Is this child abuse?

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Is this child abuse?

Postby bababa » 26 Oct 2011, 05:33

The 11-year-old son of a mother I know pretty well (a Western mother) asked his mom if he had any pubic hair, and then asked her to look. She did, and also touched his penis. He was really upset, to the point that he ran to the bathroom and was vomiting. Is this child abuse? (I don't get why he asked her such a question in the first place, mind you.) And what, if anything, do you think I should do?
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby housecat » 26 Oct 2011, 07:13

This eleven year old child said and did this in front of you? And the mother looked for pubic hairs in front of you? That's very odd behavior. I'd never expect something like that to take place, so there may be something wrong somewhere.

Without witnessess, I'd say that a mother looking at her son's private parts--at his request--is not abusive. I'd also say that a mother touching her son's penis in a non-sexual way, as part of a requested inspection, or by accident while looking would not be abusive.

The child's reaction is very strange, however. Someone ELSE may be abusing the boy and he may not know of any other way to express himself about it.

Unfortunately, I don't know what to tell you to do. I'd be afraid of talking to the kid in private, or in confidence, because maybe he'd be upset or confused about your intentions. You could talk to him mother, if you wanted to, but without other evidence that something is going on, you simply have nothing to say to anyone else about it. I don't know if you can call the police and tell them that an eleven year old boy is acting strangely about his penis. You see the problem.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby jdsmith » 26 Oct 2011, 07:53

No, I don't think it's child abuse. Kinda a bizarre behavior from Mom though (definitely crossing the personal space boundary) even if she was just horsing around with the boy, esp if she did it in front of the OP or anyone else. The kid overreacting is not really that big of a deal, and the response seems to indicate that he too felt his personal space was violated.

Not your kid. Let it go. And unless you have real proof of abuse, back off.

Someone ELSE may be abusing the boy and he may not know of any other way to express himself about it.

That's a stretch, and it's not the OP's place to even ask. I know I'd be pretty creeped out if one of my friends asked my son if someone were touching him where his bathing suit covers. :s

I guess I would have a different opinion if Mom were drunk at the time or if this took place in a public place. As it stands, with the information the OP has given, no.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby Mr He » 26 Oct 2011, 10:42

Sounds like the son is having trust issues of some kind.

My oldest teenage daughter would sometimes forget herself, and run over to wherever I was (Usually kitchen) naked if she had something important to tell me or ask me about. Did freak me out a little the first time, even though I managed to keep my pokerface while pointing out that all the neighbors would be able to see her. Odds are that her stay at the boarding school has cured her of that behavior.

No 2 daughter - hard to see her acting like that, different personalities.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby tsukinodeynatsu » 26 Oct 2011, 14:39

Mr He wrote:My oldest teenage daughter would sometimes forget herself, and run over to wherever I was (Usually kitchen) naked if she had something important to tell me or ask me about. Did freak me out a little the first time, even though I managed to keep my pokerface while pointing out that all the neighbors would be able to see her. Odds are that her stay at the boarding school has cured her of that behavior.


Some people are just nudists at heart. I used to run around naked at 12, and pretty much the only reason I don't now is because I realize it will freak other people out. Actually, I do it at home all the time - I'm sure all my neighbors have seen me naked, but don't care.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby Mr He » 27 Oct 2011, 12:34

Well, she used to be shy around be, divorce child and all that...
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby justreal » 27 Oct 2011, 12:40

tsukinodeynatsu wrote:
Mr He wrote:My oldest teenage daughter would sometimes forget herself, and run over to wherever I was (Usually kitchen) naked if she had something important to tell me or ask me about. Did freak me out a little the first time, even though I managed to keep my pokerface while pointing out that all the neighbors would be able to see her. Odds are that her stay at the boarding school has cured her of that behavior.


Some people are just nudists at heart. I used to run around naked at 12, and pretty much the only reason I don't now is because I realize it will freak other people out. Actually, I do it at home all the time - I'm sure all my neighbors have seen me naked, but don't care.


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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby tsukinodeynatsu » 27 Oct 2011, 17:04

justreal wrote:
tsukinodeynatsu wrote:
Mr He wrote:My oldest teenage daughter would sometimes forget herself, and run over to wherever I was (Usually kitchen) naked if she had something important to tell me or ask me about. Did freak me out a little the first time, even though I managed to keep my pokerface while pointing out that all the neighbors would be able to see her. Odds are that her stay at the boarding school has cured her of that behavior.


Some people are just nudists at heart. I used to run around naked at 12, and pretty much the only reason I don't now is because I realize it will freak other people out. Actually, I do it at home all the time - I'm sure all my neighbors have seen me naked, but don't care.


TMI


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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby Lili » 27 Oct 2011, 17:43

housecat wrote:The child's reaction is very strange, however. Someone ELSE may be abusing the boy and he may not know of any other way to express himself about it.


Very good insight.
An 11-year-old boy running into the bathroom and vomitting because his MOTHER touched him? There is a real problem here and it is not a boy's "privacy" issue.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby sandman » 27 Oct 2011, 18:22

Lili wrote:
housecat wrote:The child's reaction is very strange, however. Someone ELSE may be abusing the boy and he may not know of any other way to express himself about it.


Very good insight.
An 11-year-old boy running into the bathroom and vomitting because his MOTHER touched him? There is a real problem here and it is not a boy's "privacy" issue.

Raised my hackles, too. That 'aint normal by any stretch. More to it, I'd say. Rather you than me to bring it up, though!
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