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Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

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Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

Postby Milkybar_Kid » 20 Jun 2012, 08:49

We have recently found out that my wife is pregnant. The news that I may become a father has left me a little bit muddle- headed and I just need somewhere to put it all down.

Firstly this isn't an unplanned pregnancy. Me and my wife have both wanted to have kids someday and recently stopped using contraception. However I didn't realise that everything would move so quickly so to speak.

I believe that we will both be good parents and try our best. However at 24 years old I do feel a bit young for all of this. I have a lot to learn and am unsure of what I can offer my child. Although me and my wife have a very happy and comfortable personal life we both consider our lifestyle to be very poor. I am a soon-to-be unemployed English Teacher and my wife has to work long hours putting up with a lot of shit for a very low salary. Money is tight and the taofang that we live in is so poor we are seriously considering moving back in with my wifes parents.

How can I bring a child into such a world? I remember my own childhood being so idyllic; roaming free in the English countryside, our own home and car for the family and everything that I ever wanted as a child. How my mum achieved all of this as a single mum of 5 kids I still do not know!?! If I put this in contrast to our current situation it makes me feel so down. My wife and I have slightly over $NT300,000 to our names with no sight of our own home, car or nice possessions in sight.

I still want to achieve so much in my life. I want to continue with my Chinese language studies, complete a masters degree and find a career path where I can grow and progress to provide a comfortable life for my family. Does all of this need to go out of the window when I have a kid?

Finally I want to say that I do understand that there are people in this world who have it a lot worse than I do. At times I consider myself very fortunate to have everything that I do so please don't interpret this post as a whinging moan.

Thank you for taking the time to read.
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Re: Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

Postby zender » 20 Jun 2012, 08:59

Congratulations! :bravo:

Single Mum of five kids? Same here.

You are still young, and I'm sure you'll accomplish many things if you really want them.

This is a wanted baby of two able parents. I've seen worse.
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Re: Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

Postby ironlady » 20 Jun 2012, 08:59

If you can handle the with-the-inlaws thing, that might be an option that will help preserve some of your own options for further personal development while still allowing you to start your family.

No one is ready for a child. No one. Not ever. That's why you normally have 9 months to try to get your head around it, though even that isn't enough.
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Re: Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

Postby housecat » 20 Jun 2012, 09:03

I don't know how you feel about the Bible, OP, but here's this for you:

King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Psalm 127:4

What you're going through at this moment is normal. Most parents, at any age, no matter how baddly they want to be parents, usually have an "Oh shit!" moment at first. It's just that this is suddenly real; having a child is no longer something you want to do someday, it's something you're going to do someday SOON.

Take comfort in the fact that no matter what, you'll never be ready! If you had a great house, all your needs met, and million in the bank, you still wouldn't be ready!

It's not easy. In some ways, it's the toughest thing in the world. But by FAR, it's the most rewarding, most worth while, most amazing thing I've ever done. For me, at least, being a parent is worth every single other thing. Any could haves or woud haves pale and fall appart when I think that I'd have had to have traded in being a mother to my awsome boy. Really.

And as we've talked about quite a bit in other threads, kids need love and kids need you. And the great thin about kids is that YOU and YOUR LOVE trully are the things they desire most in the world! All the rest is gravey and if you were to ask someone else's kid, some kid who seems to have it all, I bet they'd tell you in a heart beat that they'd trade everything they have if they had to, just to be with their parents.

Congratulations, Milkybar_Man!
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Re: Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

Postby Teddoman » 20 Jun 2012, 09:09

Congrats!

You definitely have questions that don't come with easy answers. Good on your for thinking about these issues. The weight of responsibility when you become a parent does feel quite heavy at times. Some people probably just block it out so they don't have to think about it.

Maybe it will help to get more specific about your career planning. If you have a very specific end goal, and you are very confident you can get a certain type of job once you complete your masters, that might give you something more concrete to work towards, even if you have to struggle a bit in the meantime.

housecat wrote:What you're going through at this moment is normal. Most parents, at any age, no matter how baddly they want to be parents, usually have an "Oh shit!" moment at first. It's just that this is suddenly real; having a child is no longer something you want to do someday, it's something you're going to do someday SOON.

In fact, you can have several of these moments. I think I had a few of these moments for my first son, and then a few more for my second. :)
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Re: Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

Postby StuartCa » 20 Jun 2012, 09:15

Congrats, but as others have said you'll never ever be ready. I was in my mid-thirties when my first came along and I still didn't think I was ready.

You'll be fine, you just do the best you can with what you've got. The good news is that newborns only want feeding, changing and love, so you have time to work towards material goods.

Good luck it's a fun ride.
If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay home. ~James Michener
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Re: Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

Postby Jaboney » 20 Jun 2012, 09:23

Congrats.

My daughters are 3 and 1, and wow, do things change. Takes a lot of adjustment; brings a lot of joy. It's quite a ride.
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Re: Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

Postby Isha » 20 Jun 2012, 09:49

Congratulations.

Take a look at your situation this way: A baby will push you to achieve whatever needed to have a good career. Without the baby you would have been laying low. Babies are blessing as long as you think so they are. I personally enjoy every moment I can have with mine.
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Re: Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

Postby Super Hans » 20 Jun 2012, 10:09

Your whole perspective of life will change. For that one life you will give up everything and give everything. Money and material possessions will not matter if you give support and love to your child.
When I was born, my father was in the military and he and my mother were stationed in a foreign land. I was an accident. My father left the army (a hindsight mistake) and became a firefighter so I could be bought up in one place. We lived in a council house where my mother and father scraped together enough cash to buy it from the government.
They had no money at all. They tell me, one day an envelope of 200 pounds landed on the doormat and they were able to get by using that - that was a lot of money in those days, and they never found out who it was from.
I was always given the best by them and they worked hard to give me, and later my brother and sister, a better life - my father moonlighting and my mother working part time to the extent where we all became pretty well off.
The same can be said of me now. I have a son. He was an accident, and I am not married, and I am not incredibly rich. But it doesn't matter.
He is my life, and he always will be.
I sometimes felt bad about allowing him into this world until I realised that it is my responsibility to make the world a better place for him. That will be your job when your child arrives.
So congratulations!
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Re: Oh shit! - Just found out that my wife is pregnant

Postby TheGingerMan » 20 Jun 2012, 10:13

Congratulations, and welcome to The Other Side.

I can't quite recall how much I was floored by such news in my own HQ.
It's an adjustment, and one can't really dodge it.
Adapt, Improvise & Improve.
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