Is this child abuse?

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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby jaame » 27 Oct 2011, 18:31

Not your kid. Let it go. And unless you have real proof of abuse, back off.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby tsukinodeynatsu » 28 Oct 2011, 00:42

sandman wrote:
Lili wrote:
housecat wrote:The child's reaction is very strange, however. Someone ELSE may be abusing the boy and he may not know of any other way to express himself about it.


Very good insight.
An 11-year-old boy running into the bathroom and vomitting because his MOTHER touched him? There is a real problem here and it is not a boy's "privacy" issue.

Raised my hackles, too. That 'aint normal by any stretch. More to it, I'd say. Rather you than me to bring it up, though!


Thirded. I know people are saying 'back off and leave it alone' but what if it somehow comes out in a few years that this kid was actually being abused? Sometimes parents can't see things in their own kids because they simply don't want to consider the possibilities. A quick review of other behavior this kid has been exhibiting and, if it seems there's something wrong, an anonymous phone call requesting a simple check up might do a lot for this boy. At the very best it's a kid with severe privacy issues (mental health problems?) and a little bit of inconvenience for the parents, at the worst it'll turn out there is something going on and intervention will occur.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby shawn_c » 28 Oct 2011, 04:16

I do think the vomiting is quite strange... what is also strange is, why is the kid asking his mother about pubic hair?

Really, it does sound like someone else is abusing the kid.

You better have a talk with the mother about it, and let her know your concerns and suspicions. Then, she can choose to take action herself, or take action with someone else's help (yours, maybe).
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby jdsmith » 28 Oct 2011, 07:34

I think people should really take a deep breath before they jump to conclusions about this boy and whether or not he is being sexually abused.

There are a dozen reasons that this boy could have reacted in the manner he did. My son had to have a physical at school before he joined the t-ball team two years ago, when he was ten. Now, we have been educating him about his personal privacy since he was very young, and how NO ONE should be looking or asking about or touching his privates except mom and dad and the doctor. I imagine most kids are as well. But, one kid in his class had a severe emotional reaction to the physical: crying inconsolably at home and being a nervous wreck at school, because A) he really wanted to play t-ball and B) he couldn't process some stranger cupping his nuts at school without Mom and Dad being in the room with him and the doctor. The kid would cry and sob until he literally was choking himself and dry heaving.

Mr He wrote:
Sounds like the son is having trust issues of some kind.

And I'd have to agree. Not because I think he's being sexually abused, but because IF THIS HAPPENED IN PUBLIC IN FRONT OF SOMEONE (THE OP, FOR INSTANCE) the boy could have been quite humiliated.

Why did he ask his Mom about pubes? Because she's his MOM. Obviously he's learned about pubic hair from someone and wanted to know if he was getting some.

Why did he ask in front of the OP, if that was the case? Because he's a little kid and little kids are notoriously bad at keeping with and understanding social decorum. This is not a clear cut case of a boy asking for help. There is not enough information to determine that.

The OP has not given any further information about this, and until he does, the speculation meter should read Zero, not twenty billion.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby bababa » 28 Oct 2011, 11:36

More info, useful or not I don't know:
The little boy is very good looking, beautiful really.
I don't see who could be abusing him other than the mother, because he's not alone with anyone else. Of course, maybe he is and I just don't know about it. And I just can't believe the mother would abuse him sexually. But ...
He is very anxious and easily upset. Anxiety and depression run in the family, as does OCD.
He lives alone with his mom, who is divorced. He still sleeps in her bed.
The mother acts in a sexualised way with him, which has been mentioned to her before. I think she doesn't see it, and would say she is just being open about nudity and sex, and that this is good. I'd say she goes too far - I've seen her flash him, for example: he was trying to do his homework, and she bent over in front of him and lifted her skirt. She was wearing panties only slightly less revealing than a thong. She also talks about sex all the time right in front of him.
I was in their house when the first incident I mentioned happened, but not in the same room. I heard him throwing up, and just thought he was sick, but the mom told me what happened later.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby jdsmith » 28 Oct 2011, 11:41

bababa wrote:More info, useful or not I don't know:
The little boy is very good looking, beautiful really.
I don't see who could be abusing him other than the mother, because he's not alone with anyone else. Of course, maybe he is and I just don't know about it. And I just can't believe the mother would abuse him sexually. But ...
He is very anxious and easily upset. Anxiety and depression run in the family, as does OCD.
He lives alone with his mom, who is divorced. He still sleeps in her bed.
The mother acts in a sexualised way with him, which has been mentioned to her before. I think she doesn't see it, and would say she is just being open about nudity and sex, and that this is good. I'd say she goes too far - I've seen her flash him, for example: he was trying to do his homework, and she bent over in front of him and lifted her skirt. She was wearing panties only slightly less revealing than a thong. She also talks about sex all the time right in front of him.
I was in their house when the first incident I mentioned happened, but not in the same room. I heard him throwing up, and just thought he was sick, but the mom told me what happened later.

The mother acts in a sexualised way with him, which has been mentioned to her before. I think she doesn't see it, and would say she is just being open about nudity and sex, and that this is good. I'd say she goes too far - I've seen her flash him, for example: he was trying to do his homework, and she bent over in front of him and lifted her skirt. She was wearing panties only slightly less revealing than a thong. She also talks about sex all the time right in front of him.


OK, well, then. That's fucked up.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby housecat » 28 Oct 2011, 11:45

It may not be directly sexually abusive for a mother to bend over and flash her 11 year old son, but it is psychologically. An 11 year old boy is starting to have all kinds of thoughts and feelings of a sexual nature. It's got to be upsetting, at least disconcerting, to have his own mother be so overt about it about with him.

Open about sex is one thing. Open about nudity is fine, IMO. But this mother is not respecting her son's emotional needs, his sexual health, or is wishes as another human being not to be subjected to such embarrassment.

There IS a problem here.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby Mr He » 28 Oct 2011, 12:47

This sounds more than a little fucked up, sorry. There are things you just do not do as a parent, kids will be exposed to that soon enough.

I understand a lot more about the whole setup now, and not in a good way.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby lupillus » 28 Oct 2011, 13:20

Aren't you in Mainland China? What's there really to do, other than counsel the mother/boy? Report it? If they even take you seriously, bear in mind that if you report the inappropriate behavior you have witnessed to any authority, there is a large chance the boy will deny that any of it ever happened because he doesn't want his mother to get in trouble.

Why did she flash him while he was doing his homework? She thought it was funny?

Is she generally a good mother in other respects? If she is abusing him sexually, it seems unlikely that he would have such a large reaction just from her looking at and touching his pubic area. Nor would she tell you about it afterwards. Did she tell you about it cause she thought it was strange, or that it was funny? Maybe he just always pukes whenever he is anxious. Nervous kids are sometimes like that.

Sounds like maybe she just doesn't realize how inappropriately she is treating her son. If you're a good friend of hers, the best thing is probably just to discuss the matter with her in private, without sounding too critical.
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Re: Is this child abuse?

Postby bababa » 29 Oct 2011, 05:14

lupillus wrote:Aren't you in Mainland China?

No, in Canada.
Why did she flash him while he was doing his homework? She thought it was funny?

I think she would say because she thought it was funny, and might even believe it.
Did she tell you about it cause she thought it was strange, or that it was funny?

I just asked if he was sick, because we were planning to go out for dinner together. She was matter-of-fact about it, but also seemed exasperated because he overreacted, in her opinion.
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