many different agencies? Are there any other good agencies that anyone knows about? Any advice here would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[Mr He]

That would still leave you with 2 months, I do not think that it would be an issue. if the child is born 2 months early, you will have other and much more important things on your mind, trust me.

[Jack Burton]

washing hair or even bathing is taboo apparently because after childbirth, the mother is most vulnerable. as explained to me, the pores, etc. are open something something, so the person can get sick easier, and also this somehow relates to long-term aging. Just a quick glance at people I know who have done this, I suppose I could say it doesn't hurt and some of it could be true, so why not, if the person wants to go thru with it.

[Mr He]

I personally consider it mumbo-jumbo, however if it keeps the wife happy, I guess that it will work. I would not forfeit marital bliss for a fight over something where you can choose to fork out some money, keep a low profile, and thus keep the old handbrake happy.

When people discuss that Zuo yuezi thing, I point out that my grandmother currently has problems walking, and she suffers from poor eyesight, and for her it was back to work right after the kids were popped. (She had 5 children, the oldest of which is 75 - she turnd 108 in 4 months, which should explain her current weakness, however she did international travelling well into her nineties)...

[zmikers]

This is the problem I am facing. I support my wife 100 percent. She does not want to follow the strict Yue Zi rules (some she will follow), but everyone in her life treats her like an outcast because of this, to the extent of people taking time off work to visit her in order to "convince" her, and her sister almost disowning her. I really wish people would respect my wife's wishes. They are turning this beautiful time in our life into a nightmare.

[Wookiee]

I would suggest that she sees a doctor of Chinese medicine, one who will give her a list of dos and don'ts for the yuezi, and who will explain to your wife and her family that some, if not most, of the "requirements" are not necessary. My wife gave birth just last week, and though we had no intentions of adhering to the yuezi rules, and though mother-in-law was okay with it, we had a Doctor of Chinese medicine at the hospital do a check up just for that reason. Placating the in-laws is sometimes necessary, and it's helpful to find solutions that both sides can live with.

This is the problem I am facing. I support my wife 100 percent. She does not want to follow the strict Yue Zi rules (some she will follow), but everyone in her life treats her like an outcast because of this, to the extent of people taking time off work to visit her in order to "convince" her, and her sister almost disowning her. I really wish people would respect my wife's wishes. They are turning this beautiful time in our life into a nightmare.

[Pingdong]

do you know such a doctor? many here run their biz from a shack and gossip about numerous things. so with the peopel here they gossip, then mom in law thinks its absolutely mandatory and forces daughter to do whatever this way be despite how good or bad it is.

i used to think pleasing the wife was goal #1, now I know its pleasing her mother because wify will not be happy until her mother is.

so if you know a good sensible doctor with his head balanced well, i will travel anywhere for it