Is this child abuse?

[housecat]

I wold imgine that in Canada there are plenty of resources for you in getting help with what to do, or about how to talk to your friend. Good Luck.

[jaame]

What else sounds odd is that he asked her if he had any pubes. Not being funny, but why didn't he just look himself? I think an eleven year old can tell if hair is growing or not (unless he's too fat to see that area, which is unlikely given that he is "beautiful").

[Cab19]

Do you know if his mom was sexually abused? Those who have been abused as children are more likely to become child abusers. I'm not looking for you to answer this question, just stating a possible scenario (but by no means an excuse).

I don't know if Canada has a similar setup as in the US, but if you have something along the lines of Child Services, then you could call them and ask to speak to someone there. I'm sure they would do a free consultation, or whatever you want to call it. Another avenue is to look up Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFTs - Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) and call around to ones in your area and see if any of them deal with child abuse; they are likely to be willing to give you a free consultation over the phone. The LMFT is the American qualification, so I'm not sure what the Canadian equivalent would be.

I would hazard a guess that this mom's behavior would be deemed abuse, but I'm not at all certain. I urge you to contact several LMFTs and Child Services.

EDIT: With regards to the last sentence: I urge you to contact them as an inquiry, not as reporting anything, and then go from there.

[divea]

More info, useful or not I don't know:
The little boy is very good looking, beautiful really.
I don't see who could be abusing him other than the mother, because he's not alone with anyone else. Of course, maybe he is and I just don't know about it. And I just can't believe the mother would abuse him sexually. But ...
He is very anxious and easily upset. Anxiety and depression run in the family, as does OCD.
He lives alone with his mom, who is divorced. He still sleeps in her bed.
The mother acts in a sexualised way with him, which has been mentioned to her before. I think she doesn't see it, and would say she is just being open about nudity and sex, and that this is good. I'd say she goes too far - I've seen her flash him, for example: he was trying to do his homework, and she bent over in front of him and lifted her skirt. She was wearing panties only slightly less revealing than a thong. She also talks about sex all the time right in front of him.
I was in their house when the first incident I mentioned happened, but not in the same room. I heard him throwing up, and just thought he was sick, but the mom told me what happened later.

The mother acts in a sexualised way with him, which has been mentioned to her before. I think she doesn't see it, and would say she is just being open about nudity and sex, and that this is good. I'd say she goes too far - I've seen her flash him, for example: he was trying to do his homework, and she bent over in front of him and lifted her skirt. She was wearing panties only slightly less revealing than a thong. She also talks about sex all the time right in front of him.

OK, well, then. That's fucked up.

Completely.

[DrKeith]

I find it a bit strange that you're asking veteran expats living in Taiwan how to go about dealing with a potential case of child abuse in Canada?

There is some sound advice on offer here, but by all means, why don't you contact a Canadian child welfare service? Voice your concerns anonymously? They're the experts, no?

[Cab19]

OP, did you ever contact Canadian Child Services (or a similar organization)?

[bababa]

OP, did you ever contact Canadian Child Services (or a similar organization)?

No. I talked about it with the mother, and at first she was adamant he couldn't have been abused because he wasn't ever alone with anyone. However, later she mentioned his problems started after he returned from a week-long camp, and that she is going to send him to a counsellor. So I think he will be OK - if he does in fact get to a counsellor.

Asked about it here because I value the opinions of my fellow Forumosans, and with an anonymous forum like this you get a far wider range of responses than you do if you just ask your friends, which is helpful. I don't know anyone else with a young son, for example, whereas here on forumosa there are lots of parents.

[Cab19]

OP, did you ever contact Canadian Child Services (or a similar organization)?

No. I talked about it with the mother, and at first she was adamant he couldn't have been abused because he wasn't ever alone with anyone... (removed rest of quote)

I haven't looked at this forum in a while, so sorry for the late response. I believe you are asking the wrong person about child abuse, OP. IMO the mother is possibly abusing the child with her behavior, but you should ask a professional - like Canadian Child Services - about it. She flashes him, talks openly about sex with him, and touched his penis without his consent. You need to ask a professional about this, not the person who is displaying the objectionable - possibly abusive - behavior.

Do not ask the child. If someone you are supposed to trust implicitly acted in an incorrect way towards you when you were 11, would you have answered the question truthfully? Furthermore, you do not know how to interpret his verbal response as well as his non-verbal cues from your response like a trained professional would be. Talk to the professional, do not report the mom though.

[Teddoman]

OP, did you ever contact Canadian Child Services (or a similar organization)?

No. I talked about it with the mother, and at first she was adamant he couldn't have been abused because he wasn't ever alone with anyone. However, later she mentioned his problems started after he returned from a week-long camp, and that she is going to send him to a counsellor. So I think he will be OK - if he does in fact get to a counsellor.

All kinds of wierd stuff can go down with young kids. When I was a kid, I was probably a young elementary school kid and was hanging out with our neighbor kids, one of which was a few years older (late elementary or early middle school). With our brothers playing in the room, he took me into the closet and did a strip tease and then briefly flashed himself at me at the end. He asked me to do the same and I refused. Then we left the closet.

Wierdest. Experience. Ever. It didn't scar me or anything (that I know of), I was pretty matter of fact about it. Back then I don't think parents did all the stuff today like warn kids not to let anyone see or touch their privates etc etc. Just like no one wore helmets when bike riding and we still had see saws and merry-go-rounds at playgrounds. Being a kid was a bit of the wild west I guess. I definitely lost respect for him, since I knew that was just wierd (why the heck would I have any interest in seeing his privates!), and didn't hang out with him much after that. I didn't report it to anyone though. This is actually the first time it has ever occurred to me to talk about it.

Kids do wierd stuff and don't even know how wierd it is I guess. This kid wasn't a "bad" kid (that I know of). I'm guessing he was just testing boundaries and had no idea how bad it was to push this particular boundary. At that age, all boundaries look alike-- they're worthy of being tested. I tested plenty of boundaries in my day, none this bad of course, but it was by testing boundaries that I learned where they were.

So during a week of summer camp, it's plausible to me that something happened there. However, the way you described his mom, it also wouldn't surprise me that she has some of her own issues that she is psychologically, if not physically, putting on her son. I'd follow up on the counseling issue, in the guise of genuine concern that something happened at camp. With no suspicion towards her, she might actually appreciate it, esp. if she is truly innocent. You could even relay my story to her so she can imagine what can happen.

But it's hard to take it much further without something concrete. I bet there are protocols for concerned friends and family in these situations, if you want to look it up.

[zmikers]

This whole topic is making me sick. Since when is a mother of a child touching his penis abuse? He asked her to look, she looked! Now, what is not said is how she touched it. If she moved it to look or just played a joke, no harm, but there is no mention of fondling or anything sexual. Yes, we have to be aware of sexual abuse, or any abuse for that matter, but I think in this day and age we jump to abuse way to o quickly. This is ridiculous!